Tuesday's Twelve Tags #27

Last week's winner: Justin yet again, with 10 points.
The theme: Each film featured actor Tom Wilkinson. (Justin)

Here's the new dozen. The rules are simple: I'm going to give you a dozen taglines, all you have to do is name as many flicks that they belong to as you can. Try to resist the Google. Get the most and you win. There will always be a theme, though it's worth will vary according to how difficult I think it is. This week, it might be difficult. It's specific yet general. I'm making it worth 8 points.

1. Check your pulse at the door... if you have one.
2. He's taken them hostage. They're driving him nuts.
3. The only thing white is the house.
4. They'll do anything to save their best bud.
5. Brian's about to discover the woman he loves isn't the woman he loves.
6. A comedy with a language all its own.
7. An American excess story.
8. "Hello, my name is Andy and this is my poster."
9. After life there is more. The end is just the beginning.
10. A comedy of incredible proportions.
11. The show has been cancelled...but the adventure is just beginning.
12. He sees dead people... and they annoy him.

As you get them right, I'll mark them as gotten and stuff. Good luck.

Standings
Justin - 8
Nick - 5.5
Jess - 4
J.D. - 2.5
Shane - 2
Sea_of_Green, Jason, Kyle - 1
Dead Pan, BD79 - .5

Correct answers so far:
1. The Haunted Mansion (Clive Dangerously)
2. The Ref (Jason Soto)
3. Head of State (Clive Dangerously)
4. Half Baked (Clive Dangerously)
5. The Truth About Cats and Dogs (Alex)
6. Spanglish (Alex)
7. Brewster's Millions (Alex)
8. Man on the Moon (Clive Dangerously)
9. What Dreams May Come (Clive Dangerously)
10.
11. Galaxy Quest (Clive Dangerously)
12. Ghost Town (Clive Dangerously)
Theme - Each film stars a former/current famous stand-up comedian.

And then...

Public Service Announcement: You go to Big Lots! now

If you're a fan of buying DVDs, especially ones at low low closeout prices (!!), you should head to Big Lots! soon. I happened to go there yesterday looking for some random thing made out of plastic (they have lots of those there) whence I happened upon a large cardboard utopia filled with terrible movies from days gone by.

Spent a good 15-20 minutes perusing the likes of Hooper, New York Minute, and 2-packs with Cobra and Tango & Cash (which I really should have gotten, based off the Brion James post). Alas, I did not get any of those movies. However, I did pick up the threesome below (note: shockingly, I did not see the movie Threesome amongst the choices) for a grand whopping total of $8.00. The first two were three dollars apiece and the third was but two. As a bonus, all were widescreen; keep an eye out for evil Full Frame DVDs lurking out there, like the one they had for Dave Chappelle's Block Party.



Awesomeness. If you have a Big Lots! in your metropolis or village, get there fast. Well, maybe you don't have to go that fast - after all, I think much of your competition is old people and/or other people with bad knees.

And then...

Familiar Face - Unknown Name #15 - Brion James

Call them what you want - character actors, "That Guy(s)," scene stealers - I don't care. This is a regular feature where I spotlight one performer, whether they be longtime veterans like J.K. Simmons or Barry Corbin, or a fresher face just making their way up the stardom ranks. For previous FF-UNs, click here.

Today's Familiar Face-Unknown Name:

Brion James

Where You've Seen Him (high profile): Blade Runner, most famously. Also, 48 Hrs., Another 48 Hrs., The Player, and The Fifth Element.

Where You've Seen Him (not-so-high profile): Another Bruce Willis vehicle in Striking Distance. Any number of TV shows (Hunter, Silk Stalkings, The A-Team, The Dukes of Hazzard), but mostly in a bunch of sci-fi or action B Movies, judging by the titles (Steel Dawn, Red Scorpion, Mutator, Scanner Cop, Spitfire, and my favorite by a country mile, Pterodactyl Woman from Beverly Hills).

Character Specialties: Dirtbags and their cousins, scumbags. Shifty-eyed psychopaths. "From Wikipedia: "Concerning his talent for playing villains in films, he stated in an interview in Fangoria magazine, "'I consider myself a classical character actor like Lon Chaney, Wallace Beery, Charles Laughton. I always like to play bad guys. I'm real good at psychotic behavior."

My favorite role: First of all, I'm a little ashamed to say that I really haven't seen all that much of James' highest-profile work. I don't even think I've seen all of 48 Hrs. Haven't seen Tango & Cash. I've seen Red Heat, but it's been forever. Surely haven't seen the cadre of B movies. Easy as it might be to pick Leon from Blade Runner, I'm going with General Munro from The Fifth Element. For what really wasn't an essential role to the movie, he took hold of it and made it a ton of fun. A rare time where I can recall him getting a chance to smile.

Little Known Facts: Did a healthy dose of voice work (Superman and Batman animated TV shows, amongst other things).

Acted in five Walter Hill films (48 Hrs., Another 48 Hrs., Red Heat, Hard Times, and Southern Comfort).

Here's a sad story via IMDb: "[on his part in Another 48 Hrs. (1990) being heavily cut down] Total Recall (1990) came out a week before Another 48 Hrs. that summer, it made 25 million. The studio panicked. My stuff was in there until one week before the film opened. They cut 25 minutes out of that movie, a week before it opened. It went from around 140 to down to around 95 minutes. They said cut all the behavior, action, comedy, done. I lost every major scene I had. That's the last time I ever cared about a movie because I went to the press screening and it was like getting kicked in the stomach, seeing what's not there. I'm the third lead and I looked like a dress extra. All the stuff that they had in the set-up, stuff in the trailer, all those scenes were gone."

The saddest story of all, though, and one made sadder by the fact that I was completely unaware of it...James died 10 years ago come August 7th. He died of a heart attack in 1999 at the age of 54.

On Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brion_James
On IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001397/

And then...

Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#46)

I have a feeling that you're either going to get this right away or not at all. Pretty popular film, though...




















Standings:
J.D. - 10
Fletch - 7
Wendymoon - 5
Jason/Daniel, Nick - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto, David Bishop - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Rachel, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, Dave, BD79, Clive Dangerously - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

And then...

TGITDNMAR (6/26/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Saw Night at the Museum 2 last night. No, I can't believe it, either. What can I say? We were desperate for popcorn and the company of strangers that we don't have to sit next to. The popcorn was good.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
You know, despite my hatred of Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay, I was all set to repeat my actions from two years ago and blow some money on this loud, mind-numbing action flick. Maybe the action would be more coherent. Maybe John Turturro and Jon Voight would have larger or smaller roles, making the film more/less enjoyable (depending on whether you were annoyed by them, entertained by them, or both). Maybe Megan Fox would do a striptease for no good reason. All this was reason enough to check it out.

But no. Apparently, it's not only gawdawful, but it's 147 damn minutes long. I can wait for HBO.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 7%

My Sister's Keeper
Counterprogramming alert!!!

Don't want to see the testosterone-fueled flick where everything gets blown up and dies quickly? Well, how about a chick flick (with kids) where people die slowly and painfully.

Reminds me very much of this part (specifically, the popcorn part) of Eddie Izzard's tremendous Dressed to Kill comedy special from some years back:



Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%

Time to hit the DVR for movies to watch this weekend...

P.S. - Oh, by the way: I accidentally overwrote this week's TGITDNMAR over last week's, so the first few comments won't make a lick of sense...oh well.

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Away We Go and Sin Nombre

Seeing Away We Go, the romantic comedy/road trip film co-written by humorist Dave Eggers and wife Vendela Vida, a week or two after seeing Sin Nombre, an immigration and gangland drama from director Cary Joji Fukunaga, it's practically the eighth wonder of the world that I didn't hate Away. I certainly couldn't blame others for feeling that way.

Sin Nombre tells the converging stories of Sayra and Willy. Sayra is attempting to emigrate from her native Honduras to America. She does this via a dangerous and lengthy top-of-a-train ride throughout Mexico, along with her uncle and previously estranged father. They cross paths with Willy aka El Casper, a conflicted gang member in southern Mexico. El Casper has just taken on a new young protege, El Smiley, a situation which allows the audience a glimpse into just how brutal (and yet appealing to young boys) gang life can be. Due to circumstances larger than themselves, Willy and Sayra meet, bond, and end up on the run for America - one fighting to live another day, the other looking for something worth living for.

I don't know if it's white guilt or general American guilt or what, but I had a hard enough time not feeling like an asshole just watching Sin Nombre. Sayra, Willy and their families (blood or gang) are killing themselves just to get into the United States, just to get themselves menial labor jobs, just to be thousands of miles from their families and home countries. How much luck, or lack thereof, is granted merely by birthright? Regardless of where one might stand on the immigration debate, it's hard not to empathize with the plight of these dreamers.

On the other hand, there's the Sam Mendes-directed Away We Go, the tale of Burt and Verona, a pair of Q (not using the word...you know what it is) intellectuals; she's some sort of technical artist of medical illustrations, he's a salesman that likes to whittle wood in his spare time and dream of a "Tom Sawyer-like" childhood for his soon-to-be-born offspring. Oh, and get this - they think they're "f*ck-ups" because they're in the their early-30s and have a piece of cardboard for a window in their Colorado trailer home. And Burt's parents, who were deemed to be the de facto baby-sitters of the coming grandchild, are moving to Belgium or some such Euro destination. Woe is them! Whatever will they do?

Here's what they'll do: this supposedly lower-class couple of f*ck-ups will tour North America in search of a new place to settle down. They'll fly to Phoenix, then drive to Madison, Montreal, Miami, and god knows how many other places, all while the audience sits back and wonders how they're able to afford this what-seems-like-a-month-long vacation, seeing as how they can't afford to fix a window. Along the way, they'll be re-affirmed in the notion that everyone else out there, no matter how well-off they might seem financially or emotionally, is just as screwed up as they are, if not worse. And they'll end up in the most logical of destinations, the one place they never considered in the first place.

Now you tell me - how am I supposed to feel bad for Burt and Verona after watching Willy and Sayra? Is there any context in which they don't come off as whiny, self-entitled twits? Waah, Colorado isn't perfect for us, so we're gonna just freely travel anywhere the hell we want, with no concern for finances, to find the Utopia for our unborn child. En route, we'll act like ungrateful children to people because we don't agree with their lifestyle and we'll bolt anywhere at the first sign of trouble. Meanwhile, Willy and Sayra will risk their lives for drinking water and the privilege of changing clothes.

Amazingly, I didn't hate either Burt, Verona, or Away We Go. John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph made for a likable couple, Buffalo Exchange-duds and magical vacation money notwithstanding. And, despite their circumstantial differences, the Away couple isn't really all that different from the Nombre one: regardless of where you're born, we can all identify with the notion of wanting to make our lives better, and just as it's not the fault of the person in poverty for being born there, it's not the fault of the middle-class denizen for being born there.

But it is entirely acceptable to hate the Away couple played by Maggie Gyllenhaal and Josh Hamilton. They're just douchebags.

Fletch's Film Rating:
Away We Go

"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."


Sin Nombre

"Darn tootin!"

And then...

Poll results; new poll

In this, the year of Nine/9 movies, you are largely undecided, with District 9 and the Daniel Day-Lewis muscial Nine taking the top spots in the last poll. Though maybe your lack of a frontrunner was my fault; after all, I somehow excluded the Nine-iest movie of them all: some indie flick called $9.99. Clearly, that would have won.

New poll, about funny movies, is up and has been for a few days. In fact, it already has more votes than the Nine/9 poll received in its entire run. Got it - I've made a mental note that you're enthralled and mesmerized by polls with lots of choices.

And then...

Working on getting my Certified Famous Friend

For the last year or so, I've been hankering to have a Certified Famous Friend of Blog Cabins. I've never been one to care much about celebrity gossip, and I'd never be one to "geek out" in the face of a celebrity (I'm much more likely to intentionally ignore them if I see them, as I figure they get more than enough of the geeking), but I just kinda think it'd be cool for me to have the ear of a well-known actor or director, and vice-versa. They can give me meaningless yet fascinating dirt to dish from the set of their new movie ("You'll never believe what Vin Diesel puts in his cereal!") and I can give them a place to vent, anonymously or not. As a bonus for them, I might even be selloutish enough to give them unequivocal positive reviews and stuff (but maybe not, I do have my integrity to think about).

Well, I just might be one step closer today than I was three days ago. See, I noticed a little spike in my traffic yesterday. A visit to my neighborhood friendly StatCounter showed me that I was getting a number of visitors from a Facebook referral and a handful from Twitter. I'm not a Twitter member and I keep my Facebook pimping to a minimum, so I knew it wasn't from me. Also, I could see that the landing page was a specific post and not the main page.

Turns out the post being linked to was my plea to the hot comedy directors of today to get Matt Walsh, Ken Jeong, and Joe Lo Truglio a starring feature, either together or seperately. Typically, referral links from FB and Twitter won't let you see what page (in other words, who) was linking to you, and that was the case yesterday. But this morning, I noticed that one of the Twitter referrals looked like someone's profile and not just the usual "home" link. It's this one: http://twitter.com/MORGANVUKOVIC

Might not seem like much, but after some further internet investigating (aka stalking), I've come to learn that, in March 2009, Morgan Vukovic married Matt Walsh. First of all, thanks to the magical Wikipedia for that info. Second, thanks to Morgan - I hope you liked the post; please let Matt know that I've been a fan of his since I first saw him and his cohorts on Upright Citizens Brigade some 10+ years ago, and that I'm still waiting for Ass Pennies: The Movie.

[Update: how dare I! The lovely Morgan has done just fine in her own right, studying with UCB and working in films, TV and videos, including a part in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Here's her IMDb resume: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0904382/.]

Of course, should Matt like to become the Certified Famous Friend of Blog Cabins, even better.

If that were the case, I might even be able to dish all about his "new half-hour comedy series Players, which was recently greenlit by Spike TV. Walsh, creator and executive producer of the show, stars in the series alongside his Upright Citizens Brigade comedy partner Ian Roberts, playing Walsh's uptight older brother who he runs a sports bar with. Spike has ordered 10 episodes of the series, which recently went into production in Los Angeles and is set for a summer 2009 premiere." (Wiki again)

And then...

Tuesday's Twelve Tags #26

Last week's winner: TTT front-runner Justin, with 7 points.
The theme: Each film contains a MacGufin, in a hotly contested, hotly debated race. See last week's comments for more. (Nick/Justin)

Here's the new dozen. The rules are simple: I'm going to give you a dozen taglines, all you have to do is name as many flicks that they belong to as you can. Try to resist the Google. Get the most and you win. There will always be a theme, though it's worth will vary according to how difficult I think it is. This week, the theme is worth 3 points.

1. Two cops. One is all talk. The other is all action.
2. Trust me. I'm a doctor.
3. He's About To Get Medieval On You.
4. We all make choices. What's yours?
5. She was the first of her kind. He was the last of his.
6. His love for her forced fate to change.
7. Falsely accused. Wrongly imprisoned. He fought for justice to clear his father's name.
8. Control Your Fear
9. Lose your heart and come to your senses.
10. What would you do if they destroyed your home, threatened your family. Where would you draw the line?
11. Discover the mystery behind the legend.
12. Snow covers everything...except the truth

As you get them right, I'll mark them as gotten and stuff. Good luck.

Standings
Justin - 7
Nick - 5.5
Jess - 4
J.D. - 2.5
Shane - 2
Sea_of_Green, Jason, Kyle - 1
Dead Pan, BD79 - .5

Correct answers so far:
1. Rush Hour (Jess)
2. Paper Mask (Justin)
3. Black Knight (Justin)
4. The Last Kiss (Justin)
5. Stage Beauty (Jess)
6. If Only (Jess)
7. In the Name of the Father (Big Mike)
8. The Ghost and the Darkness (Justin)
9. Sense and Sensibility (Justin)
10. The Patriot (Justin)
11. Girl with a Pearl Earring (Justin)
12. Smilla's Sense of Snow (Jess)
Theme - Each film features Tom Wilkinson (Justin)

And then...

Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#45)

Early bird gets the worm...




















Standings:
J.D. - 10
Fletch - 7
Wendymoon - 5
Jason/Daniel, Nick - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto, David Bishop - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Rachel, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, Dave, BD79 - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3

Tony Scott just doesn't know when to leave well enough alone. The True Romance and Top Gun director has what most would consider to be a successful career, both commercially (especially commercially) and critically (hit and miss, but not reviled like Michael Bay), but the 64-year old director seems to be regressing to his teenage years. 11 and eight years ago, respectively, he gave us Enemy of the State and Spy Game, two espionage thrillers; the first one of the paranoid variety, hearkening back to co-star Gene Hackman's 70s classic The Conversation, and the second a more standard-fare mentor-mentee rescue mission. Both were sharply written with strong casts and twists aplenty. (In fact, I think Spy Game is one of the more underrated movies of the last decade - hint hint, Daniel; it shouldn't win any awards, but it's thoroughly engaging and smart, along the lines of Ronin, which was not coincidentally released the same year as Enemy.) However, good as each was, they each demonstrated a little bit too much affection for, well, I wouldn't even call it action, but for "actioning up" non-action scenes, taking simple tasks such as driving a car or flying a helicopter and "jazzing" them up with camera tricks, special effects and overly loud sound effects.

Fast-forward through Man on Fire, Deja Vu, and Domino to this summer's Pelham and we find that Scott is literally drunk and/or in love with these hacky tricks. He takes what it is an interesting, simple premise (the subway hijacker/subway dispatcher relationship) and tarts it up with so much crap that you can't help but hate him for it. There are plenty of these sequences to dislike, from the oddly edited opening credits montage to the 1080 degree (or more) spin-arounds (I'd be shocked if the camera or editing sat still for more than 3 consecutive seconds), but the biggest culprit is easily a delivery of ransom money from a Federal Reserve bank to the subway station. Scott intercuts this race to get the money there a number of times, and each time, you'd swear that an epileptic was holding the camera with a nearly-deaf guy next to him doing the sound. If you'd like to re-create these scenes yourself, it'd be quite simple: get in your car, tune in to a rock/rap fusion station and crank it as loud as it goes, slam the gas and then shake yourself around violently in your driver's seat until you got into an accident. Mission accomplished.

If Scott were a novice and/or unsuccessful filmmaker, I'd be blaming the studio for wanting to spice up what might have felt "too adult" for a summer popcorn movie; but I can't do that - this is a 40+ year filmmaking veteran who has a number of box office hits under his belt. The blame is all his. And the aggravation all mine.

But not yours, since Pelham has inspired me to do yet another installment of Fletch's Stick Figure Synopsis© (contains a big, kind of obvious SPOILER). Enjoy.











Fletch's Film Rating:

"Whatever."


Random Leftover Thoughts:

* It's really not said enough, but John Travolta is really...not a good actor. In Pelham, he's tremendously appealing and likable - he's a fun villain - but the guy is just not believable at being menacing or dangerous. As inferred in the Stick Figures above, I got a sad kick out of the fact that he punctuated just about every one of his lines with "blah blah blah motherf*cker!!" (angrily), as if that made him seem more dangerous or unhinged to the audience. I just kinda thought it made him pathetic.

* Along the same lines...if you know me at all, you know I'm no prude, especially when it comes to language, but the incessant use of the word "f*ck" and its variants was just too much. This is not an "I'm offended by such coarse language!" complaint, it's an "I'm offended by such lazy screenwriting" complaint. Want an example of a movie with excessive F words that worked perfectly? It's called The Big Lebowski.

* The Turturro wave from the helicopter was hilariously awful. On so many levels. The teenager "relationship" is pretty lame, too.

* A small part of me thinks that I will ironically enjoy this tremendously when it hits cable and I watch it 35 times on HBO. That's not a definite, but I'm just warning you (Mrs. Fletch).

And then...

Familiar Face - Unknown Name #14 - John Carroll Lynch

Call them what you want - character actors, "That Guy(s)," scene stealers - I don't care. This is a regular feature where I spotlight one performer, whether they be longtime veterans like J.K. Simmons or Barry Corbin, or a fresher face just making their way up the stardom ranks. For previous FF-UNs, click here.

Today's Familiar Face-Unknown Name:

John Carroll Lynch

Where You've Seen Him (high profile): Lynch got his first professional credit at age 30 in 1993, but it wasn't until Fargo in 1996 that he gained real attention. Playing Marge Gunderson's postage-stamp designing husband probably wasn't the kind of role that one would think would propel anyone to any kind of notoriety, but the film was an unexpected cult and mainstream hit, earning $25 million stateside and picking up seven Academy Award nominations. Since then, he's been in such feature films as Gran Torino, Volcano, Face/Off, Zodiac, and of course, The Drew Carey Show, where he played Drew's cross-dressing brother.

Where You've Seen Him (not-so-high profile): Recently, he's been bouncing back and forth between TV and film and, outside of Gran Torino, none of the projects have really caught on with the public. There was the unseen Benecio del Toro film Things We Lost in the Fire, the underseen HBO series Carnivale, the Fox series K-Ville and the Albert Brooks bomb Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World. He also had decent-sized roles in Gothika, Confidence, and Bubble Boy.

Character Specialties: Lynch has been a slippery one to lock down into a type, as the best character actors seem to be. He can do menacing, gullible, downright dumb, sensitive; if I had to pin him down to one phrase, it would probably be "generic white male." That's not meant as an insult, but to insinuate that when you need someone that fits the middle of the road, a guy that disappears in the crowd, with potential for a wide array of emotions, he's your man.

My favorite role: It might be tempting to say his Polish barber from Torino, but all these years later, I have to go with Norm Gunderson. He gave so much with so little screen time, and even his dopey "Ok, Margie" lines can induce a chuckle.

Little Known Facts: A couple of not-really coincidences with me, but that's about it. First of all, my sister's last name is now Carroll, so that probably helps me remember his name. Also, Lynch was born in Boulder, Colorado, where I lived form age 8 to 13. Though, in doing research on that, I also learned that Jessica Biel lived in Boulder at the same time as me, but the 12-year old version of me probably wouldn't have been too interested in the 7-year old version of her anyway.

Also, he had his garden featured in August 2008 Sunset Magazine, so he's got that working for him, which is nice.

On Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Carroll_Lynch
On IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0002253/

And then...

Stuck in a rut (TV rant)

Ready for a quiz? I'm going to give you the plot summary of a TV show, and I want you to tell me which show it is. You up for it?

Ok, here we go.

It centers on our protagonist, see. And our protagonist has this profession that requires them to do "X." And when they're doing their job, they're like, the best in the world at it. But the twist, the brilliant "Aha!" is that, in their personal life, our protagonist really sucks at applying the tools that they have when doing "X," creating opportunities for all kinds of drama and personal growth and stuff.

What'd you guess?

If you said In Treatment, the show with Gabriel Bynre where he plays a shrink that helps other people but has a messed up head of his own, you're right! Congratulations.

If you said the new Edie Falco show Nurse Jackie, where she plays (duh) a nurse that happens to pop pills in her spare time, you're also right! A cookie for you.

If you said The Sopranos, where James Gandolfini played a mob boss that wasn't even the boss of his own family, you're right! Pat on the back.

If you said Dexter, where the guy from Six Feet Under plays a detective that happens to be a serial killer on the side, you're right! Ugh...

Noticing a trend here, perhaps? I'll be honest, I've not seen more than 10 minutes of any of these shows outside of The Sopranos, but it doesn't seem like I need to. And I'm guessing there are probably, oh, 428 other shows on TV that follow this same formula (sounds like The Mentalist is another, for instance). What gives? I mean, Hollywood filmmakers are constantly berated for going the sequel/remake/adaptation route ten too many times, but at least the plots aren't all identical.

Since I can't think of anything better offhand, I'm just gonna give in and offer my ideas for some TV pilots. Feel free to make me a showrunner at any time:

* Bob Barnaby is the world's best janitor. But - get this - he's a pathological litterbug, and that gets him into all kinds of tomfoolery and trouble with other janitors, who may or may not know his identity. Oh the drama!

* Joan Gershwin works for a PETA-like organization and is beloved in the community. She's helped organize spay/neuter clinics all over the world and has been there to help out whenever a catastrophe occurs and animals need help. But when she goes home at night, she molests her puppies and mocks her turtles! Oh noes! Will her neighbors learn of her behavior and "rat" her out? Will her talking parrot sing like a canary? Egads!

* Ted Anderson is a world-class swimmer,a former Olympian who now trains the world's best up-and-coming 50- and 100-meter specialists. But when the tarp is on the pool and Anderson washes up after a long day, he nearly drowns every time he showers! Gadzooks!

C'mon, TV. Enough with the formula.

And then...

Tuesday's Twelve Tags #25

Last week's winner: Nick and BD79, who tied with 6 points each.
The theme: Each film was the number one film at the box office in the year it was released. (BD79)

Here's the new dozen. The rules are simple: I'm going to give you a dozen taglines, all you have to do is name as many flicks that they belong to as you can. Try to resist the Google. Get the most and you win. There will always be a theme, though it's worth will vary according to how difficult I think it is. This week, the theme is worth 4 points.

1. Can you really trust anyone?
2. A repo man is always intense... but only a fool gets killed for a car.
3. A story of sex, thugs and rock 'n roll.
4. It's a guessing game of mirth and mystery!
5. Your ally could become your enemy
6. 365 days in the making - and every minute of it an exciting NEW thrill for you!
7. Trust him.
8. Makes Ben Hur look like an Epic [Yeah, this one was just used recently. I know.]
9. "I don't care what you do to me, Mike - just do it fast!"
10. Their war. Our world.
11. As big and timely a picture as ever you've seen! You can tell by the cast it's important! gripping! big!
12. Girls like me don't make invitations like this to just anyone!

As you get them right, I'll mark them as gotten and stuff. Good luck.

Standings
Justin - 6
Nick - 5.5
Jess - 4
J.D. - 2.5
Shane - 2
Sea_of_Green, Jason, Kyle - 1
Dead Pan, BD79 - .5

Correct answers so far:
1. The Spanish Prisoner (Justin)
2. Repo Man (Nick)
3. Rock'n'Rolla (BD79)
4. Charade (Alex)
5. Ronin (Justin)
6. Citizen Kane (Alex)
7. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (Justin)
8. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Nick)
9. Kiss Me Deadly (Justin)
10. Transformers (Kano)
11. Casablance (Alex)
12. Pulp Fiction (Justin)
Theme - Each film contains a MacGufin (Nick/Justin)

And then...

Filling society's need to quantify things...

Is there a song that fit/improved/altered/changed a film for the better any more than this one?

It's such a damn perfect song, and carries with it such mood, that it's 100% inseperable from the film for me, and I love the distance between the settings and tone of the film contrasted to the feeling the song carries.

Hans Zimmer's "You're So Cool," from True Romance:

And then...

A simple, polite demand

[Editor's note: Hey, did you come here via a certain somebody's Twitter and/or Facebook link? If so, please go here after reading what's below. Muchas gracias.]

Dear Judd Apatow, Todd Phillips, and/or Adam McKay,

Hey guys. As you probably know by now, you're all doing the Lord's work. Making America laugh their asses off one movie at a time is a win-win proposition for both you and the audience, and you three seem to have the market cornered these days. Sure, you've all had some misses amongst your hits, and I know there are plenty of haters out there, but by and large, you're all well-liked and tremendously successful.

Along the way, you've helped make the careers of several of today's comedic actors, from Will Ferrell to Seth Rogen to Michael Cera to Vince Vaughn and Jason Segel. But now, I have a small request demand of you. See, all of those actors have gotten their shot at stardom. Sure, some were well-known prior to starring in your films, but many others worked their way up from bit parts to featured roles. All I ask now is that you continue what you've already done - showcase some of the little guys. I'm talking specifically about Ken Jeong, Matt Walsh and Joe LoTruglio.

See, these guys are the blue-collar stars of your films (and even some films that none of you were involved with even though they seem like they were, like I Love You, Man and Role Models). They're the unsung heroes, the guys that come in for sometimes as little as a minute or two and deliver big laughs, only to be never heard from again...until the next picture one of you make comes along. After all, Jeong just owned his (decent-sized) role in The Hangover, in which Walsh also had what might be his funniest bit part. And I realize that Lo Truglio is connected more to those State/Stella guys (they were responsible for Role Models, too), but Judd's shown him some love along the way, too.

To wit, I submit their respective resumes:

Ken Jeong
Judd Apatow: Knocked Up, Pineapple Express (Apatow produced), Funny People
Adam McKay: Step Brothers, The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (McKay produced)
Todd Phillips: The Hangover
Unrelated, but seems like it is via multiple connections: Role Models

Matt Walsh
Judd Apatow: Superbad (Apatow produced), Pineapple Express (Apatow produced), Drillbit Taylor (Apatow produced)
Adam McKay: Step Brothers
Todd Phillips: Road Trip, Old School, Starsky & Hutch, School for Scoundrels, The Hangover
Unrelated, but seems like it is via multiple connections: Role Models, I Love You, Man, Semi-Pro

Joe LoTruglio
Judd Apatow: Superbad (Apatow produced), Pineapple Express (Apatow produced)
Adam McKay:
Todd Phillips:
Unrelated, but seems like it is via multiple connections: Role Models, I Love You, Man

Now, preferably, one of you can direct or produce a film starring the three of them together as leads. Aside from taking the studio pressure off you (since they're bound to give you that "none of these guys are stars!" crap), I think they'd have great chemistry together and play off of each other very well. Heck, all three of them were in Role Models together, and that seemed to work out pretty well, with Jeong threatening to steal the film out from Paul Rudd's and Seann William Scott's feet at any minute. Just imagine what they could all do with a halfway-decent script and at least 20 minutes of screen time each. The best part may be this: worst-case scenario is that it flops, in which you can say "Well, what'd you expect? There were no stars!"; best-case scenario is it's a modest or even good-sized hit, and you get to come out smelling like roses, playing the hero to not only these three guys, but to geeks like me that care about their respective success.

So Judd, Todd and/or Adam - what do you say? I'm not asking much, am I? Hey, if you want to mitigate your risk even further, how about one of you directs while the other two produce? Or maybe the three of you produce while one of your up-and-coming apprentices (lackeys) directs?

Anyway, I hope you take this under serious consideration, and I look forward to whatever you guys come up with for these three great comedic character actors. Thanks for listening.

Fletch

And then...

Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#44)

I'm gonna guess that this is about the same difficulty level as last week's...maybe even a little easier.




















Standings:
J.D. - 10
Fletch - 7
Wendymoon - 5
Jason/Daniel, Nick - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto, David Bishop - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Rachel, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, Dave - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

And then...

TGITDNMAR (6/12/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

I doubt it's a trend or anything, but the summer film release schedule seems to have developed a new wrinkle. 20 years ago, Memorial Day was the unofficial begin to summer movie season. Tentpoles and blockbusters would sprout every week through the first week or so or August, when it all turned to crap. Over the years, the start to summer creeped earlier and earlier, from mid-May to late-April to the point where sometimes if feels like it starts in late-March.

This year, there was the usual early flurry, but there definitely seems to be a lull in blockbuster land, from last week's so-so Land of the Lost and unexpected-six-months-ago hit (yet still modest, box office-wise) The Hangover through this week and the next. Pelham? Year One? The Proposal? Does anyone care about these movies - I mean, like, really care about them?

Short story long - it feels like August in June. The 26th brings Transformers 2, and July 3rd brings both Public Enemies and Ice Age 3. Basically, though, what I think this all boils down to is that I'm sick of waiting for Harry Potter. From November to July 15th? You sonsabitches.

The Taking of Pehlam 1 2 3
I like Denzel and Tony Scott just fine separately, but something about the projects that they collaborate on just does nothing for me. Yeah, I've heard that Man on Fire is pretty good, but I have a natural aversion to Dakota Fanning.

Pelham does not look to alter this conception of mine. It appears to be a humorless, explosion-filled, wannabe-suspense film. Knowing Scott, it's probably solidly made, if a tad Bay-ey, and I'm sure Denzel turns in a fine performance and I'm hoping - hoping! - that Travolta turns in a HOF-level terribly overacted one as the villain. Really, it's the only thing I can think of that would change my anticipation here from a "meh minus" to "hells yeah!"
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 11%

Moon
I haven't even watched the trailer for Moon, but each of the posters are pretty cool looking, and I find that that's always a good reason to see a movie.

Seriously, though - something like this is right up my alley (moderately sci-fi, drama, close attention paid to aesthetics, Spacey and Rockwell). Of course, I'd have said the same thing about Solaris however many years ago, and I still haven't seen that. Then again, it's supposed to be a 12-hour snooze/crying fest, so maybe that reputation has a little something to do with my avoidance of it.

Anyway, Moon sounds less boring. Quite an endorsement, eh???
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 63%

Imagine That
If you asked me about my interest in a movie, and the only thing you told me was that it featured Thomas Haden Church, the hilariously vulgar kid from Role Models, and Total Recall villain Ronny Cox, you'd likely get a positive response from me.

But, of course, once you told me that it was starring the 2009 model of Eddie Murphy, I'd give you a sad face and tell you to go away. The last Murphy film that I can even say that I "liked" was 1999 - Bowfinger and Life - but frankly, I can't remember much about either. I liked them so much that I've seen neither more than once. The last Murphy film that I "loved" was 21 (!!) years ago (Coming to America). To say that I'm cold on Eddie's career is an understatement.

And get the hell out of here with that title. Will there be a double-feature with Analyze That later?
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%

And then...

Still enjoying my post-LAMMYs slumber

I'll be back tomorrow with some TGITDNMAR. I might even get inspired and post something later today, but I wouldn't bet on it.

In the meantime, here's my limerick review and rating of Up:

A man and boy in a house on a mission
To South America is what they be wishin'
With a brilliant first act
And in the third many laughs packed
Once again Pixar destroys the competition

Fletch's Film Rating:

"It's in the hole!"

And then...

Tuesday's Twelve Tags #24

Last week's winner: Jess, who was the only one to get any correct tags + the theme = 13 points.
The theme: Each film is its director's first feature. (Jess)

Here's the new dozen. The rules are simple: I'm going to give you a dozen taglines, all you have to do is name as many flicks that they belong to as you can. Try to resist the Google. Get the most and you win. There will always be a theme, though it's worth will vary according to how difficult I think it is. This weel, I'm in a bit of a rush, so the tags and the theme are pieces of cake. The theme is worth 3 points.

1. It is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts.
2. They changed her diapers. She changed their lives.
3. The Heat Is On!
4. A Family Comedy Without The Family.
5. The adventure takes off!
6. Let The Magic Begin.
7. Inside a snowflake, like the one on your sleeve, there happened a story you must see to believe.
8. We've always believed we weren't alone. Pretty soon, we'll wish we were.
9. There are three sides to this love story!
10. Love means never having to say you're sorry
11. This Christmas the journey ends.
12. One Tiny Spark Becomes A Night Of Blazing Suspense.

As you get them right, I'll mark them as gotten and stuff. Good luck.

Standings
Justin - 6
Nick - 5
Jess - 4
J.D. - 2.5
Shane - 2
Sea_of_Green, Jason, Kyle - 1
Dead Pan - .5

Correct answers so far:
1. Aladdin (David Bishop)
2. Three Men and a Baby (Nick)
3. Beverly Hills Cop (BD79)
4. Home Alone (BD79)
5. Toy Story (BD79)
6. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Nick)
7. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (Nick)
8. Independence Day (Nick)
9.
10. Love Story (J.D.)
11. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Nick)
12. The Towering Inferno (David Bishop)
Theme -

And then...

Recycling Rocks: Movies I'm Really Not Looking Forward To - Full House: The Movie

[Editor's note: I really wasn't planning on running a Recycling Rocks feature today. But then this item from the NY Daily News came across my radar and, well, I just can't pass up the chance to remind you all about MY suggestions for the Full House movie. This piece originally ran on September 7, 2007, just more proof that I'm nearly two years ahead of the rest of the world.

For the record, I like his suggestion for Uncle Joey, as there's no rule that says that they all gotta be a bunch of white guys. But his pick for Uncle Jesse? Well, let's just say that Jesse was never that cool. Dream on, Stamos.]


Consider this the first in what could be a never-ending series. I imagine that the trend will be to spotlight other TV shows that will inevitably be made into crappy movies (Just the Ten of Us, anyone?), but for now, let's just settle in on this one.

In the spirit of movies no one ever wanted to see like The Beverly Hillbillies, Leave it to Beaver, and George of the Jungle, I can't help but think of the inevitability that the studio execs of tomorrow, no doubt at a loss for original material, will be more than happy to dig into the dregs of 80s and 90s television for ideas. First on the list? Full House. One of the pioneers of ABC's "TGIF" block of family-oriented programming (along with Perfect Strangers, Just the Ten of Us, and Mr. Belvedere), House will probably end up being best known as the vehicle that launched the "careers" of Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, but it was actually a pretty big success on its own, on the air from 1987-1995, furthering the career of John Stamos and giving Bob Saget a segue into his later hosting and stand-up careers. Dave Coulier, meanwhile, just ended up being the guy getting blasted by Alanis Morrissette in her 1995 hit "You Oughta Know." Oh well, they can't all be winners.

So...if you were a casting agent and were asked to put together the ensemble for a Full House flick to be released in the near future, who would you pick?

Keep in mind the relative profile of the project. Brad Pitt as Uncle Jesse? Jessica Alba as Aunt Becky? Not a chance in hell. Also, while physical resemblances to the original characters may be nice, they are by no means a necessity or a prerequisite.

Okay, enough foreplay. I present to you the cast of Full House: The Movie.

Danny Tanner
Danny is a loving, caring, father of three daughters. He also hosts a morning talk show ("Wake Up, San Francisco") with Rebecca Donaldson (aka the future Aunt Becky). He's also boring, vanilla, lame and somewhat annoying. But he's nice.
The Realistic Pick: David Schwimmer
The Alternate: Luke Wilson
The Dream: Steve Carell



Uncle Joey
Not really an "Uncle," Mr. Gladstone is Danny's best friend from way back, a wannabe stand-up comedian and big-time hockey fan. He later goes on to form some sort of jingle producing company with Uncle Jesse, which leads to much wacky zaniness and jingles. Joey's sorta pudgy, really friendly, does a mean badger (squirrel? moose?) impression and lives in the basement. Not coincidentally, he doesn't date much.
Realistic Pick: Rainn Wilson
Alternate: Dane Cook
2nd Alternate: John Krasinski



Uncle Jesse
Danny's wife was killed by a drunken driver prior to the shows airing. It's the setup for the show, the reason why three doofi are raising three little girls. Danny's wife's little brother is Jesse Katssdfksdjfsdpolis, a Greek, Elvis-loving, mullet-wearing rock 'n' roller who likes to crack wise and is generally seen as the "cool one" in the house (somehow...despite the mullet. Oh well, I guess that will just have to be changed for the film).
Realistic Pick: Adrien Grenier
Alternate: Freddie Prinze, Jr.
2nd Alternate: Matt LeBlanc


Aunt Becky
Pretty much the lone adult female on the show, Aunt Becky has her hands full. De-facto Aunt to Danny's kids, she's also his co-host. Then she dates and later marries Jesse, and they have twins. It's a wonder she didn't go on a murder spree - living with three adult men and 5 children in the same house (not to mention a dog)? Ugh.
Realistic Pick: Tiffani Amber-Theissen
Dream: Jessica Biel


DJ
Looking big picture, I don't think the casting of the kids is nearly as important as the adults. Throw a few adorable moppets into the roles that can act halfway decent and you'll be just fine. Hey, it worked for The Brady Bunch Movie - they had six unknowns and relied on the brilliance of Gary Cole (and the fine job by a normally-hated-by-Fletch Shelley Long) to carry the flick. Anyway, it's hard to replace Candace Cameron, but we'll have to try. DJ started out as a somewhat pudgy annoyance to her younger sister, Stephanie, but turned into a responsible young adult who helped raise her younger sisters and cousins. Good for her.
Realistic Pick: Miley Cyrus
Alternate/Dream: Dakota Fanning


Stephanie
Full of annoying catchphrases (that, thankfully, I can't recall right now), adorable little Stephanie Tanner couldn't help but get into trouble. She also fought constantly with her big sis, with whom she had to share a room.
Realistic Pick: Elle Fanning
Alternate/Wild Card: Bindi Irwin


Michelle
As my (make believe) movie would be set somewhere around the second or third year of the show's existence, little Michelle would still pretty much be a toddler. As such, I have no recommendation other than to find a pair of twins (naturally) that somewhat resemble the Olsens. As long as they're remotely cute (and most 3-year olds are, right?), it won't matter.

Kimmy Gibler
Thought I'd forgotten about her, didn't you? How could I forget the character that created the mold later filled by Jenna Von Oy as "Six" on Blossom. In other words, the annoying teen aged neighbor/friend. Maybe she didn't create it - either way, she turned it into an art form. Unfortunately, I've pretty much run the gamut of my child actor knowledge with the picks for DJ and Stephanie, so I have no idea who to cast here. If you have some ideas, be sure to leave a comment. Yeah, I'm disappointed, too.


Finally, a bonus for you. While "researching" this post, I was lucky enough to have been pitched a narrative for the movie by an internets friend of mine. Consider yourself blessed to hear it as well - its' that good (maybe). I've added to a bit as well. I can't wait for the movie!!

"Comet (the dog) runs away and somehow ends up on TV in New York. The Tanner clan heads across America to get him. Along the way, they bond as a family and grow as people. As it turns out, Comet was picked up by some young actress (who has a weakness for hockey-loving bad stand-ups) hitchhiking across America. Comet probably ran off in the first place after Stephanie got mad and yelled at him. Losing him will teach her a valuable lesson. While in New York, they run into Quincy Jones and Al Roker, who are playing badminton at the park where the clan finally finds Comet. Through a series of clever wise cracks by Michelle, Stephanie, and to a lesser extent, DJ, along with some smooth talking by Danny and Jesse, Quincy hooks up Jesse and the Rippers (his band) with that big audition the band has been waiting for. This could be their big break! Meanwhile, Al likes Danny's style and gets him and Becky an audition with Good Morning, America! In the end, they'll realize that their true home is in San Francisco, and when they arrive back at the house, Jesse will have already quit the Rippers to be a stay at home dad for his soon-to-arrive twins. As a bonus, in a move that makes everyone happy, while in NY, Kimmy runs into a big shot lawyer (named Mr. Bacon), falls in love, and stays out east (he helps her with her emancipation paperwork to boot). Everyone wins."

The End

By the way, thanks to all who contributed to this post by offering up their suggestions for the various characters. It was fun. Also, if you have any suggestions for future TV shows for this segment, be sure to email or comment. Some that are running around in my head are: Perfect Strangers, Golden Girls, and Night Court)

And then...

Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#43)

Well, it took Halle Berry to bring J.D. down - for one week at least. A stumping for me means I'm taking it just a bit easier on you this week - at least, I think I am. We'll see.




















Standings:
J.D. - 10
Fletch - 7
Wendymoon - 5
Jason/Daniel, Nick - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Rachel, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, David Bishop, Dave - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: The Hangover

When it comes to movies, I worry about expectations a lot. The ones set for me by others, the ones I might set for others via this site or word of mouth - all of 'em. I'm keenly aware of how important they are in shaping one's opinion of the media they are about to consume. This is why trailers and marketing can be forces of evil and work against that which they are trying to promote, setting up viewers for disappointment. After all, how many times have you come out of a movie and thought that all of the best parts were included in the trailer, or watched a trailer and thought "Jeez, show the whole film, why don't you?"

Expectations were on my mind immediately after exiting The Hangover. How was I to talk about it without setting up the reader for an experience that might not match my own?

In this case I am unafraid; it might not be possible to oversell The Hangover. I spoke just recently about the "instant history" phenomenon - our society's penchant for naming whatever the newest thing is as "the best," and I will stop myself short of falling prey to that which irks me. But I can say this: I haven't laughed as much at a film since Team America: World Police, and it's quite possible that I had a better time watching Todd Phillips latest film (it's been five years since Team America came out, so I really can't say for certain).

In case you're somehow unaware of the premise, here it be: four friends (Ed Helms, Bradley Cooper, Justin Bartha, and Zach Galifianakis) head to Las Vegas to stage a bachelor party for Bartha's character, who is set to be married in a matter of days. What follows is the sort of Vegas experience that, yes, might only happen in the movies. But it's done in such a way that the viewer is able to buy much of what they're seeing. Perhaps the best part, though, is that the setup is ingenious enough to allow you to discover just what happened on this wild night at the same time as the four protagonists. You're just as clueless as they are, if not more so.

To say much more about the plot or to wax poetic about the depth of character or the arc of Phillips' growth as a filmmaker seems pointless. This is indeed a "dumb comedy" along the lines of his previous work - to attempt to suss out any greater meaning is to miss the mark entirely. But at the same time, to merely dismiss it as a "dumb comedy" like Step Brothers or Pineapple Express is also to severely underestimate it; this is a very well-written and well-thought out comedy (with real characters!) that strings you along like a stripper chasing after one of Al Bundy's dollars, only to pull that buck out from under you and leave you flat on your face. The thing is, you'll love every minute of it and come back for more.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"You're the best...around!"

And then...

TGITDNMAR (6/5/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Are you a sports fan? No? Well tough, this is my blog and I'm gonna use this space to make a little rant right here.

Over the past few weeks and months, I've toyed with the idea of setting up a blog called Instant History. See, during that time, there have been a few events (the Bulls-Celtics series, LeBron James' Game 2 ending 3-pointer) that have made many in the media go batsh*t crazy, calling whatever just happened "the best ____ to ever happen!"

February's Super Bowl between the Cardinals and the Steelers? You guessed it - possibly the best ever! George W. Bush? "The worst President ever!" Some random performance by a golfer shooting 60 - best ever!

Now I'm no historian, and as you might tell by my movie tastes, I'm certainly not one of those people that claims that everything that happened in the past is better just because it happened in the past. Fact is, these things were made for arguing - no one can ever be right because I'm afraid we can't actually have a 30-year old Michael Jordan and today's Kobe Bryant go out on the court and play one-on-one. Just like no one can honestly say if one series of seven NBA playoff games played in 2009 is better than some series played in 1982, or whatever. So why the endless hyperbole and focus on whatever the flavor of the month is? Up may be great, but I better not hear anyone calling it the "best animated movie ever" (or even in Pixar's oeuvre), without at least a few years in which to give perspective. Just call it really good and get it over with.

The latest chapter in this annoying saga is different, but still the same. The San Francisco Giants Randy Johnson just won his 300th game yesterday, becoming just the 24th pitcher in major league history to do so. Truly an impressive feat, and something that's happened only a handful of times over the last few decades. Helping those dwindling numbers is the style of baseball played over that time, in which we've seen starting pitchers throw for fewer overall starts and fewer innings per start. Not many current active players are projected to even come close to 300 wins, much less reach it.

So what does this mean? Obviously, according to several sources, that WE WILL NEVER SEE ANOTHER 300 GAME WINNER!

Really?? Never? Are you sure you want to use that word? Be my guest and say something along the lines of "it's likely that we won't see another player reach 300 wins in our lifetime." That's perfectly plausible, if not likely. But never's a mighty long time, and the arrogance it takes to claim that something will never be seen again, just because the current landscape doesn't project it, appalls me. Who's to say that baseball doesn't at some point revert back to a 4-man rotation, thus giving pitchers 5-8 more starts per year? Who's to say that average pitch counts don't rise up yet again when someone realizes that "100 pitches" means nothing in terms of long-term pitcher health when compared to, say, 125 pitches? Who's to say that MLB doesn't (god forbid) lengthen the season to 184 games in 2085? And, most likely (and the thing I'd really like to see), who's to say that some phenom (perhaps the one getting a ton of buzz for the 2009 draft) doesn't barnstorm through MLB hitters like Tiger Woods did the PGA and win 20 games a year for his first 7 years?

No one knows the future. Truth is, we MIGHT NEVER SEE ANOTHER 250 GAME WINNER! But I sure as hell don't want to make that claim with the only assurance I have being that no one will remember what I wrote and when I wrote it. Why are so many others so quick to?

And hey - no stealing my Instant History blog idea - that thing's gold.

END rant. On to the movies!

Land of the Lost
Ahh...memories. It seems like forever ago that I wrote this short post about Land of the Lost. In fact, it was one of the first posts here at Blog Cabins. That post wasn't even about the movie (though there was a mention of it), as it was only in pre-production at the time. Now, here we are some two and a half years later and the film is upon us.

Frankly, my optimism has tempered. I recall reading early on that they were "gonna take it seriously" and not camp it up. Judging by the trailer, which shows an adult Chaka squeezing the boobs of co-star Anna Friel, I don't think I believe them. It might still be funny, but it seems clear to me that Ferrell and Co. are laughing at their source material as much as they're laughing with it.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 38%

Away We Go
First things first - yes, John Krasssinjgqenski looks awful with that beard. Like they're trying to make him look homelier and poorer than his character is already supposed to be. The giants "50s teacher" glasses aren't helping him, either.

But I digress - along with (500) Days of Summer, this is my "most looking forward to" indie of the, um, summer. Funny, touching, twisted, and Maggie Gyllenhaal will likely cement herself as one of my favorite comedic actresses...if only she did more comedies. You can take your Anna Faris - I'll take Maggie; that stroller line is hilarious.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 96%

The Hangover
What's the deal with beards this week? In addition to Krasinski, the harder-last-name-to-spell Zack Gallaphoneaxis sports quite the bushy monstrosity in The Hangover. Does this mean that Katie Holmes will be making a cameo in Land of the Lost or something?

Thank you, thank you - I'll be here all week. Sorry, that joke just never gets old no matter how bad it is.

Anyway, however poignant and sadly funny that Away We Go might end up being, The Hangover is hands down this week's pick. Zack Galifianakis, Ed Helms and Bradley (don't call me Brad) Cooper look pretty funny each in their own right (especially Zack), but the circumstances these poor guys are dropped into look to take it over the top. As a BIG bonus, Ken Jeong (Knocked Up, Role Models) is on hand as well, and I'm pretty sure he's incapable of not being funny.

The only danger? There was another out-there, no rules, Vegas-based, buddy black comedy some years back and it stunk. Don't even try to be that person that tells me that Very Bad Things was good.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 100%

My Life in Ruins
I tell you what - I'll go ahead and see this seven years after I see My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Deal?

P.S. - please say a prayer for Richard Dreyfus. Somehow he's in this. I'm guessing he lost a big poker hand to the studio chief in charge of production or he's trying to get (a comparatively hot) Nia Vardalos into the sack. Either way, just sad, and I don't even like Dreyfus.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%

And then...