Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#42)

Alright, drastic times call for desperate measures. J.D. has won four straight weeks, folks. I'm not sure if this means that: a) he's just better than the rest of you, b) he's just faster than the rest of you, or c) the posters are just too easy, but I'm ramping up the difficulty for the foreseeable future.

Impress me, J.D.




















Standings:
J.D. - 10
Fletch - 6
Wendymoon - 5
Jason/Daniel, Nick - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Rachel, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, David Bishop, Dave - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

And then...

Imagining some more sequels that will never happen...

(For past installments of this feature, click here.)

The setup: It's a favorite pastime of mine to come up with sequel names for movies that will either never be made due to performance, critical response, or just because of their subject matter. Apply a healthy dose of massively awesome MS Paint Skillz™ and voila! Anyway, here's the latest batch:

Finally, truth in advertising...

















Could also be the sequel to I Love You, Man.
















There's no limit to Nic Cage's knowledge.
















If the movie had been a bigger box office hit, this would strike me as being the most realistic. In typical horror fashion, they'd probably keep the structure ad infinitum.












Complete with Gwen Stefani cameo!
















This one's really dumb, but I like it anyway.
















I imagine Zac Efron getting pigeon-holed and playing 17 when he's 35. Could be interesting...














This would make sister Neneh so jealous. Sidenote: what the hell, man? On every poster where I had to fake in letters from scratch, there was an "R" (here, Knowing MoRe, Public FRenemies). Making Rs from scratch sucks.

And then...

Fletch's Mini Film Review: Lymelife

Lymelife, or as it might be called, The Squid and the Ice Storm, is a tale of two families and the ups and downs they face in early 1980s Long Island. It centers on Scott Bartlett (Rory Culkin), a 15-year old with an older brother (Culkin's real-life older brother Kieran) returning home on a hiatus from the Marines, and his bickering, unhappy parents (Jill Hennessy and Alec Baldwin). Baldwin's Mickey is having an affair with Melissa Bragg (Cynthia Nixon), a business associate whose husband Charlie (Timothy Dalton) has Lyme disease and whose daughter Adrianna (Emma Roberts) has been friends/flirting partners with Scott for the duration of their respective childhoods. Still with me?

The film plays out as all of these converging forces come to a head, from Charlie's worsening medical condition to Scott's coming-of-age to the revealing of the affair to the ensuing battle between Scott's parents. Lymelife stands fine on its own, featuring good turns all-around from a well-rounded cast, but to deny the similarities to it and The Ice Storm and The Squid and the Whale would like saying that Benjamin Button bears no resemblance to Forrest Gump. Still, I enjoyed the noticeable lack of Wes Anderson-style trappings (there are times when you can almost hear Nico singing or see a slo-motion shot of people walking nowhere in particular), and casting a pair of Culkins as brothers added a depth and realism that might not have been there otherwise.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"Darn tootin!"

And then...

LAMBlog-a-thon: Digital Cinema

So for this month's LAMBlog-a-thon, Joseph wants our takes on Digital Cinema. As he puts it, "Do you hate it? Do you love it? What does it mean for distribution? How is it superior/inferior to film based productions?"

Well, what if I'm largely uninterested?

I guess that's not totally true. Of course I have an opinion, and of course, since I'm a Libra, I see both sides of the argument and can't make up my mind which I prefer. On the one hand, I tend to be old skool when it comes to these things - I hate the designated hitter and am opposed to the NFL stretching their season out to 17 or 18 games, after all. Tangible or no, there's something magical about film. However, anyone would be hard-pressed to argue that digital cinema is not progress, and it seems dumb to attempt to stop the inevitable only because we've fallen in love with imperfections. Sure, there are plenty of people that are keeping vinyl alive, but it's not as though radio stations are using phonographs these days, and it would be expensive, inefficient and downright nonsensical if they were to start to.

So I guess it's a question of practicality vs. nostalgia/aesthetics when you get right down to it. There aren't any logical reasons to continue to use film - it costs more, is harder to distribute, and though it may be the look we prefer, it certainly doesn't look better. Personally, I don't really care, because I don't have to (or I just don't feel like I have to). I live in a large enough market that I don't often feel like I'm shorted on films due to distribution issues. I don't see how the change would wildly affect me financially - I mean, even if producers can save money making films, it ain't like the cost savings are going to be passed down to me. If anything, the cost might go up, as theaters require newer (and I'd assume more expensive) equipment. But I'd also imagine that, spread out over a long enough timeline, those costs would be immaterial.

So I have to think of others. And the potential benefits of those that might see limited release films that they aren't seeing now is a big one. And, nostalgic or not, I'm not a Luddite; technological progress is a good thing, even if it means no "cigarette burns" or that George Lucas wins. And besides - it's not as though film will ever completely go away; just as with LPs, there will be purists who keep the medium around forever. So I guess my mind is made up: Go digital. Kill film. But remember the past and don't let it die a complete death.

And then...

The Truth About Marky

It never fails. For the past few years, every time I've sat down to watch a film featuring Mark Wahlberg, I end up thinking the same thing. To be more specific, I keep referring back to the same thing: this article for Esquire by Mike D'Angelo. It's one of those pieces that is so pitch-perfect that I not only wish that I had written it, but halfway believe that I did, as I'll bring it up whenever the actor is mentioned in conversation. In the article, titled "Why Can't Marky Wahlberg Carry a Movie?," D'Angelo wonders how an actor that can carry himself so well in a supporting role (it was written hot off the heels of The Departed and just in time for Shooter) can be such a bland leading man.

It's a theme that played itself out yet again this weekend, where I watched pieces of three of Wahlberg's films. First up was The Basketball Diaries, in which Wahlberg plays Mickey, a New York-set version of his younger self, more or less. He's a high school punk, palling around with Leonardo DiCaprio as they grow up tough and dumb. It's a supporting role, and though he's fine in it, I'm inclined to more or less throw it out, as it came so early in his career. To that point, he'd only been in two projects - Renaissance Man and the TV movie The Substitute, and as mentioned, he wasn't exactly stretching himself. D'Angelo states that "the farther this South Boston bruiser moves away from himself, the more credible he becomes" - Basketball proves to be one film where this might not be the case, but I'm chalking it up to Wahlberg not knowing better - being himself because he knew so little of acting, with the result a natural-feeling performance.

Next was I Heart Huckabees, which, outside of his career-creating role in Boogie Nights, is his best performance. In the ensemble piece, Wahlberg plays Tommy, a firefighter who's had a crisis of conscience (of sorts). This crisis has made him virtually unable to function in everyday society, as he's prone to (violently) lecturing everyone he meets about the evils of petroleom. Tommy is played broad, fast and loose in this existential comedy, and Wahlberg, given free rein, chews the scenery up and steals the show, upstanding even such vets as Dustin Hoffman and Lily Tomlin. This is where the above quote about getting away from himself really rings true; there's not a hint of an accent to be found here, and though he's a loose canyon, Tommy carries none of the machismo b.s. that Wahlberg's lead roles seem to. It's hard to embarrass a guy that rides a bike and wears his fireman boots around all of the time. When you take into consideration that Huckabees came from Three Kings director David O. Russell (another high point in Wahlberg's career), it's hard not to singlehandedly give credit to Russell for whatever acting prowess Wahlberg has shown over the years. Clearly, though, his turns in The Departed and Boogie Nights - especially when contrasted with his leading man work - show that perhaps his has been a problem of not working with quality writers and directors, rather than being a blemish on his own abilities.


The last film, Shooter, seems to confirm that belief. True, this is essentially Commando all over again, mixed with a little Bourne action, so the bar was not and should not be set too high. But the fact remains that Wahlberg ends up the least interesting person on screen. He is a man of one emotion (if you can call it that) - blind intensity. No matter the situation, Wahlberg's Bob Lee Swagger knows what to say and/or do, and he executes every action as if he were a robot, even in a slightly romantic scene with Kate Mara. He shows no anger at the no-win situation he's been placed into, and displays no joy when he tastes sweet revenge; it was just another part of the plan, I suppose.

If the above description could be used for Planet of the Apes, or The Italian Job, or Max Payne, I'm sure it's no accident. Whether it's Mark himself or merely his collaborators, someone along the way has convinced him that to carry a film, he needs to get back to his tough guy roots, beating up on the bad guys while not feeling one way or another about it. Fact is, he's most appealing when it's the complete opposite case - when he's allowed to break free of expectations, manically twisting away from who you think he is. Or maybe he's just long overdue for another villain role; after all, he took those tough guy traits and turned them on their head in Fear, making what might have been a rote thriller an inescapably fun guilty pleasure. SO LET HIM IN THE F*$#ING HOUSE!

And then...

Tuesday's Twelve Tags #22

Last week's winner: Nick, with 11 points.
The theme: Each film features one of my Familiar Face-Unknown Name actors (and in order, too: FF-UN #1, Taylor Negron, was in The In Crowd, and so on). (Nick)

Here's the new dozen. The rules are simple: I'm going to give you a dozen taglines, all you have to do is name as many flicks that they belong to as you can. Try to resist the Google. Get the most and you win. There will always be a theme, though it's worth will vary according to how difficult I think it is. This week's theme is worth 9 points.

1. The Blues Are Back
2. The story of a lifetime.
3. It's not about the money. It's about the money.
4. The passion burns deep
5. A defense this dumb, has got to be a crime!
6. The first casualty of war is innocence.
7. More laughs. More music.
8. Changing the world... one word at a time.
9. A romantic comedy with the works.
10. He's looking for a few good men... or a few guys old enough to shave.
11. Registration starts Friday, June 13, at theaters everywhere.
12. A comedy about love at last glance.

As you get them right, I'll mark them as gotten and stuff. Good luck.

Standings
Justin - 6
Nick - 4
Jess - 3
J.D. - 2.5
Shane - 2
Sea_of_Green, Jason, Kyle - 1
Dead Pan - .5

Correct answers so far:
1. Blues Brothers 2000 (J.D.)
2. Forrest Gump (Alex)
3. Confidence (Justin)
4. St. Elmo's Fire (Justin)
5. Trial and Error (Justin)
6. Platoon (David S.)
7. More American Graffitti (Justin)
8. Akeelah and the Bee (J.D.)
9. Mystic Pizza (J.D.)
10. Major Payne (Justin)
11. Back to School (David S.)
12. Two Weeks Notice (Alex)
Theme - Each film features the song "Respect" by Aretha Franklin in it. (Nick)

And then...

March to Box Office Madness scoring update (through 5/17)

[Editor's note: I put this up at the LAMB, but realized that it ought to be published here, too, for those that signed up from here.]

Though the March to Box Office Madness game technically won't end until late September, I'm going to be periodically posting updates to the standings. It's been a couple months since the game started, so I figured now was a good time.

Though others could be called as decided, only four "matchups" have been outright, no doubt, for sure decided. Those four are (points per win in parenthesees): Angels & Demons vs. Observe and Report (1), Wolverine vs. 17 Again (1), State of Play vs. Dragonball: Evolution (1), and Wolverine vs. State of Play (2).

As such, there are 5 available points (there will be a total of 76 possible by the time the game ends). If you think I've made an error, be sure to let me know. We have 34 total players. Click here to read all about the game and/or to see the full bracket.

NAME	TOTAL
Anders	5
BD79	5
clara m.	5
Daniel G.	5
dreamrot	5
Dylan	5
Friend Mouse	5
Jess	5
Josh L.	5
Rachel	5
Rik F.	5
Ross W.	5
Wayne	5
Alex D.	4
Chaka	4
Jason S.	4
Jim B.	4
Linda S.	4
Mikey F.	4
Nick	4
Rick Bman	4
T.L Bugg	4
TC K.	4
Ivan S.	3
Wendymoon	3
James H.	2
Nayana A.	2
Scott M.	2
Shane C.	2
Stephanie	2
Derek	1
Joseph D.	1
Keith	1
Piper	1

All box office data from Box Office Mojo.

And then...

Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#41)

Show me what you got, J.D. (By the way, I still have a stash of pretty easy ones I need to use up - the hardness will have to wait a few weeks. This is the toughest of those.)




















Standings:
J.D. - 9
Fletch - 6
Wendymoon - 5
Jason/Daniel, Nick - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Rachel, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, David Bishop, Dave - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

And then...

TGITDNMAR (5/22/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Two major releases in the same weekend? The hell you say! This year seems to have been defined by there being one surefire chart-topper each week, surrounded by a bunch of wannabes. However, with a PG-13 Terminator and the family-friendly Museum franchise hitting theaters at the same time, we have out first legitimate battle of the summer on our hands. I say action beats out comedy/family fare, but we'll see - this year has been heavy on action and short on kiddie flicks, so perhaps this'll be the weekend where all the parents head out in droves.

Terminator Salvation
Yeah, I already saw this (see review below), so not only is the suspense all gone, but I even did that rare thing - I wrote my review for it the same night. OMG!!!

So...now I'm more or less out of things to say about it. I guess I'll echo a complaint that Mrs. Fletch had: where the hell was the groovy Nine Inch Nails song from the trailer, man? What's the deal? It would've fit perfectly into the gritty, dark, grey world that McG created, but no...all we got was Alice in Chains and some rehashed G 'n' R song! No talent ass clowns!

Ok, that was 99% fake hostility (I liked the songs that were used in the film), but the fact remains: they should have wedged that NIN song in there somewhere, just as Watchmen should've found a way to get its kickass trailer song (Muse's "Take a Bow") into it.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 100%

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
Aka, the "battle for the longest title in film history." Say what you will about Stiller and his run of mildly amusing comedies, but there's not a ton to hate about this series. No, it's not groundbreaking (or, again, very funny for anyone over the age of 12), but it's mildly educational for the kiddies and doesn't bang you over the head with stupid. I'm sure I'll watch it (and rewatch it again and again) when it hits HBO...but I have no plans to see it before then.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 13%

Dance Flick
I've learned my lesson with the "___ Movie" movies, and Wayans or no Wayans, I won't be fooled again. That said, this one does look to be many times funnier than the recent entries to the "genre" (which, I know, have not involved the Wayans) have been (I'm looking at you, Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans; I've been lucky enough to have avoided Disaster Movie altogether). It's also nice to see the next generation of Wayans getting in on the act, though I'd like to see Damon and/or Keenan Ivory be funny and relevant again.

And if you were counting, that's 4 times that the word "Wayans" was typed in the above paragraph. If you bet the over, you won!
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 9%

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Terminator Salvation

The first Terminator film introduced us to a woman named Sarah Connor. We were told that her son, John, would grow up to be a freedom fighter against a futuristic army of robots hellbent on destroying all mankind. We were also introduced to a mysterious man, sent from the future to protect her from one of the aforementioned evil robots, and we would later learn that he would turn out to be the father of this as-yet-unborn son. So she was saddled not only with the knowledge of a bleak future for humans, but with the responsibility of keeping her son alive so that he might live long enough to send someone back in time to save her and ensure his own existence. Heavy stuff - it's no wonder she was thought to be crazy.

It is, however, somewhat of a wonder that that story spawned three additional films and one TV show. With a larger budget and enhanced special effects (and seven years in which to come up with the story), it wasn't a big surprise that T2 ended up, in most, respects, a better film than its predecessor. Similarly, with a mid-50s Schwarzenneger, no other stars and the source authors uninvolved, it came as no great shock that Terminator 3 failed to keep audiences involved with the story. Which makes the success of Terminator Salvation downright amazing, especially to someone like me that was essentially uninterested in the franchise after the second film - after all, how much juice could there be in this story? There were really only three human characters that had any importance to begin with, and with one out of the picture (mother Sarah), what's left to tell?

You may or may not have noticed that on the above poster (and in the opening credits), star Christian Bale shares top billing with another actor. It's Sam Worthington, and before you say "Who?" as I might have, you ought to see the film. Turns out Sam's the star of this film after all, and the main reason the film works as well as it does. This takes nothing away from Bale, who gives a fine performance - this just isn't his story. This one is about Worthington's Marcus Wright, a character that does some time-travelling of his own (in a manner of speaking), and who ends up teaching Connor and the rest of the resistance fighters more about humanity than they had learned in all of their previous years fighting against the machines.

As with seemingly every reboot/sequel/remake we've seen over the past few years, Salvation does an excellent job of melding fresh material with winks and nods to the glory of yesterday's films. Bits and pieces of all three prior Terminators make their way into this one, and this is the second film of the summer set in the future that features a heavy rotation of 90s alt-rock hits (Star Trek featured the Beastie Boys' "Sabotage" for no good reason other than it's a kickass song that kind of fit the mood of the scene). Director McG lays off the heavy-handed dread of T2 and Rise of the Machines and also does well by not making this the fourth Terminator film to be little more than a two-hour chase sequence. Which isn't to say that there aren't chase scenes or other action set pieces galore - after all, that is the bread and butter of the series. But by cutting down on the "been there, done that" factor while at the same time hearkening back to the themes of what made T2 work so well, he's made an engaging, thoughtful action flick that stands proudly alongside the first two films.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"Darn tootin!"

Random leftover thoughts:

* How great is it to have Michael Ironside back in a top-notch action flick. I feel like it's 1989 all over again. Sure, he doesn't have that much screen time, but a little bit of him has always gone a long way, anyhow. I surely enjoyed his presence.

* Should Common just change his name to "Fiercely Loyal Black Sidekick?" I hate to reduce him to that, as I think he's capable of being much more, but I don't think I'm the one doing the reducing. With this, Wanted, and Smoking Aces already showcasing this role on his limited resume, it's clear that he needs to pick his scripts a little more carefully, no matter how big budget they may be.

* Mild spoiler: loved the handling and execution of the fake Arnold. Not only did they bring in a guy that has played Arnold in a made-for-TV movie to be the body (Roland Kickinger), but they did a better job of faking his face than the X-Men folks did making Professor X younger, all the while having Patrick Stewart on set.

* Milder spoiler: Did we really need the mute black child? Sure, have the kid, but why mute? On the other hand, at least they didn't make her miraculously talk at any point, as that would've been really lame.

* That helicopter crash sequence early on felt really unnecessary, but at the same time, it was filmed pretty fandamntasically. One instance of style winning out over substance.

* Here's how much I avoid press these days for big budget films that I plan on seeing (though even I couldn't escape the knowledge that Arnold was gonna be in this): I had no idea Helena Bonham Carter had a role. Good job by the producers at getting some acting heavyweights (her, Bale, Bryce Dallas Howard, for starters) on board. Though Moon Bloodgood didn't exactly blow me away at times.

And then...

Gasp! (Also, Poll results/New Poll)

No more Survivor - what am I supposed to do now? Write just about movies? Well, a Lymelife review is due any day now, and Mrs. Fletch and I are headed to see the new Terminator film in just a few minutes, but in the meantime, what say we review the results of the last poll?

Looks like the a healthy chunk of you were smarter than me, having skipped X-Men Origins: Wolverine altogether (40%). The rest of the votes were a smattering of "best parts" from that gawdawful film, with the opening credits, a nekkid Hugh Jackman, Deadpool, and the District 9 trailer leading the way.

Speaking of District 9, am I the only one distressed by the fact that there are no less than three films being released by the end of the year with some form of the number nine in their title? How unimaginative is that sh*t? I'd be more distressed, but I'm wildly looking forward to two of them (perhaps you can guess which one I'm not cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs over). Anyway, I'm wondering which one you're most interested in seeing...

And then...

Tuesday's Twelve Tags #21

Last week's winner: Jess, with 17/19 possible points, which would likely be a record if I were keeping track of such things.
The theme: The 12 missing words formed the tagline "All she wanted was to make a living. Instead she made history," from the film North Country. (Jess)

Here's the new dozen. The rules are simple: I'm going to give you a dozen taglines, all you have to do is name as many flicks that they belong to as you can. Try to resist the Google. Get the most and you win. There will always be a theme, though it's worth will vary according to how difficult I think it is. This week's theme is worth a whopping 10 points - I have to negate all the Googling somehow, don't I? Hints to come, I'm sure...

1. What would you do to get in?
2. It's a heck of a place to find yourself
3. A story about one man's search... for who knows what
4. Sometimes your life comes into focus one frame at a time.
5. For a rookie cop, there's one thing more dangerous than uncovering a killer's fantasy. Becoming it.
6. Time is running out.
7. It's never too late to believe in your dreams.
8. When your life depends on losing... the last thing you need is lady luck.
9. How Fast Do You Want It?
10. The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.
11. It's not just an adventure... It's a love affair.
12. Who said anything about talent?

As you get them right, I'll mark them as gotten and stuff. Good luck.

Standings
Justin - 6
Nick, Jess - 3
J.D. - 2.5
Shane - 2
Sea_of_Green, Jason, Kyle - 1
Dead Pan - .5

Correct answers so far:
1. The In Crowd (Alex)
2. Elizabethtown (Alex)
3. Trees Lounge (Nick)
4. The Majestic (BD79)
5.
6.
7. The Rookie (J.D.)
8. The Cooler (Justin)
9. 2 Fast 2 Furious (Justin)
10. Mulan (Alex)
11.
12.
Theme - Each film features one of my Familiar Face-Unknown Name actors (and in order, too: FF-UN #1, Taylor Negron, was in The In Crowd, and so on). (Nick)

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Management

Just when you thought 41-year old Steve Zahn was through playing man-children, along comes the poorly-titled Management (it's taken from a line of dialogue that is neither important to the plot nor can be used to draw any parallels to the theme), featuring Zahn as the slacker kid of motel-owning parents (Fred Ward and Paris, Je 'taime's Margo Martindale). I should never complain about looking young myself, as Zahn has nearly 10 years on me and probably gets carded for buying Pez; it's no wonder he can't seem to escape these roles.

It's also a shame that he didn't escape this one in particular. He's not only playing a going-nowhere-fast character, but it's in a going-nowhere movie. The action picks up when Zahn's Mike spies a new guest at his parents' Kingman, AZ motel - Jennifer Aniston's Sue. Sue's in town on business and is minding her own when Mike decides to attempt to woo her. Desperate and unskilled with members of the opposite sex, Mike comes off as so doofy and helpless that Sue can't help but feel somewhat sorry for him, allowing him to grope her butt and later, inexplicably, sleeping with him.

It's at about this point that the film goes off the rails. We get why she humored him and let him touch her rump; she's bored in a small town, and despite his weak attempts at charming her, he's childlike and safe enough to play along. But actually entering into any sort of relationship with him? Not buying it. I don't care how emotionally stilted Sue might be, or how puppy-dog cute Mike might be as he follows (stalks) Sue around the country, or how much maturity and perspective Mike gains over the course of the film (it takes place over the course of several months), no rational woman would have given him a chance in the first place.

Let's suppose, though, that I could get over the Mike/Sue relationship. The film still plays out awkwardly, with its first and third acts (which are set mostly in Kingman) staged quietly and almost introspectively, and a second act that employs broad physical comedy, outlandish and bizarre behavior by its characters, and even a blink-and-you'll-miss-it (and maybe even if you don't bilnk) cameo from Josh Lucas as a skydiving teacher. It's like a Silly, Stupid sandwich made with Quirky, Sensitive bread.

On the bright side, though, the cast is appealing. Zahn, of course used to these roles, has the lovable loser role down pat, as is most funny when he's not asked to be too funny. Aniston, given little to do but look stressed, is clearly in Office Space "ok, yeah" mode. But as usual, I got the most joy out of the (relatively) little people: Fred Ward playing a quiet, frustrated guy still stuck in a war, Margo Martindale (Paris, Je t'aime) as Mike's doting mother, and Mark Boone Junior(Memento) as a pawn shop owner with a serious drawl.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"Whatever."

And then...

FYI: Testing the waters

In case you've been lurking and/or unable and/or unwilling to post comments with the setup I had previously, I've loosened up the restrictions a bit. Hopefully, the wowgold spammers have gone on vacation with all of the crazy money they've been making over the past six months.

And then...

Survivor: Tocantins Episode 14 (The Finale!) Recap (live blog)

J.T. Stephen. Taj. Erinn. Coach.

Aww, no Coach. Well, we'll have to settle for those first four to properly entertain us for tonight's finale. Who's your money on? The smart money says either of the boys, as Taj has plenty of moolah and Erinn...well, it seems as though no one likes Erinn, which ought to ensure her a place in the final three, but not much further.

And so it begins...

7:02: Does the show ever go to a location that doesn't have tarantulas and/or some other large spiders? That's the place I want to go when I'm a contestant.

7:04: Make no mistake. J.T. and Stephen are going to turn from friends to enemies on this show. They pretty much have to, don't they?

7:08: Damnit - tree mail was a big tease. Inside their basket was a giant fake spider, leading me to believe that maybe, just maybe, the players would be forced to endure an "eat nasty things" challenge, but no - turns out it's just a taratunla-shaped obstacle course. Still could be a good challenge, but color me disappointed.

7:10: You know how Jeff always asks the players "You guys ready to do it?" What if they said "No?" (This comment courtesy of Mrs. Fletch.)

7:13: Can you say "no drama?" J.T. is destroying the field. Barring him having one hell of a time with the puzzle element, this challenge is o-v-e-r.

7:16: I call fancy editing shenanigans. I think J.T. had that challenge pretty much locked up, but we were made to believe that Erinn had a shot. Or perhaps not, as Erinn pretty much just validated what we had seen on screen.

7:20: Again with the spiders?!? I'm sensing a theme...will Coach be showing up to Final Council in a spider outfit or something? Will Stephen get bitten by a radioactive one, bulking him up and correcting his vision, giving him a better shot at the final Immunity Challenge?

7:24: I can't believe that Stephen and J.T. are seriously concerned with Taj having a better chance of winning the game than either of them. Yes, she has played a decent strategic game, teaming up with them and sticking with that alliance for the entire game. However, financial considerations aside, she hasn't done jack in terms of challenges or any other physical side of the game. I'd be happy to take her to the Final Council.

7:28: This has to be the most courteous final four in some time. Not that it's a bad thing, but none of these people has any animosity towards any of the other three. As such, Jeff seems to be really struggling to drive up the drama here, and the producers even turned on the fake lightning/thunder machine in order to make it seem more dramatic. Wise choice, CBS.

7:31: Baby did a bad, bad thing. Seriously, guys? Taking out Taj? What exactly did that accomplish? Now, not only is there the option of Erinn making the Final Council, which will be judged by a jury made up almost entirely of her prior tribe members, but even Taj would be picking Erinn over either guy. Seems like a lose-lose to me. If anything, the wiser choice would have been for either guy to stab the other guy in the back, but what do I know?

7:39: Stephen = King of the Passive People. Only he would rather NOT win Immunity so that he won't have to make the decision of who to take to the final two. Call me crazy, but I'd rather have a 50% chance of winning than a 33% chance. And here we've been told that Steve's a math whiz.

7:42: ETA to the annoying "Walk of Dead Players:" three minutes and counting. Time to hit pause, go have some dessert, then come back and fast-forward through the most annoying tradition in every Survivor finale. At least there's no Pontiac Azteks being given away...be back in about 15 minutes.

8:07: Well, it's 8:07 my time, but since we paused it, I now am unaware of what "show time" it is. On the bright side, we've just skipped through about 8 minutes of clips of people we barely, if at all, remember, and since we'll be skipping commercials, I should be all caught up soon. I'll let you know when I'm back "live."

8:09: Wow, the heavy symbolism of burning trinkets. Deep.

8:11: Apparently the producers hired the set designers/artists from the film Fracture, as the challenge features intricate rolling ball structures. Interesting...


8:13: Okay, I admire the artwork and engineering that it took to create these rolling ball thingees, but this has to be one of the dumber final immunity challenges of all time. C'mon, as Jeff put it, this could be a "million-dollar challenge," and what's it testing? Their hand-eye coordination? This is supposed to prove how much they want a million bucks? Gimme a break.

8:15: Well, I guess the style of the challenge matters not - we got the same outcome. J.T. wins immunity yet again. He hasn't appeared to be nearly as dominant, but this has to have been the closest we've seen to an Ozzy-like run on challenge victories, no? What's he won - 6 of the last 8 or so?

8:19: Despite the fact that Erinn's former tribemates make up the vast majority of the jury, I can't see how J.T. doesn't win the game at this point. The way I see it, if Erinn goes to the final two, the jury, made up of a group of people that doesn't particularly care for her, will blast her for 40 minutes. On the other hand, if Stephen is in the final two, he ought to stutter, stammer and make excuses the entire time, coming off as whiny at best and cowardly and moronic at worst. Meanwhile, J.T. has held the same, laid-back stance throughout the game, never fretting too much over decisions made, shaking them off with a "what's done is done" stance. On top of that, he's polite and smart - I don't see him pissing people off any more than they might be already.

8:27: Who gives a holy hell if a Survivor "friendship" is broken over the chance at a million dollars? I sure wouldn't. Stephen's "breakfast" reminder was weak.

8:29: Big disappointment from me on the Coach's Fashion front. Really, Coach - a "Shark's Cove" shirt? WWTDT? What Would the Dragons Think?

8:30: I'm unsure of whether or not J.T.'s odds of winning went down at all going against Stephen as opposed to Erinn, but I'm glad he did it. Coach is, too. Breakfast is, too.

8:33: "Dude, you and I are gonna be friends for life." - Stephen, pathetic Survivor contestant to his mancrush J.T. Call me crazy, but I have a hunch that the feeling isn't entirely mutual. And yes, I do feel bad for Stephen. He needs G.O.B. and Michael Bluth to help him through his dark times (yes, that's another Arrestested Development reference).

8:35: Day 39 Breakfast!!!! Day 39 Breakfast!!!! Day 39 Breakfast!!!! Day 39 Breakfast!!!!

8:37: What are the odds that Stephen goes in for a kiss here? It's coming...

8:37: Yes! How refreshing! I was just thinking, wouldn't it be cool if the final two avoided the cliched "burn down camp before leaving" bit? And they didn't do it. Note to the producers: cut out the "Walk of Dead Players" and I'll have one fewer thing to complain about next season.

8:39: Hmmm...Stephen playing the "I didn't do anything worthy of winning/J.T. and I worked as a team" card. Seems unwise.

8:41: Nick, in another timezone, has already commented on the final council, stating that it was "one of the most painful and heartbreaking final tribals I've ever seen." Sounds interesting, to say the least. A little surprising, too - must be a lot of sour grapes on deck.

8:43: Based on the first question from Brendan, I think I already understand what Nick meant by that. It sounds as though Stephen is about to be drilled to bits by the jury...and that he's not going to deal with it very well. This could indeed get cringeworthy, and in a hurry.

8:47: What?!? Coach this early in the testimonials? Boooooooo.

8:47: "Iron"..."noble warrior"...lack of animosity....Coach earning a C- for his comments thus far.

8:49: Coach's final grade: D. He clearly did not bring the warrior's spirit to the final council.

8:51: Did Sierra just claim that J.T. should have brought Brendan to the final two? He was the first person on the jury! Who gives a crap about Brendan?

8:54: That sound? Stephen throwing J.T. under the bus. This could get ugly.

8:55: As it turns out, it didn't matter so much who was on the jury or what they had to say - all of the drama and turmoil was already sitting there between J.T. and Stephen. Not the worst final council, but not the best either. I'm wildly disappointed in Coach, Tyson, and Taj. No one brought enough hate or personality - the reunion show better make up for it.

8:58: And we're back live. Wait a sec, though - no final statement by the final two? Isn't that a hallmark of the finale? The least they could do, then, is to bring back the "Jeff travels by boat, parachute, motorcycle, submarine, and god knows what other method of transportation" sequence.

9:01: Alas, no dice.

9:02: Please stop trying to squeeze the drama out of the reading of these votes. Is there any way that J.T. has fewer than 5 out of the 7 votes? Survey says....

9:03: No. J.T. received all of the votes, as there were no votes read for Stephen, and there certainly would have been had he received any.

9:05: As much as I'd like to keep this up for the additional hour that is the reunion show, including the revelation that Jeff offered Coach a lie-detector test, I'm going to take this opportunity to close the book on this season of Survivor. Thanks for reading, and keep an eye out for Coach's inevitable, MUST-HAPPEN reality series all about him.

Survivor news at Survivor.com
Survivor homepage at CBS.com

And then...

Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#40)

Will the early bird get worm?

Oh, and J.D. is pulling away from the pack. Wendy? Nick? Any challengers? If not, I might have to go back to making these harder so that I can start climbing the leaderboard again...




















Standings:
J.D. - 8
Fletch - 6
Wendymoon - 5
Jason/Daniel, Nick - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Rachel, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, David Bishop, Dave - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

And then...

TGITDNMAR (5/15/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Yawn.

Angels & Demons
Read the book the first film was based on. Saw the first film. Was underwhelmed. Haven't read the book. Don't plan on seeing the movie unless I see the book. Don't plan on reading the book anytime in the near future. Miss Audrey Tautou, even if she had a blah role the last time around. Glad Hanks' hair doesn't look so retarded. Miss Alfred Molina, but glad to see Ewan McGregor and Stellan Skarsgård. Still not gonna see it.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 3%

Management
Is this another case of me totally missing the advertising for a film that the rest of you can't escape? Granted, I haven't been to the theater nearly as much this year compared to last (as discussed previously), but I'm still making it out on average of once a week. You'd think that I would see posters and/or trailers for most wide(r) releases.

I'd only first read of this flick over at WaywardJam's place last week. So what's the deal? Aniston, Zahn, Josh Lucas - I know they aren't the biggest stars in the world, but I'm more than a little surprised that I know almost nothing about this. Must be because nothing explodes in it, no one figures it's worth talking about. Anyway, I'm game (especially considering my options).
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 73%

And then...

Survivor fans: two links to pass on...

Was checking out Survivor.com this morning. If you are a fan of the show, it's a great aggregator of recaps and live blogs (yes, like mine, which makes them the tops in my book). But you must see this...

Jeff Probst's recap of last night's show, from EW.com. Call me crazy, but it reads like a mirror to what I wrote last night. Jeff and I have a serious mind-meld going on right now - it's scary. And to those of you that don't like it, I got nothing for ya.

When Jeff Probst talks, E.F. Hutton even listens. Book it - Coach is gonna get his own show, and I am definitely watching it. He's going to be a multimedia star whose appeal extends beyond the Survivor world.

From E online, a Richard Hatch update. Sad or deserved? You be the judge.

And then...

Survivor: Tocantins Episode 13 Recap (live blog)

D'oh - the lack of a wireless router at my parents' house has left me using TextEdit again and keeping this from being a truly live blog. But it is being written live, for whatever that's worth.

7:00: "I know I'm a dangerous player in this game." A nickel if you can guess who said it...

7:01: "I think this is the first time in this game that I'm almost speechless....almost." If only, Coach. If only.

7:06: "Everybody's now workin' on their pole." A less mature person would have a field day with this Reward Challenge. I will not succumb to such crude antics.

7:07: "Once you think your pole's long enough, start swinging it towards the sandbags." This is painful.

7:11: Wow - that was a world class monologue by Coach. After being called out by Erinn for his martyrdom "strategy" heading to Exile "Island," Coach turned into the show's chief Armchair Psychologist; that is, when he wasn't complaining about all of his many physical ailments (asthma, slipped discs, polio, AIDS, H1N1 virus, you name it). Kudos to you, Coach. Enjoy your stay on Exile - I hope you don't starve to death.

7:18: Am I the only one that thinks Coach should use his time on Exile Island to make a symbolic statement like cutting off his hair or returning to camp covered in his own blood or something? The douchebag is busy talking about Native Americans and sacrifices and normal Coachy things; perhaps he's gonna go and have a vision quest while he's out there.

7:20: Good God, it never stops! He just referred to himself in the third person (as "Coach Wade," no less) twice. Somebody get this guy his own reality show. I want to see him standing in front of his soccer team spouting off all this garbage, only to then cut to shots of infinite numbers of eye rolls from all of the players. I would definitely watch that show.

7:24: J.T. and Buster eating, showering, eating some more, yada yada yada. Nothing to see here, folks.

7:32: How much you wanna bet Coach wins this Immunity? The Gods foretold of it. I think.

7:34: By the way, in case I haven't said it lately, I'm a big, big fan of these stamina challenges where people have to endure great pain and use full concentration to win. How badly do you want it? These are much, much better than some dumb puzzle.

7:36: Meanwhile, Coach is verbal diarrhea-ing again, and Taj is winning the award for Most Eyerolls in a 60-minute television show.

7:37: And once again, the challenge comes down to Coach and J.T. Even Jeff is getting into the spirit of things, narrating the "battle" between the veteran warrior and the young listener or whatever. This is great. That is, until J.T. asks Jeff if he has any food; don't you dare give up on this challenge, J.T.!

7:38: Is it any surprise at all that Coach wears himself some toe rings?

7:38: Call the Survivor medical team and get this poor, poor man some attention! Coach, having just lost the challenge, screams and falls to the ground. I think he's suffering from dramaqueenitis. Not surprisingly, the WARRIOR/DRAGON SLAYER turns away Jeff's offer of actually bringing out the medic squad, cementing the fact that he's a big, fat, crybaby liar; of course, he says this under the guise of "oh, they'd take me away for sure." You're right, Coach - you can endure pain like no other man. You are a demigod amongst ants. A Zeus amongst peons.

7:39: Oh yeah - loved the Super Dramatic music that was playing whilst Coach was screaming in pain. How happy are the producers of the show to have gotten this guy? It's like they won the lottery three times in ten weeks.

7:47: "To this day, that has not backfired on me." Do you even need to know who said it or what it was about to get an inkling that "it" is going to backfire now? It's like Scream - once you say "Ill be right back," you've just cemented the fact that you're going to be the one that gets killed next. We can only hope (or not?) that said alliance and trust Coach has placed in Stephen and J.T. backfires on him.

7:48: To be honest, I'm truly torn. Of course, no rational human could possibly want and/or think that Coach deserves to win...but don't we need him for the final episode, specifically for the final Tribal Council? It would be goddamned priceless.

7:50: "With friend and foe, we march to the battle plain..." - Coach's poem, May 14th, 2009

7:51: "Dragon slayed." - Erinn, as she's voting for Coach.

7:51: Survey says...NOOOOOOOO!!!

Stephen flipped on Coach. The dragon slayer has indeed been slayed. I must admit, I'm a bit sad to see him go. The rest of my family, however, applauded as the last vote was read.






















Survivor news at Survivor.com
Survivor homepage at CBS.com

And then...

Familiar Face - Unknown Name #13 - Clifton Collins, Jr.

Call them what you want - character actors, "That Guy(s)," scene stealers - I don't care. This is a regular feature where I spotlight one performer, whether they be longtime veterans like J.K. Simmons or Barry Corbin, or a fresher face just making their way up the stardom ranks. For previous FF-UNs, click here.

Special Partners in Crime edition! WaywardJam, my buddy over at Reel Whore, took my lead some months back and decided to give some love to the female versions of the FF-UNs in a feature titled "Who's That Lady?" And if there's anyone that should be giving some lovin' to the undersung ladies of Hollywood, it's the Reel Whore. Prior ladies spotlighted include Beth Grant, Jennifer Coolidge, and Jane Lynch; however, with the release of Sunshine Cleaning, Wayne saw a perfect opportunity for us to finally join forces. We've each chosen a worthy character actor - you can see mine below; to see who his is (and all prior ladies), just click here.

Today's Familiar Face-Unknown Name:

Clifton Collins, Jr.

Where You've Seen Him (high profile): He's been all over movie screens in 2009, with supporting roles in Star Trek (playing Eric Bana's right-hand man), Sunshine Cleaning (the guy missing a hand - and rest of his arm) and Crank: High Voltage. In 2005, he won accolades (and an award or two) for his performance as murderer Perry Smith in Capote, and had previously made a name for himself in dramas such as Traffic and 187.

Where You've Seen Him (not-so-high profile): It looks as though he had a good-sized role, but did anyone actually see The Last Castle? Was nominated for an Emmy for his supporting role in the FX show Thief, and also appeared on a couple episodes of the FX hit The Shield. Starred alongside Brittany Daniel in both Rampage: The Hillside Strangler Murders and Dirty, and has starred in a handful of other smaller flicks (Road Dogz, Price of Glory). Making his way up the ranks, Collins was also seen in minor roles in higher profile pictures such as Babel, Sgt. Bilko, Poetic Justice, Menace II Society, and Dead Presidents.

Character Specialties: The 38-year old Collins is the closest thing to the next Gary Oldman that can be found in film today. He's capable of pulling off sensitive thinkers and brutal killers alike with equal aplomb, and is almost always disappearing into the role so much that it might hurt his career in the short term. His talent hasn't allowed that to happen yet, but I'm sure there are more than a few people who might look at the above picture and still not recognize the face, despite possibly having seen it a number of times. I guess you could say that his specialty is in a somewhat dark role - his often sad, sleepy eyes gear him towards playing someone that's either been hurt or has been on the delivering side of pain.

My favorite role: Perry Smith was an impressive, understated role for Collins, but I must pick his gay hitman in Traffic. Somehow, Collins made him creepy, dangerous and sympathetic simultaneously.

Little Known Facts: Is the grandson of Pedro Gonzalez-Gonzalez (and actor known for appearing in John Wayne films), and went by the name Clifton Gonzalez-Gonzalez as a tribute to him until Collins' father passed away in 2000. Collins is of half-Mexican descent.

His sister Veronica is a casting director, and worked on LOST and Alias, perhaps giving Clifton an easier way into Star Trek (all three projects were helmed by J.J. Abrams).

Clifton apparently likes hats. A lot. And is a fan of wearing them tilted to one side.

Is also a fan of snowboarding...and Gary Oldman (no surprise).

Has a slightly, um, different fan site set up in his honor: http://www.gilmarc.com/cliffc/index06.html

On Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clifton_Collins,_Jr.
On IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004286/

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Star Trek

Can you hear them coming? Are you ready for them to piss you off, to be the proverbial turds in the punchbowls? Yes, the Star Trek haters will be here soon, crapping all over your reasons why it's a great reboot to what had been a dead franchise. And you know what? To borrow a line from Total Recall's Cohaagen, you're f*$#ing making it happen!

If you'd like to avoid the practically-inevitable backlash, stop telling everyone how good the movie is - how it's a perfect blending of something old, new, borrowed and blue (by which I mean Spock's uniform, of course). Stop telling them that it's funny and exciting, how the Trekkies and/or Trekkers are weeping with joy at all of the in-jokes and winks that J.J. Abrams and his writers made for them, and how it is that a 78-year old man takes what was already a good movie and makes it great merely by showing up. And by all means, don't tell them that they "have to see it right now!"

No, the proper tactic is of course to downplay the film's success. Tell them that "It's pretty good - better than most of the crap out there right now but nothing worth writing home about." Tell them that the effects looked "okay, but needed some work" or that "Abrams makes it a little too LOSTy...but you might want to see it if you like that show." Certainly don't tell them to go to Rotten Tomatoes, where they're be able to see the 95% Fresh rating that it's sporting, or to IMDb to see the 8.6/10 rating it's got. Tell them anything but the truth - it can only serve to help us all in the long run.

To do my part, I'm going to put on my nitpicking hat (some big nits, some very small nits) and do my best to point out as many of the bad things I can think of with Star Trek, just to hopefully take away some of the ammunition that the haters may bring. If I can, at the same time, somehow dampen expectations for those who haven't seen it yet - well, that's just a win-win scenario, isn't it?

It should go without saying that some SPOILERZ follow below:

* I can't say that I've read a ton of reviews for Star Trek just yet, but I have yet to see a comparison to a film that it sure seems to owe a bit to. That's right - the Casper Van Dien vehicle Starship Troopers. And not just because they each begin with "star_ tr_." Think about it - young, dumb, full of *ahem* go-getter leaves brightly colored future town on the heels of advice from veteran soldier to take his place in space. Gets there and almost immediately becomes the leader of his team, becoming right-hand man to said veteran by virtue of doing almost nothing. Um - are there not tens of thousands of people on the Enterprise? Why is a green cadet being made first officer?

Not that I consider a comparison to be a bad thing, per se; hell, I love that cornball flick. But it kind of is a bad thing.

* For LOST viewers: Spock = Faraday? Seriously, Abrams - you're stealing plot lines for Star Trek directly from LOST, or is it the other way around?

* Typically, action movies are only as good as their villains. Not so the case here. Eric Bana's pissed off Romulan isn't terrible, but he's not developed all that much and frankly, he's just not all that memorable. He didn't hurt the film, but he didn't really help it, either. It felt like a role that had been shot in two weeks.

* It's a shame that the only two examples I can cite of this off the top of my head are both minority characters, but I have to say that the casting of Tyler Perry as some sort of judge/authority figure was distracting (the other example would be Sam Jackson in the first Star Wars prequel). For such a non-role, couldn't it have just as easily been an unrecognizable face? He's just so tied to his work that, in a film like this, he really takes you out of it.

* I won't go as far as to say that the action sequences were nauseating on the level of a Cloverfield or Blair Witch (they weren't even really "shaky cammy"), but there certainly needed to be some better editing going on there. Aside from a nice medium panning shot of John Cho and Chris Pine fighting on the drill, it seemed as though we were never given more than a 2-second shot of whatever action was taking place, and even the longer ones felt hand-held.

* Taken from my friend Alex (aka commentor Nic Cage), the "scary monster chases Kirk on ice planet, only to be swatted away by bigger monster who will now chase Kirk" sequence was wildly unnecessary, and too reminiscent of a similar scene in The Phantom Menace when our heroes were being chased (albeit underwater) by monsters who ate each other. Also, as Mrs. Fletch pointed out, the second, larger animal would not survive on an ice planet - it had no fur/protective coating.

* The music. It's nonstop, too loud, in your face, and cues you what to think/feel as much as it can. Lots of times, I barely notice the score in an action flick; here, it was bugging me.

* Finally...Ok, I understand that it's a mining ship. And that it's been "out there" for 25 years, presumably losing some, if not many, of its members. But exactly how many Romulans were on that ship of theirs? 12? Because it sure seemed easy for Kirk and Spock to just breeze in there and do whatever the hell they wanted.

So that's my contribution to the anti-backlash campaign. Now stop fawning all over it and get out there and do your part, too.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"It's in the hole!"

And then...

Tuesday's Twelve Tags #20

Last week's winner: Nick, with 8 points.
The theme: Each film featured a real-life mother and her child in it (Example: Night at the Museum starred Ben Stiller, and his mother Anne Meara co-starred (Nick).

Here's the new dozen. The rules are simple: I'm going to give you a dozen taglines, all you have to do is name as many flicks that they belong to as you can. Try to resist the Google. Get the most and you win. There will always be a theme, though it's worth will vary according to how difficult I think it is. This week's theme is....

As I'm wont to do, I'm throwing a curveball at ya, making you work a little bit harder to win this time around. Below, you will find the usual 12 tags. However, there's a single word missing from each one. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to figure out the 12 movies as usual, but to also take the 12 words that are missing below and form them into a new tagline, and to then determine what film that tagline belongs to. Get that film and you get 7 points.

Got it? Good.

1. Ever _____ to be someone else? Now you can.
2. _____ your own rules.
3. When the creeping dead devour the _____ flesh!
4. They _____ A Movie So Naughty We Can Only Show Their Faces
5. What America needed ___ a miracle. What it got was a hockey game.
6. _____ is about to catch up with America's most successful bank robbers
7. _____ his life, Ray Kinsella was searching for his dreams. Then one day, his dreams came looking for him.
8. Martin just wanted a nice, quiet family vacation. _____, he got...
9. _____ lot can happen on the road to nowhere
10. She's an executive on the move. But her career is taking her a little farther than _____ expected.
11. _____ brought a small town to its feet and a huge corporation to its knees.
12. One man's extraordinary fight _____ save the family he loved.

As you get them right, I'll mark them as gotten and stuff. Good luck.

Standings
Justin - 6
Nick - 3
J.D. - 2.5
Shane, Jess - 2
Sea_of_Green, Jason, Kyle - 1
Dead Pan - .5

Correct answers so far:
1. Being John Malkovich (Jess)
2. Varsity Blues (Kano)
3. Virus (Jess)
4. Zack and Miri Make a Porno (Jess)
5. Miracle (Jess)
6. The Newton Boys (Jess)
7. Field of Dreams (Jess)
8. Captain Ron (Jess)
9. Wild Hogs (Kano)
10. New in Town (Jess)
11. Erin Brockovich
12. Cinderella Man (Jess)
Theme - The 12 missing words formed the tagline "All she wanted was to make a living. Instead she made history," from the film North Country. (Jess)

And then...

Tuesday's Twelve Tags #20...is coming later tonight.

Sorry...busy at work and with the LAMMYs...but TTT will be up at some point tonight.

And then...

Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#39)

And now, a special Mother's Day edition of SGC.*




















Standings:
J.D. - 7
Fletch - 6
Wendymoon - 5
Jason/Daniel, Nick - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Rachel, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, David Bishop, Dave - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:













* Said just to confuse you into thinking that the poster has something to do with mothers and/or Mother's Day. Or maybe it does...

And then...

TGITDNMAR (5/8/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Yeah, I suck. All those weeks during August and January and February when there are five crappy movies a week being released, I'm here to bitch and moan about the dearth of good films (or at least anticipated ones). But then, the last few weeks, when blockbusters like Wolverine are released, I'm not here to give high percentages and praise Hollywood for putting out better material.

Or maybe I'm just really smart. After all, Wolverine was terrible. Anyway, this week features another hotly awaited flick, and I'm here to praise it, damnit.

Star Trek
I'm speechless - the featured user comment on IMDb comes attached with the blurb "Set your phasers to STUNNING!" Please, shoot me now. Or better yet, find the idiot that wrote that (unironically, it seems) and shoot them.

Let's think of more awful puns and non sequitirs that could be used for Star Trek reviews.

"Trek-ing it's way to excellence!"

"You'll Pine for the new Star Trek."

"Five Stars!"

"stAR Trek"

"Spockingly good!"

Alright, that's enough of that. Feel free to add your own.

I don't have much else to add, save for this: so, does Winona Ryder play a top-secret, special role, or has her star just fallen that far?
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 99%

Next Day Air
I'm a big Donald Faison fan. And though he's a bit green, Mos Def is an appealing actor. But did this have to have Mike Epps in it? I find him to be the antithesis of funny. He tries so damn hard and most of the time it just falls flat for me.

So, I want to like this and support it and everything, but I just don't see that happening, especially since Mrs. Fletch is a giant racist and won't see anything with black people in it. Really - every time will.i.am came on screen during Wolverine, she went into convulsions. It was way uncomfortable.

Ok, that's not true at all. I'm just doing that thing where I don't have anything else to say about a movie and am stretching it out. And I wanted to make sure you were paying attention.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 14%

And then...