Stained Glass Cinema #2

Round 2: what movie poster is this?

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Traitor

In this Holy War on Terror, can there ever be a "winner" and a "loser," or are all parties both? In the name of God (or Allah), to what end are the soldiers of these wars winning to fight, and through what means? Does God overlook death when it is carried out in his name, and who can be classified an "innocent victim" and who can't? Without mentioning the words "War on Terror" or "Iraq" (amongst others not mentioned), these are the questions that Traitor seeks to answer, or at least explore, all while acting as more of a straight up drama/actioner than the more blatantly politically-minded Syriana.

Based on a story by Steve Martin (yes, that Steve Martin), Traitor stars Don Cheadle as Samir Horn, a man torn between two contrasting worlds. Born to a Sudanese father and American mother, the Muslim Horn bounced all over the world as a child and teen, picking up on the vast differences between the Middle East and the West. Despite never really knowing who to believe ideologically, Horn joined the American military after high school in Chicago, though after a tour with Special Forces in Afghanistan, he stayed behind, leaving his superiors questioning where his loyalties lied.

From there, Traitor takes you on a Bourne-like jaunt around the world, from Yemen to Marseilles to London, Toronto, D.C. and just about everywhere in between, as Samir, who is making his way into a terrorist cell, is simultaneously hunted down by the FBI (in the form of Guy Pearce and Neal McDonough) while serving as an asset to another Washington insider played by Jeff Daniels. Said Taghmaoui (Three Kings) also co-stars as Samir's friend/colleague in the terror cell.

Despite excellent acting and a taut, twisting narrative, Traitor eventually, um, betrayed me (couldn't help it). Early on, the sharp script takes some solid swipes at both the US and religious extremists. First, Pearce's agent remarks on the two-headed nature of all religions (citing the KKK as an example, where those that burned the crosses and those that cleaned up the mess both did their tasks in the name of God). Later, Samir's superior (Aly Khan) in the terror cell reminds the American audience watching that, once upon a time, the US could have been classified as little more than terrorists against England. The criticism is biting and true; as Samir attempts to point out to a number of characters throughout the film (and is something I try to do as well), what one sees as extreme or fanatical is largely dependent upon what shoes one is wearing. Having lived in both environments and being capable of "blending" into either, Samir understands this more than most.

However, the film sells out its soul in the midst of coming to its conclusion. Sure, both sides of the "war on terror" may be wrong, but perhaps the US side is just a bit more right, the film says. Leaving the film as the unfinished story it is might have angered some, but pandering is worse.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"Darn tootin!"


Final, unorganized thoughts:

* Though I was disappointed with the ending, I still enjoyed Traitor and would recommend it. The sad part is that that may be difficult. Marketing for it is all but invisible, and despite the fact that the Olympics are over, it was dumped to open on a Wednesday at the end of August. While it may not get the critical acclaim of either Bourne or Syriana, I feel that it at least deserved a chance. This is made all the more bizarre when you consider the appeal (if not star power) of the faces most recognizable to North American audiences (Cheadle, Pearce, Daniels). Hopefully, it will do better in the world market, but with it's pro-American finale, that may not be in the cards.

* It's funny that a discussion about billing (and movie posters) broke out in the comments today, as last night Mrs. Fletch and I were discussing the poster seen above. She was upset that Taghmaoui (a favorite of ours and future FF-UN candidate) isn't featured on it. I told her that it is indeed a shame (he easily has the 2nd most screen time after Cheadle) but is not surprising at all given that even I (a "name that actor/movie" geek) couldn't even recall his name prior to looking it up, and I really like the guy. Perhaps he'll get some love in his native France when it opens there.

* Also, Mrs. Fletch had an idea for an additional rating system here, and if it will do any service to others out there with motion sickness, I'm all for helping. Thus, I present you with The Dramamine Scale, to be given in terms of the number of Dramamine that people who hated The Blair Witch Project for fear of vomit might want to take prior to seeing a given film (either zero, one or two pills). Due to a fair share of shaky cam but more so because of the film's tightly shot style, Traitor receives TWO PILLS on the Dramamine Scale.

And then...

Fletch's Mini Film Review: Tropic Thunder

Using the "Mini Film Review" designation this time as a mask and as a way of saying "here are some totally unstructured, poorly tied-together thoughts on Tropic Thunder." Hooray disorganization (double hooray made up words)!

* First of all - seeing Tom Cruise having fun and turning off the intense-o-meter is a welcoming, funny change. Whether or not the role itself would be half as funny without Cruise, I leave for you to decide. One thing that was decidedly unfunny, though, was the "wild and carazy" love of hip-hop and dancing. Less offensive than just plain lazy, it showed a real weakness in the film's writing, where it was otherwise strong.

* With that said, of course I found Matthew McConnaghey's role to be much more of a career booster and more interesting than Cruise's. It wasn't zany and didn't require that he wear a fat suit, but for a guy that has (despite being talented) become more or less a joke in recent years, it showed that he too could make fun of himself. Though I was shocked at the size of his role; what I thought was a cameo was more of a supporting role.

* It's too easy to congratulate Robert Downey, Jr. on his tour-de-force performance and to deride Jack Black (and the writers) for his one-note tune as a heroin-addicted funny man, but what I was wondering was whether or not Black's character hit a little too close to home for Downey. I imagine it didn't too much, as Downey has been supposedly clean for a few years now, but certainly if had to cross someone's mind at some point.

* That said, one of the best things about the film is Jackson's character, Alpa Chino, if for no other reason than the existence of such a fictional character may spare us from a real-life rapper with that (inspired but) obnoxious name. I'm beyond appreciative. (If you're somehow unaware of the connection between Alpa Chino and real-life rappers, go here.)

* Regarding the lack of females and the relatively small usage of Brandon Jackson (the lone true black character), I've seen some discussion that excuses Stiller and gang. Some have even gone so far as to say that, in the spirit of this Hollywood send-up, Stiller was cognizant of this fact and purposefully underused Jackson and didn't feature women as a way of spotlighting the problem of a lack of female and minority characters in Hollywood.

What an absolutely brilliant piece of bullsh*t. I think Stiller's a bright guy and all, but he's not that many steps ahead of the curve. A joke of a theory, but I love the way that it both excuses and congratulates the filmmakers for doing the same old thing. Genius.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"It's in the hole!"

And then...

A different kind of poster quiz... (Stained Glass Cinema #1)

At the risk of becoming too "quizy," I'm trying this out. Can you guess the movie?

























If no one can get it with this effect, I'll update this post with the same poster and a different effect. Thanks to Mrs. Fletch and her mad Photoshop skillz for the assist.

And then...

Poll results; new polls

Where the hell were you, Gary Oldman Fan Club? What about you, Ralph Fiennes Message Board?

You two groups, along with any other fan site not including Vincent D'Onofrio's, really sh*t the bed this time out, with Private Pyle's devoted fans leaving this poll a rout. In other news, it sucks to be Tim Curry, the only participant with nary a vote cast in his honor. Never forget Home Alone 2, my friends...never forget.



















This time around, I give you not one but two meta polls. Tell me - what are you favorite and least favorite features here. Of course, I haven't given you the options for "I love them all!" or "I hate them all!," as I'm just assuming that everyone is thinking the former and wouldn't dare utter the latter.

One choice not in the polls...The Great Movie Poster Piece Contest. What are you waiting for? Don't tell me I made it so hard that you're afraid of it...you wouldn't want me to have to break out the GOB Chicken Dance clip again, would you?

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Man on Wire

After seeing Man on Wire, I find myself thinking it somewhat ironic (like rain on your wedding day, of course) that this summer has been dominated mostly by two "superhero" films - Iron Man and The Dark Knight. As it turns out, there's a nonfiction superhero movie, and it's playing right now at your local indie theater.

Like all superheroes, Phillippe Petit has his flaws. Just as Batman and Spider-Man found themselves in the difficult position of pushing their loved ones away at the expense of their "duty," so too did Petit. Though his is not so much a duty as an obsession (a duty in his eyes, no doubt), the French funambulist saw news of the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center being built in the late 60s and knew immediately that his destiny was to tightrope between them. Just as the comic book heroes battles' and secret identities cost them friendships and lovers lost, so too did Petit's fantastic dreams.

Having already walked between the modest "towers" of Notre Dame in Paris and the Sydney Harbour Bridge in Australia, Petit was no stranger to public displays of his craft, nor to the disapproving eye of the local police forces, but that was no deterrent. Playing to this point, director James Marsh wisely unfolds the story as if this were Inside Man 2.0, once again with no money being taken. Petit and several others recount the job in intricate detail, from inspiration to planning to execution, with recreated scenes of the act taking place and flashbacks to earlier points in the timeline. The amount of drama that Marsh creates is all the more impressive, considering the fact that the interviews with a present-day Petit and the shot on the poster more than give the ending away to those that might be in the dark in regards to the outcome.

Superior storytelling aside, I found myself in awe (and nearly in tears) at the beauty and spectacle of Petit's feats, though he's nearly just as impressive from 20 feet off the ground as he is from 1,350. As someone not yet born at the time of his highwire hijinks (and as someone mostly unfamiliar with funambulism in general), I was in awe of his skills. Petit does not just walk across a wire, he owns it, traipsing back and forth, juggling - I'd tell you more, but it really must be seen to do it justice. Throw in the insane heights and the lack of any safety nets, and you'll truly see what his superpowers are.

Man on Wire is filmmaking at its best. An excellent soundtrack (specifically the use of Satie's "Gymnopedie"), a charismatic star, quirky role players and the story of an ordinary man doing extraordinary things combine to form a film that doesn't just inspire (a word thrown around too easily) but will significantly affect you. On too many occasions, I found myself not only emotionally hit watching Petit perform, but left looking like a mouth-breather, chin dropped and blissfully idiotic.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"You're the best...around!"

And then...

TGITDNMAR (8/22/08)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Your resident pessimist has some bad news yet again: this is the worst weekend for new, wide releases that you will see in 2008. I know, I know - I've probably said the same thing about 30 times this year already, but I take it all back. The combined percentage below for all four movies isn't likely to top 100%, that's how bad it is. The lone release that's halfway appealing is Hamlet 2, but it's a limited release.

Might I suggest catching up on some lesser-known flicks released earlier this summer? Personally, I'm ready to see Vicky Christina Barcelona, thanks largely to a number of good reviews, and the same could be said for Man on Wire, also receiving excellent word of mouth. And maybe, just maybe, Tell No One will hit Phoenix this week...

Death Race
For exhibits A-Z in the argument for shorter trailers, see the one for Death Race, which assumes everyone has seen the original and offers no apologies for telling you the entire movie in the span of two minutes. Sure, Ian McShane's great, as is Joan Allen, but they are slumming with a capital S, and Statham's appeal is quickly, sadly vanishing. Sure, The Bank Job was decent, but it's hard to forget crap like this and that In the Name of the King or whatever it was called that came out earlier this year. And let's not forget that the third Transporter (maybe time for a new career, Mr. Transporter?) is coming soon.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%, or equal to the percentage for the next movie.

The House Bunny
Revenge of the Nerds was on TV last night. And seeing Anthony Edwards' girlfriend in it, the one with glasses larger than even Nicole Richie would dare to wear, was a painful reminder of the preview for this Anna (which I just learned is pronounced Ah-na) Faris vehicle.

Emma Stone, so appealing in Superbad gets stuck with the sad, She's All That cliched character, playing one of the "ugly" sorority girls that Faris' Bunny cleans up, getting rid of those frumpy glasses (and probably bleaching some hair) en route to making the notties hotties. Lame.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%, or equal to the percentage for the next movie.

The Longshots
I just learned that there's an actor appearing in The Longshots named Earthquake. Brilliant. That almost made me forget that Ice Cube hasn't made a decent flick in at least five years and that Fred Durst is directing.

But seriously, I don't really care about Durst directing. See the man's work before shooting him down. Longshots doesn't look bad so much as it looks just so done before. I'm sure it's inspiring and cute and all that, but it just ain't my bag.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%, or equal to the percentage of the two previous movies.

The Rocker
There's a reason they've got Rainn Wilson in some too-tight briefs and shirtless on that poster to your right. It's disturbing. See below.

Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 10%, or equal to about how good this is in comparison to either School of Rock or Superbad, the two movies it keeps getting compared to.

See the guy on the right here? (next)























He's got a damn claw! Creepy!





















(Yes, I know he doesn't really have a claw. Still, when I saw the poster, I got freaked out for a bit. Just play along and make me feel better, ok?)

Oh, and don't forget - because I won't let you - The Great Movie Poster Piece Contest is going on now! Click on the image in the top right corner for more details. Win prizes! Impress the neighborhood children and random strangers at the supermarket! Mock your dog's inability to get more than 3 correct!

And then...

Just 15 Days!

Turns out Nic Cage's hair looks so good in Bangkok Dangerous (hitting theaters September 5th!) that he's getting some endorsements out of it. Way to go, Nic!

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: The Dark Knight

Let's see...it's the number two film of all time at the box office, every film critic and/or movie blogger in the world has written not just one but probably multiple things about it, I've seen it twice (opening night and again a week later)...and yet here it is a month later and I've yet to write a word about The Dark Knight.

Unfortunately, I don't see myself coming up with anything brilliant and/or new to say about the film in the coming days, and I'm sick of seeing this post in draft mode, so what you see is what you get.

Here is one reactionary comment, though: immediately upon the film's release, a number of people wondered aloud about its PG-13 rating, wanting to know how a film so violent could not be rated R (if not worse). I'm not sure if I saw the same movie as them. Outside of a gory (non-violent) half-face and a bunch of action that falls in line with other films with the same rating, the only scenes that really stood out for people were a) when the Joker hands a few thugs a broken pool cue and tells them more or less to fight to the death (an outcome of which we don't see a lick of) and b) the infamous pencil-to-the-brain move, a brilliantly shot and edited piece of violence that happens so fast, the audience barely has time to register what has occurred before putting their hand to their mouth and squealing "Oohhhh!!"

Was this a shocking move? Sure, and it's kind of unpleasant to think about as well - even more so had we been shown more. But, first of all, we weren't, and second, if you sit back for a minute and think about it, is there really any difference between a pencil to the brain and a bullet to the brain, which is something that any casual viewer of action/crime films has most likely seen a number of times? If anything, this is a testimonial to how benign violence with a gun has become to us in film. But surely we aren't so hypocritical to think that one method of killing a person is groovy while another is a moral outrage, are we?

Shockingly, I agree with just about everyone that the film is great. My only big gripes were with the length (broken record time: I don't care how good a movie is, an action flick should never be 150 minutes long. Ever.), as the plot was tailor made to be split in two (though Ledger's death would have shot that plan to hell, anyhow) and with the lack of screen time for the great William Fichtner, given but a minute of screen time in the memorable opening. Lesser gripes are to be found, as are lavish praise, but you've heard all that before.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"You're the best...around!"

And then...

The Great Movie Poster Piece Contest!

Does this picture mean anything to you?














If it does at all, it's time for you to enter The Great Movie Poster Piece Contest! Above are pieces of 16 movie posters (some ridiculously easy, some ridiculously hard) - all you have to do is correctly guess the most and you can win a $25.00 gift card to Applebee's! Do you have what it takes? Go here and submit your entry now!

Also, as an incentive to help publicize this contest, for every 50 entries received, a DVD from the mystery pile will be thrown in (could be Ocean's Eleven, could be Logan's Run) to the winner. So, if there are 160 entries, that's the gift card plus 3 DVDs. So tell a friend!

Here's the fine print:
* One entry per person.
* Contest ends 9/7/08.
* In the event of a tie, I will submit a second, smaller quiz to the persons tied. In the event of a second tie, I will use this site to randomly draw straws to select the winner. The short straw wins.
* Mrs. Fletch is not eligible as she already knows all the answers.
* I doubt this will be necessary, but I'm capping the mystery DVDs at 7. If, by some freak chance, I get 1,000 entries, I don't have 20 DVDs to give away. :)
* If any answers are given here, the prizes go away and this all becomes just for fun. Or rather, no fun. Please don't be That Guy or Gal.

The link again: http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/353562

And then...

Honor your civic duty!

Do you root for the underdog*? Do you like it when some scrappy competitor overcomes insurmountable odds to defeat a vile enemy? When the Giants beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl or the US defeated the USSR in Olympic hockey all those years ago?

Well, I've got a doozy for you. As you may know, I've taken part in the LAMB's Action Hero contest - the question being "Which would you rather have as your roommate?" So, we picked a character, wrote some short essays pleading our cases and yadayadayada, my main man Iron Man has made the finals...

...unfortunately, I'm now going up against Lara Croft of Tomb Raider fame. And the LAMB has a mostly male demographic. Talk about an uphill climb.

I need YOU to go here now (voting lasts for just three days) and vote for Iron Man. I'm counting on you all.


* Let's all just forget that I beat the actual Underdog in the first round of this event. :)

And then...

Feel feel feel feel feel....feel my heat!

I have returned from the cool pines of northeast Arizona to the sweltering heat of Phoenix, but I brought some pictures to show the class. Mrs. Fletch and I spent the weekend with some friends of ours at lovely Hannagan Meadow, 22 miles south of Alpine, Arizona. We got hailed upon (we were in a car thankfully), went horseback riding, and spent much time on the porch of the lodge, kicking back and enjoying the cool weather, the company and the gorgeous views. So, enjoy the pics (click to enlarge any)...regular programming resumes tomorrow.

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Henry Poole Is Here

By the time you read this, Mrs. Fletch and I will have long since forgotten what it was about. We saw the film in early April after we obtained tickets to a focus group screening. If you haven't attended one, it's basically the same as any other old screening, except that you are asked to fill out a questionnaire at the end ("Please, be brutally honest") and a few folks get to stick around to be part of the intense focus groups as part of a Q & A session.

We weren't part of that lucky group (unlucky?), but I've been there before. Years ago, I got to be a part of that group for The Fifth Element (I told them that it was too slapsticky, amongst other things; they obviously didn't listen), and not too long ago, Mrs. Fletch and I were a part of one for Spanglish (ugh). For Henry Poole though, we just watched, wrote and left, and as it stated on the ticket prior to entry, anyone "involved with" movie news and/or reviews was not welcome. Since Movie Reviewing and I are casually dating, I had to lie and say that I wasn't, and to keep up my part of the bargain, I've held this post as a draft for the past four months.

Well, the film has now been released to the general public, so I've kept my end of the deal. In fitting with the theme of the screening, in which I had to fill out a questionnaire afterwards that was essentially a review at the USA Today reading level, I figure I might as well try to re-create it here (pardon me if my memory fails me).

1. Based on the scale below, how would you rate Henry Poole Is Here?
□ Excellent
□ Very Good
□ Good
■ Fair
□ Bad

2. Would you recommend this film to a friend?
□ Definitely!
□ Yeah, probably
■ Probably not
□ No way!

3. Which of the following films have you seen in the theater?
□ The Family Stone
■ Waitress
■ Lars and the Real Girl
■ Death at a Funeral
■ Definitely, Maybe
(you get the picture)

4. How many films have you seen in the theater in the last two months?
10

(memory fading...)

5. Name three things you liked about the movie:
* The beginning
* The scene with Luke Wilson and Cheryl Hines
* George Lopez

6. Name three things you didn't like about the movie:
* The way the ending tied everything up into a neat little bow
* The song that played during the final scenes
* How obvious some of the "twists" were, even for this reviewer that is terrible at such things.

--------------------------

Unfortunately, what you see above is all that I wrote about Henry Poole just days after seeing it. Now, here it is four months later, and I can't recall much else to say. Time is a cruel bitch to this reviewer's memory, especially when it comes to movies that I'm mostly ambivalent about. Let's just say that looking back on what I said above, my overall rating might be a tad harsh - it probably should fall somewhere between "Fair" and "Good." I guess I placed it in the "Fair" category thinking that putting "Good" would contradict the answer to the second question.

If you like indie dramadies with messages of hope (and Luke Wilson), check it out. If none of that sounds appealing, then be a jerk and go give George Lucas your money.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."

And then...

TGITDNMAR (8/15/08)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

No TGITDNMAR last week and now an abbreviated version this week? What the hell, Fletch, really?

Well, I'm headed to the cool mountains of northeastern Arizona in just a few hours (I'll be gone by the time this is posted) and the poll below is taking precedent. Take what you can get and hope for better next week.

Tropic Thunder
I'm dying to see Simple Jack. I'm ready to see Downey. Count me in - this should be crazy retarded.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 90%

Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Resist the urge to give Lucas your money. He has enough, and it ain't like these Star Wars flicks are getting any better.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%

Mirrors
Don't know much about it...don't care to know much about it. Kiefer. Horror remake. Really, when's the last time you remember reading a review of a horror flick here?
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%

Henry Poole is Here
Saw this already. (Bad) review coming later this weekend. As I neglected to mention in it, the nanny from Babel co-stars here, and is pretty funny.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: Uh, I guess 100%

Vicky Christina Barcelona
If Cassandra's Dream or Scoop were any indication of future films from the Wood-man, I won't feel bad about missing this or just about any others to come. Though Colin Farrell was pretty good in Cassandra, and Javier Bardem is featured here, which might be reason enough to try it out...
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 30%

And then...

And now...a very special episode of New Poll

I'm headed out of town tomorrow for the weekend, so I'm calling the fight early for the latest poll. In what I consider to be a shocking upset victory, Bill Lumbergh is the boss you'd least like to work for. Sure, I can see that - working weekends and having your Swingline taken away is way worse than having a sadomasochist or a notorious ball buster. Priorities!

That said, Office Space is my favorite of the boss' films, so I can kind of understand Lumbergh's winning.



















For our next poll, the Nic Cage invasion of Blog Cabins continues. Nic (aka my buddy Alex) and I were talking about movies one day at lunch (every lunch = talk about movies, as if that's a surprise) and Alex probably brought up Sean Bean, seeing as how he has a crush on him (his cubicle is plastered with pictures of Bean from LOTR). From there, we got on the subject of actors that have made great villains over the years. One thing led to another, and then I had pics of Bean all over my cube we figured that the topic would make for a great poll. Since I'm a busy man and he's passionate about his villains, I tasked him with narrowing down the list and providing me beautiful artwork. And thus he has. The choices, with a select few of their villainous roles listed, are below. The poll is up and in the sidebar as usual.
















1. Ralph Fiennes - Amon Goeth (Schindler's List), Francis Dolarhyde (Red Dragon), Lord Voldemort (Harry Potter)
2. Clancy Brown - The Kurgen (Highlander), Steve (Shoot to Kill), Brother Justin (Carnivale)
3. Gary Oldman - Drexl Spivey (True Romance) , Stansfield (Leon), Dracula (Bram Stoker's Dracula)
4. Daniel Day-Lewis - Bill "The Butcher" Cutting (Gangs of New York), Daniel Plainview (There Will Be Blood)
















5. Vincent D'Onofrio - Edgar (Men In Black), Private Pyle (Full Metal Jacket), Carl Stargher (The Cell)
6. Jason Isaacs - Col. William Tavington (The Patriot), Lucius Malfoy (Harry Potter), Captain Hook (Peter Pan)
7. Sean Bean - Sean Miller (Patriot Games), Alec Trevelyan (Golden Eye), John Ryder (The Hitcher)
8. Tim Curry - The Lord of Darkness (Legend), Pennywise (Stephen King's It), Dr. Frank-N-Furter (The Rocky Horror Picture Show)

Much thanks to Alex for his work on this. And oh yeah...I was joking about the Sean Bean pics in his cube. They're actually of Sam and Frodo.

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Pineapple Express

It's serendipitous that Step Brothers and Pineapple Express were released mere weeks apart. Aside from both being branded by the A-word (rhymes with Slapatow), both star a pair of adults playing "man-children."

Oh wait - that part is nothing new to the Apatuniverse - they've existed all along. What really groups these two together is that in each we are shown a pair of men who are all too similar, but who aren't friends at the beginning for one reason or another. However, where Brothers was happy with pushing through the emotional connection that the brothers made with light speed ("You like these things? Me too! Let's be best friends now!"), Pineapple shows us the complexity that takes a casual business relationship (James Franco's dealer:Seth Rogen's user) and turns it into the all-too cliched "bromance."

Rogen's Dale Denton has never liked the thought of "drug dealer as friend," and it's hard not to blame him. As Go pointed out years before, there are several intricacies to the dealer-user arrangement. Though, whereas Go's resident dealer Todd (Timothy Olyphant) was a no-nonsense, no b.s. businessman, complete with a hard edge, Franco's Saul is the happy-go-lucky type, and we are shown through his dealings with another customer that he sees Dale differently than the rest of them. They are annoying "lingerers" that he sells his schwag to; Dale is the guy he pleads to stay and watch some TV while smoking his Grade A weed, none other than the titular Pineapple Express (a scene that feels a bit like Pulp Fiction's transaction between John Travolta and Eric Stolz).

Dale's interested in the primo marijuana but still hesitant to hang with Saul, who appears as little more than an airhead but is actually much craftier and deeper than we're first led to believe. Dale, a process server (hooray for the Fletch homage), wants to get his work done for the day, which entails delivering a subpoena to Gary Cole's gangster (the flattest character in the film). The rest you've no doubt seen in the trailer: Dale witnesses a murder, and he and Saul end up on the run from Cole and a crooked cop (Rosie Perez; installed seemingly just to up the estrogen count and feeling out of place), amongst others.

But a funny thing happens on the way to the pot farm: Dale realizes that Saul is his best friend, and the two share many touching, if goofy, scenes. Sure, they yell at each other a lot in between tokes, but they also look out for each other, bond over juice boxes and of course, get high a lot. A scene with the two frolicking (yes, frolicking) in a forest may fit in better with director David Gordon Green's earlier work, but feels wildly out of place in Pineapple. Or at least, it does at first, but by the time Saul tells Dale how he feels about him ("They say don't dip the pen in company ink. I'm totally glad I dipped my pen in your ink, bro"), two things become clear: first, that the scene is perfect, and second, that Mrs. Fletch wants a t-shirt that says "I'm totally glad I dipped my pen in your ink."

It's not all pixies and fairy dust, though. The third act, which is heavy on action and lighter on dialogue, is laborious and slow. It all starts to feel a bit like Dude, Where's My Car?, with the convergence of the collected parties (Dale and Saul, Ted and his henchpeople, an Asian mob) all coming together for a deadly, and gruesome, showdown.

If there's a saving grace, it's the work of a few other Apatow vets, FF-UN Kevin Corrigan (Superbad), scene-stealing Craig Robinson (the bouncer from Knocked Up) and the consistent work of Franco, who, with his Pitt/True Romance homage, has crafted one of the most three-dimensional "stoner" characters I've seen, and despite being one of the two leads, manages to steal every scene he's in. While Green cut to scenes of Cole and Perez devising their plans, I was waiting for more Saul, and damned if I don't think he's as important to Express as Ledger is to The Dark Knight. If, for no other reason, see it for him...well, and the chance to see him sell pot to junior high kids. How many movies can get away with that?

Fletch's Film Rating:

"It's in the darn tootin hole!"

And then...

That's right...I'm Guilty.

What the hell is wrong with people? What about the term "guilty pleasure" do they not understand? In doing research for this post, which will be featured in Invasion of the B Movies' Guilty Pleasures Blog-a-thon, I kept finding examples of guilty pleasures listed by denizens of the interwebs that couldn't (or at least shouldn't) be declared guilty pleasures by anyone. One listed The Goonies and Easy Rider, amongst other films that would qualify (K-9, Police Academy 3).

However, the worst offender was this list from "Unspun by Amazon" (whatever that is), which lists Titanic as number one of a neverending list of g.p.'s. Now, I can understand some homophobic males feeling shame at their love of this sap fest, but it's the number one box office hit of all time! Winner of 73 Academy Awards! It shouldn't be anywhere near a guilty pleasure list, much less topping it. Worse yet was seeing The Princess Bride come in at number twelve. Inconceivable!!

Folks, guilty pleasures are supposed to be bad movies and/or ones so embarrassing that you're ashamed to admit your love for them. This article from MSNBC (which features a number of fine choices) defines a g.p. as such:

"1) If it comes on cable do you sit down and watch the entire film even though you've already seen it 20 times? 2) Do you watch it even though you also own it on DVD or video?) And finally, would you ever admit to anyone that this film is one of your favorite movies? If the answers are, respectively, yes, yes and no, well then you've found your guilty pleasure flick."

Wikipedia declares a g.p. as "something one considers pleasurable despite feeling guilt for enjoying it. Guilty pleasures can also be bad for you and ruin people if other people found out about it."

And finally, probably the most succinct definition, courtesy of one of my favorite writers, Chuck Klosterman: "A guilty pleasure is something I pretend to like ironically, but in truth is something I really just like."

Anyway, here are my Top 10 Guilty Pleasure Movies (in no particular order):

Road House - The hair. The yoga. The Double friggin' Duece. And Sam Elliott saying "'Migo" every five minutes.

Teen Wolf - Given ample love in this space many a time before.

The Karate Kid - No, inclusion of this and the previous two movies does not make me a Bill Simmons clone. Just because he writes for ESPN doesn't mean he gets to own the love for these movies. He can have The White Shadow, though.

Aspen Extreme - Just about any movie that can be summed up as "Top Gun on/in the __," as in "Aspen Extreme is awesome! It's Top Gun on the ski slopes!" is a movie I'm likely to love. If you're asking why Top Gun isn't in this Top 10 list, please re-read the first few paragraphs (and how dare you for thinking that).

Demolition Man - I can not tell a lie: this is one of my favorite Stallone flicks. I'm a sucker for glimpses into the future anyway, but when they include lines like "All restaurants are Taco Bell" and sequences that the three seashells bring, I'm just plain gung ho for it.

Billy Madison - Now, there's probably a group of you screaming about how this too shouldn't be a guilty pleasure. Well, maybe you're right, but it does rank amongst the dumbest Sandler flicks out there. Awesome, but dumb. It's the Mallrats of Sandler's career.

Bloodsport - Also covered here (and in the comments' section of a number of other sites) ad nauseum.

Double Impact - Two JCVD flicks? You're damn straight. One for each twin.

Crocodile Dundee - I hesitate to put this here, as I do think it's a well-made movie and is largely entertaining. The thing is...it's aged about as well as a meth head. Love that alphabet dress, though...

Hudson Hawk - The Bruce Willis-Danny Aiello crime caper earned universal scorn upon its release, but it's a much better film than you think. Yea, it's silly and kind of dumb, but it also has a touch of class, a deep cast (James Coburn! David Caruso! Andie MacDowell! Sandra Bernhardt?!? Okay, forget the last one) and some great tunes.

Barely missing the cut: Last Action Hero, Varsity Blues.

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: American Teen

"I do want as many people to see it as possible," Burstein said, "and I'm not approaching it with as much of a political agenda as more of an anthropological one. And I want to entertain people, I want to move them in the same way a fiction film would."

That quote is from American Teen director Nanette Burnstein in a July 23 interview with the L.A. Times. It's funny that she says that, because that lack of an agenda, or really, of any story to tell, was what struck me the most about Teen. You might be saying, "that's exactly the point of a documentary" - to not have a story, but these days, it's hard to think of any documentary that doesn't either have a hard-line angle or agenda (Michael Moore) or at least document a specific event or set of events.

American Teen merely documents. The premise? To follow around a group of five (really four, but more on that later) archetypal high school students - the poster says it all - for their senior year. And so the film flutters about from one to the next as the days and weeks go by, slowly peeling away the layers of each's personality. There's no underlying goal for the film - merely to go where the kids lead it.

The L.A. Times article centers mostly on claims that American Teen was staged or "about Burstein's uncanny ability to have her crews in just the right spots," but such conspiracy theories ring pretty hollow, as the film show's, if nothing else, how normal (and arguably boring) these kids are. That's not necessarily a strike against them so much as it's a validation of Burnstein's response that the film is indeed true; after all, these kids aren't turning tricks or doing meth - arguably, the biggest trouble any gets in is when "Rebel" Hannah misses so much school that she might be forced to repeat her senior year. The horror!

If there is any place for an angle to be found, it's that the film, set in rural Indiana (population ~13,000) centers on and identifies most strongly with Hannah, describes herself as a "liberal in a conservative town." Dying to move out of the Midwest and off to San Francisco, which she knows nothing about other than the fact that it's got to be better than where she currently is, Hannah is the self-proclaimed oddball of the film (and her high school). I can't help but wonder if Burnstein saw perhaps a bit too much of herself in Hannah, who is, amongst other things, an aspiring filmmaker. In and of itself, this is a relatively minor bias even if it is true, but it's one that warrants mentioning nonetheless.

My bigger gripe with the film is even more trivial. As you can clearly see in the poster or in any other marketing material for the film, there are five students touted as the "stars:" the aforementioned Rebel Hannah, Princess Megan, Athlete Colin, Hunk Mitch and Geek Jake. However, one gets the feeling that Paramount Vantage really really wanted a little bit o' beefcake to help sell the film, as Hunky Mitch is really a fifth wheel (if that), with the film never telling his story when it's not peripheral to the other stars.

As I said, though, that's small potatoes. Overall, American Teen shows us that, more than anything else, the kids are alright - at least the kids in a small, Midwestern town trying to find their way through the perils of high school and into college. But if they get out of line, they shouldn't hesitate for one second to bring in this guy:
















Fletch's Film Rating:

"Darn tootin!"


Some final unrelated thoughts:

* While Megan (the princess) is undoubtedly cast as the villain of the film, the shocking part was that her parents seem to be the most well-adjusted of all the parents that we really get to meet. Hannah's relationship with her manic depressive mother and absentee (?) father is headed towards estrangement, if it isn't already there, and Colin's father, though possibly well intentioned, fails to care much what his son wants ("College or Army - that's it!" Has no one ever heard of community college in Warsaw, Indiana?). (We only see Jake's mother, and briefly at that, so no judgement can be rendered.)

* Speaking of Jake, I was expecting to root for the geeky underdog after reading a bit about the film, but he makes it really, really hard to do so. It's one thing to be the geek who wants girls; it's another to be a self-esteemless geek with a bad hairdo and a worse personality. There is almost nothing about Jake that is appealing outside of the slightest hint of a dry sense of humor. Here's hoping that college lightens him up, gives him some confidence and makes him a more interesting person.

* Hannah is undoubtedly the most appealing student featured, but damned if she doesn't kill some of that appeal with her post-breakup depression fit. Also not helping: her aforementioned parents and grandmother (that she lives with). How they could allow a high school senior to miss what appears to be two weeks of school over a breakup is beyond me. To make matters worse, Hannah feels worse about returning to school the longer she is out. Um, she should have been tossed back into school after a day, if that - coddling (and enabling) at its worst.

And then...

Hype I just don't get: Quantum of Solace

I need help. Someone, somewhere, please explain to me what was so different, refreshing and better about Casino Royale? All it took was for a filmmaker to drop John Cleese, stupid gadgets and a brunette Bond for the world to go gaga for this "new" Bond?

Was I the only one that thought Royale played out just like every other Bond film that came before it? Takes itself too seriously? Check. Accented villain of undetermined nationality? Check. Overly long, ridiculous action sequences? Check.

To be honest, my opinion of that film would have gone up about three shades had they merely cut the final 30 minutes from it. The sinking house gave me a sinking feeling, and after 144 minutes in the theater, my butt was already sunk too far into my seat.

Now comes a new Bond film for everyone to drop their jaws for. It comes complete with a sad Bond hell bent on revenge and quite possibly the worst title in film history (and yes, I do know what it means, though for the longest time I said "Solace" but thought "Solstice," which wasn't helping). Nevertheless my quantum of solace for this movie is 0.

And if you haven't looked up the title yet, that pretty much means I have no love for it. Can't I just play some more GoldenEye on N64?

And then...

Movies I Was Told To Watch - Brotherhood of the Wolf

New feature time. This one's pretty self-explanatory. Whether it be a recommendation from a family member, friend or fellow blogger, I'm told all the time (as I'm sure you are, too) that "you really ought/need/HAVE to see (fill in the blank flick). So, after I watch it, I'll post a few words about it here; most likely just enough to give my impression, whether it was worth the recommendation, and maybe the "record" of the recommendor (as in, "Almost every movie my buddy Frienddude tells me to see has been great. His record is 10-3.").

In other words, this is an excuse for me write a little something about non-theatrical movies that I don't normally write about. First up...

Film: The Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le Pacte des loups)

Recommendor: Alex, friend (aka commenter Nic Cage)

Thoughts: This 2001 French action pic (who knew there was such a thing?) feels like a strange-yet-interesting mix of The Village, Gladiator, and Last of the Mohicans. Samuel Le Bihan stars as Grégoire de Fronsac, a gardener - taxidermist - philosopher - all-around badass who ventures from Paris to a remote province to investigate a number of killings of the locals by a mysterious beast.

Legend, myth and hyperbole lead Fronsac and his Iriquois "brother"(Mark Dacascos, awesome)in a long quest to learn just what is this crazy, deadly beast, falling in love along the way. Monica Belucci and real-life husband Vincent Cassel co-star.

Brotherhood starts off well. The rogueish LeBihan (kind of a mix between Christopher Lambert and Thomas Jane) and his companion arrive on horseback to witness an elderly man and his daughter being beaten by a group of ruffians that we don't quite know yet. In the pouring rain (explaining the odd look they sport above) and in an open field now filled with puddles of mud (note: not the crappy band), Dacascos' Mani slowly descends from his horse and engages the scoundrels. Despite roughly 6-to-1 odds, Mani makes quick work of them using a hybrid of fighting techniques (some of it reminds me of Steven Seagal and his "using the opponents' energy against them" stlye called "whatever it's called"). Through this action sequence and the film's others, director Christophe Gans is wise and kind to his audience by backing the camera up enough so that we can see what's going on. Thanks bunches, Christophe.

Despite the excellent action and beautiful cinematography, the film lost me about 2/3 though, as the "big twist" turned out to be "blatantly obvious." Considering my track record with twists and turns (I'm not horrible at guessing, but I'm not great, either), the fact that it was SCREAMING its twist here is bad news.

However, that didn't take away all the joy. Still a good flick. Fans of action, French films, Monica Belucci's bust or scary beasts could all do much worse.

Recommendor Rating (Listen/Ignore): Listen (Alex's overall rating: 1-0)

Fletch's Film Rating:

"Darn tootin!"

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Swing Vote

Just what is Swing Vote? Is it a satire on the election process and depths that presidential candidates will plunge to in order to win? Is it a character study of a New Mexican loser? Or it it a Capra-esque sap fest about the importance of the little man, giving us all an "I'm important, too!" ego boost?

As you might expect, it's kind of all of those things, bouncing merrily from one to the next, being marginally successful at all of them while never excelling (for extended stretches) at any of them.

Star Kevin Costner is right at home in the role of Earnest "Bud" Johnson, a small town New Mexican man that enjoys his Buds, fishing and NASCAR. Those who think they saw grown-up children in Step Brothers in the faces of Ferrell and Reilly will get a taste of a more real thing in Swing Vote, seeing the forty-something, divorced Bud get parented by his tween daughter Molly (Madeline Carroll, channeling not Ellen Page as so many have said, but Jena Malone) as he stumbles from bed to whatever else in an apathetic, near-drunken stupor. Though Bud loves his daughter, he never really shows that he cares about anyone other than himself.

That attitude carries into civics as well, of course. Molly, as it just so happens, is the polar opposite of Bud - she's whip smart and thinks of just about everyone but herself. But tending to her father night and day has taken a toll on her - she's his cook and alarm clock, amongst other things. When the time rolls around to vote, Molly really really really wants her father to take it seriously. Naturally, he doesn't. Very long story short - funky stuff happens and he becomes the deciding vote for the presidency.

All that setup out of the way, the movie jumps into a groove, bouncing back and forth between the two candidates - the Republican incumbent, a kind of much wiser G.W. Bush played by Kelsey Grammer and the Democratic challenger portrayed by Dennis Hopper, even given the subtle-as-a-backhand wink wink surname Greenleaf. Each also has a featured campaign manager, the former's being the underused Stanley Tucci and the latter's Nathan Lane (playing it super straight - I had the over for "number of screams" at three and would have lost easily as I didn't count a single shriek).

Most of the film's laughs come at the expense of the flip-flopping candidates, doing their best shucking and jiving to gain Bud's vote. Sacred cows are not only lampooned, but destroyed. A pro-gay rights Republican President? An anti-immigration and pro-life Democratic challenger? Anything goes as the two men, who are each so weak that they can't stand up to their managers, sell their souls and throw their respective parties under the bus until it's practically too late. Perhaps the best gags are the quickly-thrown-together campaign ads, directed only at Bud's hard-to-find moral compass, that demonstrate the flip-flops - Hopper's pro-life commercial is hilariously brilliant, and (neverminding the political view) I thought the immigration one was a well-made spot.

Unfortunately, it's around that same time that the film's main fault lies, as it tries too hard to find heroes and villains amongst its numerous cast members. The candidates? Sincere buffoons getting caught up in the hysteria and overrun by their campaigns - innocent victims of people around them that want to win more than they do. Campaign managers? Vindictive, anything-to-win narcissists (maybe this one's true). Molly? An angel. A reporter played by Paula Patton? Tempted by the dark side of fame, but the only adult that "cares" for Bud and Molly - by the time the credits rolled, I was sure the film was written and/or directed by a reporter/journalist, but it doesn't appear as though that's the case.

As for Bud, he's a fairly one-dimensional character. He floats along on his buzz for 5/6 of the film, never changing or growing one bit, and we're supposed to believe that in the span of one night, he sees the error in his ways, learns the importance of voting, becomes a better father, cures polio (again) and cancer, saves the whales and decides the presidency. Though, like Lions for Lambs, the film has a strong, clear, important message, and that's enough to forgive a few of the errors along the way.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"Darn tootin!"


Some final, unrelated thoughts:

* The soundtrack is full of some (still good) songs you might expect like Willie Nelson's "Always On My Mind" (Bud plays in a Willie tribute band) and The Marshall Tucker Band's "Can't You See," but also includes a terrific Moby B-side ("Flower") and a beautiful song from former Pink Floyd member David Gilmour ("Murder"). I was pleasantly surprised to hear both, as neither fits into the demographic of the film's characters or setting.

* We have a Judge Reinhold sighting! I've never understood why his career hit the brakes, and I don't think I'd seen him since a one-episode stint on Arrested Development (hosting a Judge Judy-like show - brilliant, of course), but he has a decent sized role here as one of Bud's eggery co-workers and friends.

And then...

Familiar Face - Unknown Name #8 - M.C. Gainey

Call them what you want - character actors, "That Guy(s)," scene stealers - I don't care. This is a regular feature where I spotlight one performer, whether they be longtime veterans like J.K. Simmons or Barry Corbin, or a fresher face just making their way up the stardom ranks. For previous FF-UNs, click here.

Today's Familiar Face-Unknown Name:

M.C. Gainey

Where You've Seen Him (high profile): Lost is definitely his highest profile gig. What started as a bit part (bearded and costumed) as Tom Friendly turned into a right-hand-man role to mastermind Ben Linus. Also, played Bill Paxton's bodyguard/friend in the much-maligned Club Dredd and appears to have had a decent role in Wild Hogs (which you ought to know I'll never see). Con Air.

Where You've Seen Him (not-so-high profile): It appears as though Gainey has made friends with Jay Chandrasekhar and the rest of the Super Troopers gang, having appeared not only in Dredd but also in Beerfest, in a short-yet-memorable role as a rogue priest and in the Chandrasekhar-directed The Dukes of Hazzard (as Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane, no less). Started his career working on numerous 80s TV shows in bit parts, from The A*Team to Happy Days to Simon and Simon.

Character Specialties: Bikers. Tough guys. Tough but nice guys. Tough yet deceivingly nice guys. Can you tell he's got a great smile and - no pun intended - friendly face? Love this quote by him (from IMDb):

"With a face like this, there aren't a lot of lawyers or priest roles coming my way. I've gotta face that was meant for a mug shot and that's what I've been doing for the past thirty years. If I play a cop, it's always a racist cop, or a trigger-happy cop or a crooked cop - but by and large I play cowboys, bikers, and convicts."

My favorite role: I'm really not that big a fan of the movie, and his role is pretty damn small, but I love seeing him in Beerfest. There he is - drinking, playing poker, threatening the life and/or testicles of one of the leads when, lo and behold, we learn that he's a priest and they're both late for the funeral that Gainey is administering. Short but sweet.

Little Known Facts: Ironic that he played Rosco in The Dukes of Hazzard, as he had a small role in a 1982 episode of the original show.

Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MC_Gainey
On IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0301370/

And then...

Imagining more sequels that...those no talent ass clowns had better not ever make

Usually in this space, I use my Hawking-like MS Paint skillz to mock a recent film that has no business ever even dreaming of the word "sequel" (Little Man, anyone?) or imagining a sequel to a film that, for whatever reason (genre, box office performance, common sense), would just never have one (Once, There Will Be Blood).

However, all the hype and subsequent letdown that was Crystal Skull, along with the latest talks of a Top Gun sequel, has me steaming. It's bad enough that John McClane was reduced to a family-friendly "Yippie Kay Yay Mother-BOOM!" - I don't know if I can stomach the thought of a group of 35-year old Goonies trolling about searching for the grave of Anne Ramsey while a 60-year old Joey Pants chases them. So, I present you with some sequels that, if the studio heads value their lives, better not happen. Ever. And if they do, I implore you to resist the temptation to fill their pockets - George Lucas already has enough money. A Star Wars: Stick Figures movie can't be that good.














































































































And finally, one movie that's been begging for a sequel for the past 22 years:




















Which potential sequels/remakes would kill a part of you?

And then...