TGITDNMAR (7/31/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Since I can't think of anything wildly poignant or fitting for this space, here's my top five worst musical acts of the 80s (no one-hit wonders), since I've had various Hall & Oates songs stuck in my head at different points this week:

5. Asia
4. Journey
3. Air Supply
2. REO Speedwagon
1. Hall & Oates

Funny People
A couple questions:

Aren't you just asking for trouble by naming your movie that? Might as well call an Oscar bait film Good Actors. Set the expectations lower.

Why is Jason Schwartzman relegated to fifth-level (if that) co-starring roles? This is Max Fischer, for chrissakes! Give the man some starring roles.

I don't know anyone that's *excited* about seeing Funny People, despite Apatow's track record. This just has the scent of "funny one minute, sappy the next" all over it. Nonetheless, its competition is weak this week, so pencil me in for an eventual theatrical viewing.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 77%

Aliens in the Attic
Have you seen the trailer for this? Even by kids' movie standards, it looks just "turrible." Like Gremlins crossed with Small Soldiers crossed with something crappy. To boot, the best actors involved (J.K. Simmons and Thomas Haden Church) are only voice actors - bad for us, but probably a wise choice by them. Andy Richter and two girls named Ashley are also on board.

You've been warned.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 1%

The Collector
No. C'mon, you should have seen this coming a mile away.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Is the Harry Potter series the anti-Star Trek? The sci-fi franchise of the Shatner variety has been famously called out for having its best films be the even-numbered ones (The Wrath of Khan, The Voyage Home, etc.); Harry Potter seems to be following the odd-numbered sequence, with Chamber of Secrets, Goblet of Fire and now this, Half-Blood Prince showing up to be the lesser of the six films to date.

I didn't want it to be this way. After the emotional, dazzling finale that Order of the Phoenix gave us, combined with the fact that this movie was based on the penultimate book in the series, I was convinced that this would be a thrilling entry, complete with an insightful look back at a young Tom Riddle and the progression of the Order of the Phoenix as they set up for the final battle against Voldemort and his Death Eaters. But what do we get? A two-and-a-half hour movie with little action, little furthering of the narrative from the previous film and a heavy emphasis on a pair of burgeoning romances.

The Ron/Hermione one is handled well, if not drilled home a bit too often. However, the "tension" between Harry and Ginny Weasley comprises mostly of the two of them standing at arm's length on five separate occasions, each suddenly speechless at finding themselves in a situation that they keep finding themselves in. It's like watching a mother accidentally bust in on her son masturbating in the bathroom, only she keeps coming back and doing it again five minutes later. And again. And again. It doesn't help that Bonnie Wright isn't much of an actress, though she's still somehow an improvement over Katie Leung (Cho Chang).

But I digress.

If you think I'm being at least mildly hypocritical right now, you may be right. I'm the first in line to bash mindless zombie action flicks that have no interest in their characters at all, much less any semblance of character development. Many might argue that this Potter is all about development, and that the lack of battles and spells and monsters (relatively speaking) is a step in the right direction for the darkening series (Note: as a reviewer of the Harry Potter films, I am contractually obligated to refer to the series' continuing descent into "darkness for young Harry and his pals." I feel better now.). That argument might hold water for me had the story moved in any discernible direction, but it doesn't. It feels instead like an extended epilogue to Order of the Phoenix; the new developments are few and far between, with several elements, such as "Why is Voldemort nowhere to be seen?" and "Why don't these supposed DEATH Eaters just up an kill Harry when he's right in front of them?" left as head-scratchers, amongst others.

I was left feeling an emotion I had not yet felt in an HP film: boredom. Thinking "Move it along, folks, nothing to see here."

It's a shame, really, because this was a beautiful film, from the early flight of the Death Eaters over a London bridge to a gorgeous-yet-pointless shot of Harry and Dumbledore standing on a rock island in the middle of what looks to be a raging sea, with the Cliffs of Insanity a giant rock face in front of them. Also, the long tease of Draco Malfoy as a serious villain/sympathetic character was finally paid off with a storyline that almost made the wait worth it. But even that was tainted somewhat, with Draco actor Tom Felton mainly given reaction shots instead of actual lines; he's a sad, anguished mime.

All this negativity notwithstanding, Half-Blood Prince still earns a recommendation from me. There are lessons to be learned, teens to mature, and cinematic tricks aplenty. Besides, even the worst Potter film (coughChamberofSecretscough) is still a better option than most action/adventure films released, especially those aimed towards kids. Which isn't something I can say for the Star Trek series...

Fletch's Film Rating:

"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Moon

Duncan Jones' Moon is no 2001-style film where man must battle a computer gone wild. Nor is it some, um, 2001-style film set to awe us with artistic pictures of space and space-age technology and architecture. Instead, it settles into a nice middle ground as an adult-oriented, psychological drama that just happens to be set on the surface of the moon.

Sam Rockwell stars as Sam Bell, an astronaut serving out the last days of a three-year contract at a lunar mining station. Earth's future inhabitants have discovered a way to harness and transport helium-3, a powerful energy source that enables earth to sustain life and provide energy in a much greener fashion. Bell's job is to maintain the station in the event of minor hiccups with the mining machinery and basically ensure that nothing breaks down. As you can imagine, though, living solo anywhere, much less on the earth's satellite some 240,000 miles away, is a recipe for a mental disaster.

But Jones, working on his first feature and adapting his own original story, zigs the film when you expect it to zag. By doing so, he takes what might have boring (essentially a one-man play) and makes it thoughtful and exciting - to say more would spoil it. All the more impressive is what he accomplished with a shoestring $5 million budget. Having a small cast helped (I can think of only seven actors that are seen or heard from in the entire film), and having the lead as a personal friend no doubt was a boon as well. To cut down on special effects, lunar surface shots were shot using miniatures. And the whole affair is guided by a Clint Mansell (The Fountain, Requiem for a Dream) score. Put it all together and you have a feat of budget filmmaking ("budget" is a relative term in Hollywood, where $5 million gets you maybe craft services and lighting on a typical film) that might be more impressive than Clerks was 15 years ago.

The biggest boon has to be Rockwell. My feelings on him have bounced all around over the years. I first got to know him in the charming 1996 indie Box of Moon Light, which starred Jon Turturro as a lost in middle-age husband and father and Rockwell as "The Kid," an eccentric who lived "off the grid" in a rural forest, stealing electricity to light up his mobile home. He was appealing as hell, and the charisma he showed left no doubt as to where his career was headed.

Over the next five or six years, he continued to be gainfully employed by the independent film scene in a growing capacity, going from supporting/ensemble player to lead until the the studios came calling, with Rockwell landing smaller jobs in The Green Mile and Galaxy Quest, and Charlie's Angels. But it wasn't until George Clooney cast him in 2002's Confessions of a Dangerous Mind that he truly broke, setting him up for future Hollywood stardom, from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to Joshua to Choke. Like many, he still mixes in an occasional indie, but with appearances in this summer's G-Force and next summer's Iron Man 2, he's cemented a place for himself with the big boys.

Over time, I went from pulling for him (especially in Box and Galaxy Quest, which he nearly stole from seasoned veterans such as Tim Allen, Alan Rickman, and Sigourney Weaver) to thinking he might be getting a bit too big for his britches (Matchstick Men, Choke). It didn't look like he was having fun anymore, and it didn't appear as though he was all that invested in the roles, merely doing his "Sam Rockwell" thing. Moon has brought me back to him. All pretense is gone. We see a vast array of emotions and vulnerabilities. And any time an actor can hold the screen by himself for 90 minutes and not grate on you at all? Proof that he and/or his director are doing something right.

If you're looking to see some sh*t blown up, avoid Moon. But if you're looking for the elusive "cool indie movie of the summer" (which I don't know if we've have the past few years), this just might be it. Seek it out.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"It's in the hole!"


P.S. - I can't believe I didn't manage a way to mention what might have been my favorite part of the movie - GERTY the computer. Voiced by Kevin Spacey, GERTY is a HAL-like computer that assists Sam in running the station and acts as the chief source of interaction for him. The best part, though? GERTY has a 6 by 6 square inch screen on the front of him that features a single animated image of a smiley face (like you might seen in any number of text messages or emails you receive in a given day). As Sam's emotion changes, so does the smiley that GERTY displays. Such a small, subtle touch, but it cracked me up.

And then...

Tuesday's Twelve Tags #30

Last week's winner: Justin, with 8 points.
The theme: Every film title had a color in it. (Fox)

The theme's have been relatively easy as of late, as I hoped to get more people into the game. This time out, I think I've thought of a great stumper, so it'll be worth a fortune (in worthless points). Please don't kill each other over it. But please do go vote in the two new polls, and be sure to give good ol' Road House a "watch" vote.

Here's the new dozen. The rules are simple: I'm going to give you a dozen taglines, all you have to do is name as many flicks that they belong to as you can. Try to resist the Google. Get the most and you win. There will always be a theme, though it's worth will vary according to how difficult I think it is. This week, it's worth 9 points.

1. She gets kidnapped. He gets killed. But it all ends up okay.
2. Prepare to become obsolete
3. Where it began so it shall end.
4. Saving The World. And Loving It.
5. It was hard to put a team together... until they found out who they were playing.
6. Evolution Begins.
7. If it bleeds, we can kill it...
8. Two Dads, One Toy, No Prisoners.
9. Evil Has A Destiny
10. Who are they? And what do they want?
11. With great power comes great responsibility.
12. "Hello, my name is Andy and this is my poster."

As you get them right, I'll mark them as gotten and stuff. Good luck.

Standings
Justin - 9
Nick - 5.5
Jess - 4
J.D. - 2.5
Shane, Jason Soto - 2
BD79 - 1.5
Sea_of_Green, Kyle - 1
Dead Pan - .5

Correct answers so far:
1. The Princess Bride (Alex)
2. Universal Soldier: The Return (Paul R.)
3. Blade: Trinity (BD79)
4. Get Smart (Alex)
5. The Longest Yard (BD79)
6. X-Men (Alex)
7. Predator (BD79)
8. Jingle All the Way (BD79)
9. Halloween (Nick)
10.
11. Spider-Man (BD79)
12. Man on the Moon (Paul R.)
Theme - Each film features a current or former pro wrestler in it (BD79)

And then...

Poll results; new poll

First of all, no, I couldn't fit every 'great' comedy of all time into the last poll, but I think I gave you all a great cross-section of some of the most beloved ones of the last 30 years or so, mixed in with a recent hit hailed as the greatest comedy of the year (The Hangover) along with some unintentional comedy classics that tickle my funny bone like few others (Road House, Bloodsport). Hell, I even threw in an awful movie (Little Man) to appease a fake internet pal o' mine who hails it as one of the best ever.

So what did y'all come up with? Well, a single clear favorite came through (The Big Lebowski, which received a vote from 37% of voters; voters could select up to three films each). The rest of the top five shaped up like this:

Team America: World Police - 27%
Dumb and Dumber - 25%
The Princess Bride - 25%
Groundhog Day - 25%

And three votes for Fletch! :D

New poll is another meta-poll. I look at my stats (traffic, feed subscriptions, Followers, etc.) and sometimes see things that seem to contradict each other. I won't get into specifics, but the question that came to me is "I wonder how many people come here and read but never comment?" So even if you are one of those people and you think that answering the poll question might violate your code of silence, do it just this once for me. Muchas gracias.

Update: See comments - we have a bonus poll.

And then...

March to Box Office Madness scoring update (through 7/19)

Though the March to Box Office Madness game technically won't end until late September, I'm going to be periodically posting updates to the standings. It's been some time since the game started, so I figured now was a good time.

We're far enough along that a general shape is starting to show up in the brackets, with one region complete. However, we still have a long way to go, as evidenced by some of the other regions, where as few as one matchup has been decided. To view the current bracket in PDF form, click here (or if you wish to save, do a "Save Target As"): http://www.freewebs.com/blogcabins/march2madnessmaster.pdf

To date, there are 20 available points (there will be a total of 76 possible by the time the game ends). Out of 34 players, we have but one perfect bracket thus far. Here's the complete standings; if you think I've made an error, be sure to let me know. Click here to read all about the game.

NAME	TOTAL
Ross W.	20
Dylan	19
T.L. Bugg	18
Alex D.	17
Wayne	16
Ivan S.	16
Rik F.	14
dreamrot	13
clara m.	13
Wendymoon	13
Daniel G.	13
BD79	12
Nick	12
Jim B.	12
Linda S.	12
Rachel	12
Jess	12
Mikey Filmmaker	12
Anders	11
Josh L.	10
Keith	17 (scoring error fixed)
Scott M.	10
James H.	10
Nayana A.	10
Chaka	10
Jason S.	9
Derek	9
TC K.	9
Friend Mouse	9
Shane C.	9
Rick B.	8
Stephanie	8
Joseph D.	7
Piper	7

All box office data from Box Office Mojo.

And then...

Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#50-52)

Has it really been nearly a year that Stained Glass Cinema has been around? Seems like just yesterday...

I think it had also been some time since I got to stump you all, but I did it again last week. The answer was Copycat. This week, in honor of the 50th edition, I'm giving you numbers 51 and 52 as well, for a rare three-fer. One is easy, the other two...not so much.


























































Standings:
J.D. - 11
Fletch - 8
Wendymoon - 5
Jason/Daniel, Nick - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto, David Bishop, Clive Dangerously - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Rachel, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, Dave, BD79, JLG - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

And then...

TGITDNMAR (7/24/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Pick up a book. Go outside and play frolf. Call your Mom and say "Hi." Pull weeds. Poke yourself with a toothpick until it's dull. Any of these choices are better than the selection of new releases at your local cinema. Proceed with caution...

G-Force
It's a Jerry Bruckheimer-produced movie, so you know Nic Cage has weaseled his way into the cast, practically guaranteeing that any interest I might have ever had (which I never did) disappeared along with his appearance.

But really, Disney? Is this your legacy? Pick a different species each year, make a cutesy movie where said species talks and make boatloads of money off of parents with little other choices for their kids' entertainment? I love Disneyland and grew up loving Disney like everyone else, but this is getting ridiculous. Just shut this crap down and let the guys from Pixar run the entire film division.

Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

Orphan

(500) Days of Summer finally comes to Phoenix this weekend. In one theater. Meanwhile, this Evil Kid Haunts Parents garbage is opening wide? As much as I like co-star Peter Saarsgard, I must root against this movie with all my heart; it looks gawdawful. To make matters worse, what the hell is up with Saarsgard's movie wife, Vera Farmiga? Starring just two years ago in another Evil Kid Haunts Parents (Joshua) wasn't enough? Bizarre career choice here.

Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 3%

The Ugly Truth
I looked hard for a reason to give a rat's ankle about this movie. Really, I did. I guess it comes down to you gender and your thoughts on the star of the opposite gender. And yeah, Katherine Heigl's nice to look at, but I'm not in love with her acting or anything, and word on the street is that she's a bit of a bitch. But what do I know? She might be a gentle butterfly who makes pudding for her friends. Either way, she's not enough for me to care about this. Neither is Gerard Butler, for that matter, who seems to have squandered away all of his 300 buzz on crappy movies. Enjoy your upcoming TV series, Gerard.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 2%

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Brüno

It may not be evidence of its quality, but if you were looking for a sign that a film like Brüno is necessary, you perhaps need look no further than your local theater. If it's anything like mine (Harkins Theaters, which I love, by the way), then the situation you encountered while attempting to see the film might have led you to believe you were attending the latest entry in the Faces of Death series.

I exit my nicely air-conditioned car and venture out into the 110°+ heat. I make my way to the box office, where I'm greeted by a sign that says something to the effect of this:

NOTICE!

BRÜNO CONTAINS STRONG, SUSTAINED SEXUAL CONTENT

NO ONE UNDER 17 ADMITTED

without parent or guardian with them throughout the film.

I chuckle at the sign, thinking it to be a bit overkill (and at how they seem to try to portray it as NC-17 with the smaller disclaimer that minors can get in with a parent/guardian); after all, anyone remotely familiar with Sasha Baron Cohen should know to expect somewhat shocking, profane and controversial subject matter. No worries, though. I place my order: "2 adults for Brüno." The 16-year old behind the glass diverts from his usual routine, going into a rehearsed script: "Are you aware that this film contains sustained scenes of strong sexual --" I cut him off. "Yes." What am I getting myself into?

I walk inside and hand our tickets to the ticket-taker. He glances at them, and following the lead of the box office boy, has added something to his standing "theater 6 is to your right" (as if I need to be told where the theaters are anymore). He too asks us if we're aware of how filthy and naughty this Brüno is. We say "yes" yet again. Ok, enough already people.

We get our drinks and popcorn and make our way to theater 6. Good f*cking God, man! Not only is there yet another (bigger) sign, but they have an employee stationed outside the doors checking tickets prior to granting entry (not something usually done at this particular multiplex, though I wish it was as it might keep the teenage riff-raff element out a bit more). Are you keeping track of the number of warnings and/or obstacles we've been faced with thus far, for a film rated R, the same rating that 5 other films at this multiplex of 14 theaters contains, none of which has a single warning or disclaimer aside from its MPAA rating? What are we to make of this?

We watch the film and find out.

Brüno is indeed an obscene, profane movie, filled with references to sex (and sex acts) and contains ample nudity, though after one viewing I'd be hard-pressed to say it contained any more than something like Basic Instinct and certainly less screen time than even the CGI-assisted Watchmen from earlier this year. And while each of those films had their share of media hype and outcry from conservative pundits, I don't recall nearly the direct scrutiny when actually purchasing a ticket for said film. No, the difference here, as This Film Is Not Yet Rated director Kirby Dick would be quick to tell you, is that Brüno deals directly with homosexuality. That's right, kids - gay sex. Man on man. Penises. Anuses. Rectums. Dildos.

God f*cking forbid.

It's a shame, then, that Brüno isn't terribly funny (or even poignant), because if the experience I encountered, in a not-all-that conservative town such as Scottsdale (yes, I know Arizona is historically a red state, but this isn't the bible belt we're talking about here), is any indication, Cohen not only pulled his pranks on the unknowing rubes within the movie, he's done it to countless hundreds of theaters and millions of audience members nationwide as well. He's proved his point in spades.

However, he might have also proved that when it comes to film, he's a one-trick pony. We're all aware that the characters of Borat, Brüno and Ali G came from Cohen's popular Da Ali G show, but that doesn't mean that the spin-off films need to follow the exact same premise. Foreign character with goofy accent treks to America to become a star, fails miserably, becomes homeless, and only through those trials and tribulations does he learn what he must do to go forward. This idea might have worked had Brüno been half as funny as Borat was, but it just can't measure up to naked man-on-man wrestling and anti-semitism no matter how hard it tries. And it tries hard. Unfortunately, the harder Cohen pushes the audience, the harder it is he falls when they back away, leaving him with nothing to push but the air in front of him. There are some flashes of brilliance here, maybe enough to warrant an HBO viewing in six months, but not enough to get in a tizzy over.

Oh wait - too late for that.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"Whatever."

And then...

Tuesday's Twelve Tags #29

Last week's winner: BD79, with 8 points.
The theme: Each film takes place over the span of a single day (or less). (BD79)

Ok, I'm in a hurry, but I wanted to get this done somewhat on time. As such, the theme is pretty easy (see below for value). Here goes nothing...

Here's the new dozen. The rules are simple: I'm going to give you a dozen taglines, all you have to do is name as many flicks that they belong to as you can. Try to resist the Google. Get the most and you win. There will always be a theme, though it's worth will vary according to how difficult I think it is. This week, it's worth 3 points.

1. Miracles do happen
2. His news is bigger than your news.
3. An irresistibly charming comedy!
4. You know the name. You know the number.
5. Prepare to be blown out of the water.
6. Invisible. Silent. Stolen.
7. Being the adventures of a young man whose principal interests are rape, ultra-violence and Beethoven.
8. Alice Walker's Pulitzer Prize Winning Story.
9. Temptation is bliss
10. No Laws. No Limits. One Rule. Never Fall In Love.
11. It's a strange world.
12. Where does a mother end and a daughter begin?

As you get them right, I'll mark them as gotten and stuff. Good luck.

Standings
Justin - 8
Nick - 5.5
Jess - 4
J.D. - 2.5
Shane, Jason Soto - 2
BD79 - 1.5
Sea_of_Green, Kyle - 1
Dead Pan - .5

Correct answers so far:
1. The Green Mile (Justin)
2. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (Justin)
3. Green Card (Justin)
4. GoldenEye (Paul)
5. Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (Paul)
6. The Hunt for Red October (Big Mike)
7. A Clockwork Orange (Justin)
8. The Color Purple (Justin)
9. Into the Blue (Justin)
10. Moulin Rouge (Justin)
11. Blue Velvet (Justin)
12. White Oleander (Paul)
Theme - Every film title has a color in it. (Fox)

And then...

Taking you so far inside the mind of a movie geek, you might never get out...

Let me take you on a journey...

As you ought to know by now, I recently took a trip to the East Coast. Specifically, Mrs. Fletch and I went to Washington D.C., followed by a drive to Cape Cod. It was an excellent vacation; a great time had by all (many thanks to our friends in each locale that served as tour guides) and a terrific respite from the sweltering heat of the Valley of the Sun(stroke). But I digress.

We spent many hours planning our trip. The best dates to get the cheapest flights, the route from D.C. to Massachusetts, what to see, and of course, where to stay. Our accommodations in the nation's capitol were at the hip(stery) Hotel Rouge, an ultramodern, übercool inn less than two miles from the White House. That distance, as it happens, even runs along a straight line down 16th street (hence the 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW address).

Being the geek that I am, I hopped onto Google Maps, wanting to take a look at the street-level view of the hotel to ensure that it was in a decent part of town. After making the realization that it was indeed on the same street (or at least, the street that leads to) the White House, I took a virtual stroll down 16th Street on the way to Barack's house. Eventually, I happened upon this image of the street directly in front of the north lawn of the White House:


Aside from the obvious Casa Blanca in the background, a faint glimmer of recognition of...something else sparked in my mind. A quick turn to the right showed this image of a building just across the street, another hotel, this one called the Hay Adams:


Look familiar? If you've ever seen the film Election, it should. Don't remember? Here, take a gander at the trailer if your memory needs jogging. The scene in question is trimmed to but a few seconds in the beginning, but it ought to be enough to jar the cobwebs loose.

Do you see where this is going? Well, you ought to. I mean, we're gonna see the White House on our trip anyway, right?

So, for your viewing pleasure and mine, I present to you a photographic re-creation of the Election scene, with your humble host playing the roles of both Matthew Broderick and Reese Witherspoon (thankfully, without any wardrobe changes). Many thanks to the good-natured Mrs. Fletch for humoring me.


First, we see our protagonist, Mr. Jim McAllister, freshly ousted from Omaha and living in Washington, D.C. He's taken a job at a local museum and is out sightseeing one day when he comes upon the Hay Adams:


He soon spots the young Miss Tracy Flick, with a local Senator (if I recall correctly; not pictured), exiting the hotel:


She enters a waiting car that soon departs the hotel. Silently infuriated, he runs after the car and throws his coffee/milkshake at its back window:


The car, headed north on 16th Street, slams on its brakes, its driver apparently set to angrily exit the vehicle to come after McAllister:


McAllister retreats into the park just north of the White House, beyond a fence in which cars can not pass:


THE END

As it turns out, I'm not the only person geeky enough to notice and/or document this scene. While doing "research" for this post, I found this video, which was posted by the tastefully named (coincidentally?) YouTuber "chevychase." Enjoy (and please disregard the fact that I've made the video player a bit too large for the area).

And then...

Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#49)

I still don't get how Clive pulled 9 to 5 out of his ass last week, but he did and it's done. Personally, I think foul play was involved somehow, but I can't prove anything, so it stands. As a result, I'm just gonna have to pull out some tough ones over the next few weeks. Or so I think...






















Standings:
J.D. - 11
Fletch - 7
Wendymoon - 5
Jason/Daniel, Nick - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto, David Bishop, Clive Dangerously - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Rachel, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, Dave, BD79, JLG - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

And then...

I'm back...

...but not quite ready for full-time blogging. Something about being away from a computer for an extended period of time kills all of my blogging momentum upon my return. That momentum always returns, though, and it seems that the longer I've been blogging for, the quicker it seems to come back with each trip. If that makes any sense at all.

After seeing the latest Harry Potter flick this afternoon, I'm not three reviews behind, with that, Ice Age 3 and Night at the Museum 2 in the queue, but expect to see the latter two in a combined review soon. Also, there's a SGC set for tomorrow, a new FF-UN on deck, and the latest Tuesday's 12 Tags set for, um, Tuesday. As a special bonus, I've got a special present in store for the true film geeks out there. Don't get your hopes up - it was just me being a geek in D.C. and Mrs. Fletch playing along.

Hope you all had a great week. I certainly did, though coming back to 115 degree weather sure wasn't what the doctor ordered...

And then...

Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#48)

As mentioned previously, I'm out of town right now (currently walking around D.C.), but I figured scheduling one of these was easy enough. That being said, since I'm not here to confirm or deny any answers, I figured I'd make this one difficult, so as to keep you all busy while the cat is away.

To help, I'm giving you a hint: this is not a recent film. Good luck.





















Standings:
J.D. - 11
Fletch - 7
Wendymoon - 5
Jason/Daniel, Nick - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto, David Bishop - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Rachel, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, Dave, BD79, Clive Dangerously, JLG - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

And then...

Goodnight you princes of Blogger, you kings of Wordpress (and a mini-TGITDNMAR)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Well, Mrs. Fletch and I head out for the lovely and hopefully not too humid East Coast tomorrow on a weeklong vacation. We're off first to Washington D.C. to do all of the normal touristy stuff (and see some friends), and then we'll drive to the Cape Cod area to see some more friends and make our way to Martha's Vineyard and/or Nantucket. It should make for an excellent getaway from the supposed-to-be 116 degree Phoenician heat this weekend - we're getting out at just the perfect time.

Hopefully (and almost assuredly), I'll find some time to check in while away, but even if I don't, I have a post scheduled for later this weekend, and just might schedule another if I find some time tomorrow morning. But otherwise, I won't be back full-time until next Saturday at the earliest. Have a great week, see lots of movies, and if you're looking to really kill some time, send me an email and ask me for our of the 4 invites I have to go for Flickchart.com, my latest addiction (thanks mostly to Tommy Salami from Pluck You, Too! and Rick "The Hat" Bman from Stop the Planet of the Apes...). It's a site where, instead of just applying stars or tomatoes or cucumbers to individual films, you are given two films at a time, and (assuming you've seen both) you must pick one. It's that simple, and if that doesn't sound great, trust that it is. The best part is you end up slowly but surely building your list of favorite movies, and the more you do it, the more accurate your list will be. If you'd like to read more, Rick wrote a longer post about it here.

And now for a little TGITDNMAR. By the way, know that any percentages given are with the caveat of "not for at least a week from now..."

Bruno
Sasha Baron Cohen and Larry David have made it really hard for us to not think of Borat when it comes to Bruno, but not only do they probably not care about that, they likely see it as big positive. At least that will get folks into the theater; I'm not sure it's gonna help afterwards when people are comparing the latter to the former.

I'm not too worried. It looks funny as hell despite the fact that Bruno was my 3rd favorite character (and everyone else's) after Ali G and Borat on Cohen's Da Ali G Show. I'm there.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 98%


I Love You, Beth Cooper
Is director Chris Columbus in the witness protection plan or something? Let me get this straight - the guy has a major hit streak with Home Alone, Home Alone 2, Mrs. Doubtfire and (a modest hit in) Nine Months. Then the guy makes a pair of movies that either bombed or earned a collective "meh" from audiences in Stepmom and Bicentennial Man. THEN he somehow gets to helm the first Harry Potter flick, which turns out (no suprise) to be a huge hit. He does the second one as well, and the producers more or less wish he'd stick around and direct the whole series. He doesn't, which turns out great for the series, turning it into a director's showcase of sorts, and Alfonso Cuaron made my favorite with the next one in line, Prisoner of Azkaban (cue violently agnry comment from R2D2's Nick...now).

Still with me? Okay, so he doesn't do any more Potters. What does he do? Not a damn thing, really. He made some documentary no one has ever heard of in 2005, the same year he made the musical Rent, which I paid no attention to, so it must not have mattered culturally speaking. That's it! Since 2002! And here we are in 2009 and he's helming this teen comedy, which looks like fried, sauteed, and boiled crap on a stick. Oh, and it stars a fugly kid (sorry, fugly kid). Not just meh, but blah. On the bright side, they did a bit of inspired casting by getting Cameron Frye himself, Alan Ruck to play one of the parents, and commercial actor (formerly seen on the TV show Ed) Pat Finn, who I like and wish well. Aside from those two, though, this movie can go back to the hell from whence it came.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 1%

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Outrage

It's hard not to, ahem, get behind Kirby Dick's Outrage. If there's one thing Americans love more than schadenfreude and the building up/tearing down of our public figures, it's exposing hypocrites for what they are. On the heels of the Larry Craig/airport bathroom scandal, Dick set out to do just that; with an arsenal of journalists, bloggers, radio personalities, and even disgraced former New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey behind him, Dick goes on the offensive for the GLBT demo, firing back at politicians that fight against gay rights in public, only to (perhaps) be living lies when it comes to their private lives.

Dick and Co. know it's a slippery slope they're playing on. For each politician they go after, from Craig to Florida governor Charlie Crist to former New York City mayor Ed Koch, there are a number of sources that claim behind-the-scenes knowledge of the lives of these men that goes beyond the public eye. The film steers away from the more opinionated style of documentaries from their liberal counterpart Michael Moore and stays the course with facts and hard data backing it up. Unlike Dick's last doc, 2006's This Film Is Not Yet Rated, Dick is nowhere to be seen; instead, he leaves the talking to sources like McGreevey, former Tempe (Arizona) mayor Neil Giuliano and Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank, all current or former politicians and all out gay men.

The filmmaking is sound if not particularly noteworthy; it's less of a story being told here than a series of case studies each delving into the lies and voting records of a singular politician. That being the case, your enjoyment of the movie is likely tied to your socio-political leanings going in. That being said, even though I'm pro-Outrage and Dick's goal, a small part of me can't help but worry that maybe, just maybe, the film is a mistake. If even one of Outrage's targets is not, in fact, homosexual, then the whole affair becomes a well-meaning, slanderous waste that helps no one and hurts the movement entirely. It's easy to point fingers, but you had better be aiming them in the right direction.

Oh, and the Harvey Milk tie-in at the last second felt sappy and forced. The connection is credible - Milk was a force in the gay community and a leading proponent of gays outing themselves, but coming on the heels of Milk's success, his inclusion lessens Outrage's own impact and makes it seem as though it's merely a docu-epilogue to last year's biopic.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"Darn tootin!"

And then...

Counting Down the Zeroes: Code 46 (2003)

[Editor's note: this post is part of Ibetolis' excellent, ambitious Counting Down the Zeroes project, in which he's asking bloggers high and low to write about their favorite films from 2000-2009. It also features yearly top tens from a number of bloggers, and in-depth looks at the awards ceremonies from the various years. Comprehensive as hell. I chose to write about the underseen, underrated Code 46.]

For the past 20 years, I've lived in the Phoenix metro area. It's no New York City in terms of the variety of our diversity, but it's certainly a place where you notice the lack of an official language. The Spanish language is everywhere. This type of experience may or may not be common to you; if you reside in California or Washington, you might be learning Japanese without trying; if you're in Toronto, your proximity to Montreal might be enhancing your mastery of French. And if you live in New Orleans, well hell - you might be picking up French, Spanish and Creole.

It's funny - for the sake of simplicity, I'm all for America adopting English as it's official language, but the melting pot of languages as seen in Code 46 appeals to me more than anything else. In the global community depicted, people from all over the world are not just bi- or tri-lingual, they're simultaneously multi-lingual, peppering their speech with a palabra from Español here, a bon huit from Français there, along with Chinese, Arabic and other languages as well. It might be a bit 'pixies and fairy dust,' but to me it represents a hopeful future in which the world gets small as we embrace other tongues and other cultures. After all, it's harder to have miscommunication problems with the world at-large when you're all speaking the same language.

Roger Ebert, in his two-and-a-half star review of one of my favorite films of the Noughties, said:

"The problem with Code 46 is that the movie, filled with ideas and imagination, is murky in its rules and intentions. I cannot say I understand the hows and whys of this future world, nor do I much care, since it's mostly a clever backdrop to a love affair that would easily teleport to many other genres: Investigator falls in love with mystery woman, helps her commit crime, risks being left hanging out to dry. Double Indemnity."

I can't argue much with his basic premise - taken to its basest level, the storyline of this Michael Winterbottom drama is not earthshatteringly original. But what film's plot could survive being narrowed down to 18 words and come out feeling fresh anyhow?

Similarly, while I'm loathe to boil down my appreciation of Code 46 to a substance vs. style argument, I must admit that the style is where my love for it comes from most. It's set, a la the similarly genetically-enhanced Gattaca, in a vague near-future, in a time where the ozone has eroded to such a level that day has become night and night day, turning the world's population into vampires in their attempts to escape the harsh effects of the sun. Those with means, and with "papelles" (similar to visas), live in megalopolises while the unlucky huddled masses are forced to live a nomadic life in the vast deserted spaces in between.

Samantha Morton's Maria works for the Sphinx, a Customs-like corporation that deems who is and isn't allowed to travel and live within the confines of the cities. "The Sphinx knows all," say the characters. Specifically, Maria works with the papelles themselves, and having grown up "outside" prior to gaining entry, is sympathetic to those wishing to travel to places the Sphinx won't allow. So she cheats the system, and in time, an investigator (Tim Robbins) is sent to determine which of the workers is illegally smuggling papelles. Given an "empathy virus" prior to his arrival that allows him intuition into people's minds, Robbins' William Geld is put in a position to quickly identify the culprit. But, for reasons tied to the title and prologue, William feels a connection to Maria and, despite his best intentions does not turn her in, instead falling in love with her.

So yeah, the story's rote. Only it's not. Like the literal talk soup going on, this simple love story is sprinkled by writer Frank Cottrell Boyce with a great twist that adds a heaviness to the proceedings that most love stories can't touch. At the same time, Winterbottom tosses in subtle futuristic technologies that are not only ingenious but believable for a near future (for example, when William enters his Shanghai hotel room with the bright morning sunshine blaring in through the floor-to-ceiling windows, a simple touch of a remote button tints them all by many shades; later, we see that the television he's watching is not a stand-alone set, but embedded into one of the windows. Brilliant.).

I'll take my chances with the Sphinx - perfect or not, this is a world I want to live in.

And then...

Tuesday's Twelve Tags #28

Last week's winner: Jason Soto, with 9 points.
The theme: Each film starred a former and/or current famous stand-up comedian. (Jason Soto)

Early!

Here's the new dozen. The rules are simple: I'm going to give you a dozen taglines, all you have to do is name as many flicks that they belong to as you can. Try to resist the Google. Get the most and you win. There will always be a theme, though it's worth will vary according to how difficult I think it is. This week, it's worth 4 points.

1. The adventures of an ordinary man at war with the everyday world.
2. They only met once, but it changed their lives forever
3. Strangers shouldn't talk to little girls.
4. Things fall down. People look up. And when it rains, it pours.
5. How far would you go for a friend?
6. May the best hitman win.
7. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story
8. Sit back. Relax. Enjoy the fright.
9. Just Because They Serve You... Doesn't Mean They Like You.
10. The world's greatest leader is a hostage in the most dangerous place on Earth. Now only the deadliest man alive can save him.
11. The hardest thing in life is sell
12. They're selling music but not selling out.

As you get them right, I'll mark them as gotten and stuff. Good luck.

Standings
Justin - 8
Nick - 5.5
Jess - 4
J.D. - 2.5
Shane, Jason Soto - 2
Sea_of_Green, Kyle - 1
Dead Pan, BD79 - .5

Correct answers so far:
1. Falling Down (BD79)
2. The Breakfast Club (Justin)
3. Hard Candy (Justin)
4. Magnolia (Justin)
5. 4 months, 3 weeks and 2 day (BD79)
6. Smokin' Aces (Justin)
7. The Paper (Justin)
8. Snakes on a Plane (Justin)
9. Clerks (Justin)
10. Escape from New York (BD79)
11. Glengarry Glen Ross (BD79)
12. Empire Records (Rick "The Hat" BMan)
Theme - Each film takes place over the span of a single day (or less). (BD79)

And then...

Who's ready for some movie blogging?

Not me.

Sorry. Blame the holiday. It's only gonna get worse, too. On Saturday, Mrs. Fletch and I are packing our bags for the East Coast. There will be no laptop accompanying us, and though I'm sure I'll encounter an internet connection somewhere along the way, I don't plan on doing much writing. Perhaps I'll schedule some posts in advance, but I anticipate this place being a bit of a ghost town for a week or so after this Friday.

Until then, I do have things I've been meaning to post, I just need to gather the stamina and desire to do so. Your patience and understanding are appreciated. Woe is me and stuff.

And then...

Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#47)

J.D.'s back, and extending his already impressive lead. Time for a harder one...




















Standings:
J.D. - 11
Fletch - 7
Wendymoon - 5
Jason/Daniel, Nick - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto, David Bishop - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Rachel, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, Dave, BD79, Clive Dangerously - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

And then...

TGITDNMAR (7/3/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

This 4th of July, I will be declaring my independence from movie theaters. I feel so empowered.

Public Enemies
Michael Mann's Butt Score notwithstanding (see next post below), many are saying what I've been thinking about this movie for some time: oh look, Mann made Heat: 1930s Style. And while that shouldn't be a slight against it - after all, Heat is a great flick - for some reason, it's a major turnoff here.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 29%


Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
And yet, we were desperate enough to see this a few days ago. So much for talking bad about Public Enemies. I'll pin this tail on Mrs. Fletch - we'd seen the prior two installments, and she's smitten with talking animals, extinct or otherwise. Sure, let's go with that excuse...
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 100%

Happy 4th of July (Americans)! To the rest of you, happy Saturday.

And then...

Bang for Your Butt

Tangent One
I'm a bit of amateur stat geek. I pay close attention to the weekend box office results, as evidenced by the summer box office games I've devised and such. I play (and win!) fantasy football every year, much to the disdain of a certain Mrs. Fletch, and I dive into analyzing the prior year's stats every July/August in preparation for the upcoming draft(s). I'm a baseball fan and am familiar, if not an expert, with terms like OPS and VORP. I spend all day in Excel and/or Access.

You get the picture.

Tangent Two
If you've read reviews here for some time, you've probably seen me rant a time or twelve about the length of some films these days. Sam Raimi's insufferable 139-minute Spider-Man 3. Gore Verbinski's 169-minute (!!!) third Pirates of the Carribean movie. Even great films like Paul Thomas Anderson's 158-minute masterpiece There Will Be Blood could stand to have a little fat lopped off the top. In my world, movies should not be shorter than 85 minutes and should not be longer than 120 unless there's a really good reason; if you can't tell your story in two hours (give or take a few minutes), then I just might have a problem with you, and my butt most certainly does.

Tangential Combination
So anyway, sometime over the last few days, someone asked me if I was going to see Public Enemies. "I dunno, probably" was probably my answer; the trailer looks ok and all, but I just had this bad feeling about the Johnny Depp-starring, Michael Mann-directed crime saga.

And then I realized what the problem was. Mann doesn't make bad movies - after all, his 11 features have an average IMDb rating of 7.3, just below Steven Spielberg's 7.4. But damned if his movies aren't long as sh*t, and they seem to have been getting longer as his career's gone on. Have a look:

Movie	Rating	Length
The Jericho Mile	7.5	97
Thief	7.2	122
The Keep	5.7	96
Manhunter	7.2	119
The Last of the Mohicans	7.7	112
Heat	8.2	171
The Insider	8.0	157
Collateral	7.8	120
Ali	6.5	157
Miami Vice	6.0	134
Public Enemies	8.7	140

It should be noted that the score for Public Enemies is artificially high (as most new releases on IMDb are) and will likely be below 8.0 by Monday.

Short story long, what I longed for was a metric that told me whether a movie was worth the toll it took on my butt. Not to say that any movie literally bothers my butt to sit through, but you know what I mean - even during a movie like the aforementioned There Will Be Blood, you'll probably find yourself stealing more than a few glances at your watch, wondering just how close to the end this thing is. Or maybe you're sick of 3-hour movies that all but guarantee a trip to the restroom and some missed plot points.

A large factor in deciding what movies I want to see is who is directing, so I figured this metric would work better if we could look at a director's body of work and assign a figure, in the end deciding whether or not they are a Friend of Your Butt (FYB) or an Enemy of Your Butt (EYB). (Before we proceed, please head over to the gutter, lean over, and pick up your mind from it. Thanks. Jerk.) Then, when director X has a new film that comes out, we can look at his/her Butt Score to help determine whether or not it's worth it to see their film in the theater or to maybe wait for a time when a pause button and/or restroom is but a few paces away. But how to quantify that accurately...

In the end, the best solution is sometimes the simplest. To determine a single film's Butt Score, all you do is take the length (in minutes) and divide it by the IMDb rating. I realize IMDb rating's might not be the best judge of a film's value, but a) it's close enough and b) so long as the same scale is used across the board, the results should keep their integrity (integrity, ha ha). Again, let's use Mann as an example:

Movie	Rating	Length	Butt Score
The Jericho Mile	7.5	97	12.93
Thief	7.2	122	16.94
The Keep	5.7	96	16.84
Manhunter	7.2	119	16.53
The Last of the Mohicans	7.7	112	14.55
Heat	8.2	171	20.85
The Insider	8.0	157	19.63
Collateral	7.8	120	15.38
Ali	6.5	157	24.15
Miami Vice	6.0	134	22.33
Public Enemies	8.7	140	16.09

The lower the Butt Score, the better. A great example of this can be seen with The Jericho Mile and The Keep. They clock in at 97 and 96 minutes, respectively (identical), but thanks to a much better rating, Jericho has an impressive 12.93 Butt Score. Of the 69 films I've looked at thus far, the average is 17.37, and only nine were lower than 12.93. Here in the infancy of this metric, the determination of a director's FYB/EYB rating will depend on where their body of work falls in relation to that average score; to do this, I'm taking tossing out their highest and lowest Butt Scores and averaging the rest. Michael Mann, as is turns out, isn't as bad as I might have thought, thanks to the high quality of his work, but the survey says that he is still an Enemy of Your Butt, with a Combined Butt Score of 17.88.

So that's the crux of it. I figure I'll use this brilliant/awful new metric as the springboard for a new feature where I occasionally inform you on the Enemy/Friend status of a topical director. In the meantime, here are a few other bodies of work:

Quentin Tarantino

Movie	Rating	Length	Butt Score
Reservoir Dogs	8.4	99	11.79
Death Proof	7.3	90	12.33
Kill Bill, Vol. 1	8.2	111	13.54
Kill Bill, Vol. 2	8.0	136	17.00
Pulp Fiction	8.9	154	17.30
Inglorious Basterds	8.3	148	17.83
Jackie Brown	7.6	154	20.26

Combined Butt Score: 15.66
Quentin Tarantino is a Friend of Your Butt

Michael Bay

Movie	Rating	Length	Butt Score
Bad Boys	6.5	118	18.15
The Rock	7.2	136	18.89
Transformers	7.4	144	19.46
The Island	6.9	136	19.71
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen	6.6	150	22.73
Bad Boys II	6.2	147	23.71
Armageddon	6.0	150	25.00
Pearl Harbor	5.4	183	33.89

Combined Butt Score: 21.58
Michael Bay is a Enemy of Your Butt (which is the least surprising news I've heard all day; Pearl Harbor had the highest Butt Score of any film I looked at...by far. 2nd worst was Armageddon...)

Wes Anderson

Movie	Rating	Length	Butt Score
Rushmore	7.8	93	11.92
The Darjeeling Limited	7.3	91	12.47
Bottle Rocket	7.2	91	12.64
The Royal Tenenbaums	7.6	110	14.47
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou	7.2	119	16.53

Combined Butt Score: 13.19
Wes Anderson is a Friend of Your Butt (of the six directors I looked at, Anderson had the best CBS. Rushmore placed 4th overall, with Rob Reiner's This is Spinal Tap the clubhouse leader with a scant 10.25 Butt Score. Kudos, Rob Reiner...and irony.)


So...I'm insane, aren't I? Be honest.

And then...

Working on something big...

Sit tight. Have patience. Don't move your butt. Stay there. It's coming soon. It's sofa king we todd ed that it's genius. You're guaranteed to love/hate it.

And then...