TGITDNMAR (5/30/08)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Painfully bad as some entries from last year's summer season were (I'm looking at you, Spider-Man 3 and Pirates 3), there seemed to be a legitimate blockbuster that came out every week, from the two movies mentioned to Ratatouille to Shrek 3 to Transformers to Hot Fuzz and so on. This summer? Not so much. Iron Man and Indiana Jones have come, The Dark Knight hits in almost two months...and what's in between? The Incredible Hulk? Ugh. Get Smart? No high hopes there. Zohan or The Love Guru? People are shielding their eyes already. (Though I do hold out hope for Hancock.)

I thought 2007 was a great year for movies; to this point, I think 2008 has been pretty horrendous. It's so bad at the local indie theater that In Bruges was still playing there as recently as a few weeks ago. Don't get me wrong - I enjoyed the crime caper a lot, but it was released in February, for chrissakes!

The good news is that there are a number of indies that have hit theaters (in NY and LA, anyway) recently and some that are coming soon that sound promising, from Bigger, Stronger, Faster to Standard Operating Procedure to Mongol.

Let's hope there are more on the way.

Sex and the City
Sure, I watched the show a bit when it was on, but I just have zero interest in seeing this, and luckily, Mrs. Fletch never watched the show and has pretty much zero interest in "chick flicks" to begin with, so...negative ghost rider, the pattern is full.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 3%, or worse than the chance of me coming around to like Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

The Strangers
This might be a dark horse as a counterprogramming film going up against a rom-com and a pre-teen targeted actioned, but I can't say that my demographic will be there to help it out.

Didn't we just see this story a couple months ago? Aside from the masks and possibly some sadism, how is this different from Funny Games? Still, a pretty cool poster.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 8%, or equal to the chance that I'll ever forget about the animal cracker scene from Armageddon.

And then...

Blogger Bitching

Well, here's a winner of a post idea. It will either a) not appeal to you in the slightest or b) offend you in one way or another. Who knows, though, maybe there are some other options as well, like c) you'll agree and change your dastardly ways or d) you'll call me on my bullsh*t.

Anyway, the crux of this hinges on one simple fact: I visit a lot of blogs on a daily basis. Regardless of my LAMB shepherding, there are a number of sites that I enjoy reading frequently. I won't call out any specific names, but if some of these bitches apply to you, don't be too offended - just appease me and fix whatever the problem is.

Bitch #1 - Comments
Would it be too hard for you to have comment subscription? I'm fairly certain that it's an easy plug-in/option for all blog hosting services (it's ridiculously easy with Blogger; in fact, I don't even think it's a choice - it's automatic), and it's probably the central component in driving back return traffic. If I (or any other yahoo) care enough to leave a comment about how I loved or hated your review of Patch Adams, I probably care enough to hear your reply back.

Now, you might be saying to yourself, "Well, why don't you just visit the site in the next day or two?" To which I would say that "Yeah, I probably will," though in the midst of visiting 75 blogs today and leaving 15 comments, do you really want and/or expect me to keep track of every post that everyone writes, much less which ones I left comments on? And then I'm supposed to check back daily to see if you said "Thanks for the comment" or something, only you only log in once a week, so I have to check back six times just for those four words?

I think not. Just let me subscribe, goddamnit. Thanks.

Bitch #2 - More about comments...
Unless you get 1,000 spammers a day, please tell me why you have Comment Moderation and Word Verification and require my Social Security Number and Date of Birth to leave a friggin' comment. You get 15 visitors a day if you're lucky - are you really that much of a control freak? Are you that afraid that someone might disagree or say something disparaging to you? If so, maybe blogging isn't for you. Check out the responses to my IMDb Top 250 post from a couple months ago - I was called nothing short of the antichrist for daring to not love old movies. Flamers happen; embrace them for the humor they bring.

And besides, those word verifcation things are really a pain in the ass to read. I'd have better luck with some of them if they were in braille.

Bitch #3 - Greatest hits?
Again, unless you're a nationally syndicated columnist or get 1,000 unique visitors a day, who the hell are you to think that you're eligible to publish a "greatest hits" (aka recycling) post every now and then? Just because you're too lazy and/or uninspired to come up with some new material doesn't justify your rehashing some crappy post from a year ago and repurposing it as something new.

(Oh wait - maybe this one's just for me.)

Bitch #4 - RIP Dead People
Look, I understand that some of you aspire to run a "movie news" site, complete with 10 posts a day about who has inked a three-picture deal with Paramount and box office updates every 10 minutes. You all are excepted from this bitch.

No, this is intended more at the people like me who write mostly reviews and lists and such, yet feel that every time some actor drops dead that a post is warranted and/or needed to commemorate that person's career. Listen, I liked Sidney Pollack as much as the next guy (which is to say that I found him to be a capable director and an actor that constantly "classed up the joint"), but really, I'm not a friend or member of his family - who cares what I have to say about his passing.

Sure, the shocking death of someone like Heath Ledger (or River Phoenix) certainly might warrant some additional emotional outporing from those that don't typically cover "celebrity news" (births, deaths, marriages, etc.), but when a septugenarian (or older) dies, I'm not cold for saying that it's not news, so please don't treat it as such.

Bitch #5 - Diarrheadvertising
Your experience may be different from mine, or maybe your expectations are different. But really, unless you're making greater than $50/month (minimum) on your blogvertising, is it really worth it to make your site look like something out of NASCAR?

Sure, I've got a couple text link ads both here and at the LAMB, but I'd hardly say that they're eyesores. Really, it's a bit of a wonder that I've even kept them, considering that I've made less than $30.00 in probably more than a year, despite some super high-traffic days courtesy of IMDb.

Though maybe I'm just bad at attracting top-tier advertisers. Sure - that's it.

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Got a bitch of your own, for me or some other (non-specific) site? Put your complaining pants on and let me hear it.

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Just yesterday, prior to seeing Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I had a discussion with Anil Usumezbas of The Long Take regarding Spider-Man 3. Having just recently watched the final installment of that trilogy, he was a bit bewildered by the "hypocrisy surrounding the critics and fan circles regarding where they place [the] last chapter," going on to say that "isn’t it the same cheesy romance, one-dimensional drama, cartoonish characters, talentless Tobey Maguire and failed attempts to delve into the complexities of being a superhero?"

Though he too didn't care much for Spider-Man 3 (he gave it 5/10 stars; I gave it a "Whatever."), he certainly has a point. As much as I disliked the film, as bloated and dumb as it was, at its core it still shared the same elements of the first two films. It felt like its predecessors. The same can be said for the much maligned Matrix sequels; retarded as it was (I care not that it was intended) to have the series travel in a big circle, thus nullifying the entire point of watching the three films, I can't deny that the spirit and tone of the sequels was similar to the brilliant original (we'll all forget the "dancing orgy" scene, thank you very much).

You can probably see where I'm going with this. Ever since walking out of the theater last night, I've been in the midst of an internal struggle - a query that I can't stop asking: Have my childhood and teenage memories painted the picture of a movie series that in reality never existed? Was Indiana Jones really this stupid?

That's not to say that I can't attempt to answer that question. In fact, I'm pretty confident that the answers are "no" and "no." Looking back on the series, I see a first installment that won four Academy Awards, and was nominated for Best Picture. Temple of Doom was a step back, what with the munchkin sidekick, bug-eating stereotypes and "Willie," but had enough elements of the original to not let the audience lose faith in the character or the series. When Last Crusade was released in 1989, it was widely seen as a return to form, despite the comic levity and nostalgic nod to James Bond that Sean Connery brought to the series (we even forgave Spielberg and company for turning Denholm Elliot's Marcus Brody character into a cartoon buffoon).

A lot has happened in the 19 years between releases, though. Indiana has seen two full-fledged franchises pop up in his wake (The Mummy and National Treasure), each taking elements of the Jones series along with them. In fact, they've practically split the franchise as if it had been divorced from itself, with Brendan Fraser and gang getting the old world settings, physicality and creatures, and Nicolas Cage and Justin Bartha receiving the archaeological smarts and flair for solving puzzles (or booby traps). What neither series received, however, was any sense or danger or importance, instead subbing in lame one-liners and childish humor into the mix. Likewise, those elements slowly eroded in the Jones series since the first chapter, only to be blown to smithereens with Crystal Skull.

To be sure, there have been campy elements all along - it's hard to take too seriously (though I'll try) any series that features melting faces, heart rippers, multi-ton boulders and characters named Short Round. Yet when Toht popped up at Marion's bar seeking a medallion, he brought fear with him, as he did when he entered Belloq's tent in Egypt. When the Thugee high priest Mola Ram reached for Indy's heart, we all felt it, and we also felt for Indy when his father was shot in the Last Crusade. Those days are but a distant memory now, though, as we're left with a swordfight that could pass for an outtake from America's Funniest Home Videos and trips down waterfalls (plural) that leave nary a scratch on a single protagonist. At no point in time are we really ever concerned for the characters, and it's not like the actors are attempting to sell us on that, either, as we see countless kidnapped people mugging for the camera like kids in a photo booth. Where's the concern? Where's the danger?

All this without even getting into:

* the inane plot, which, as has been mentioned in a number of reviews, feels like a mixture of National Treasure and an episode of The X-Files,

* the CGI drudgery that serves as a constant reminder to the audience that "hey, this was made on a soundstage in front of a bluescreen!"

* the inclusion of Shia LaBeouf's character, "Mutt" Williams. Mutt. Think about it.

* the countless winks to the audience. Sure, the first time they show Ford donning the fedora while playing the familiar John Williams theme, there's a bit of magic that you feel. Then they do it again. They there's some photos of some old faces from the series that don't appear here. Then more references. Then Marion (Karen Allen) pops up. By the end of the movie, I was about ready to scream "F*ck you!" to the creators for having the nerve to keep playing the nostalgia card on us, showing the lack of confidence in their new creation.

And that's the emotion I left the theater with. Kind of a "how dare you" mixed with a "god, I'm stupid for ever believing." Spielberg and Lucas haven't created an extension of the series - they've created a stand-alone film that pales even to the lesser series that ripped off the originals, a film that screams "amusement park ride" from the start and devolves from there, a film that insults your intelligence and patience through the mind-numbing conclusion.

Now I'm off to search for a crystal skull to gaze at in the hopes that I lose my mind.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"I want you to punch me as hard as you can."

And then...

Recycling Rocks: In the battle between testosterone and estrogen, we all lose

(Editor's note: Since I haven't seen a movie in what seems like two months, I present you with one of my favorite posts, an in-depth, serious look - ok, not really - at two silly movies. Enjoy. As for me, the plan is to see Indy IV tonight. Expect tears of disappointment later this week.)


I'd like to take you back in time to a simpler era. A time when the thought of the impending new millennium caused mass hysteria and forced many a cubicle worker to re-code bank software from 2-character years to 4-character years. A time when America had a President that could pronounce the word "nuclear" correctly. A time when Ben Affleck was considered a matinee idol - an A-lister, if you will.

The time was 1998 - specifically summer of that year. The first strike was made by estrogen. On May 8th, Deep Impact was released into theaters. The plot? A comet is headed for earth and will be here in a matter of weeks. How will the people of earth prepare? Will Tea Leoni rise to the position of network anchor? Will a senior citizen be able to cope in space? Will anyone care? These questions and many more were answered.

What was not answered - at least, not at its time of release, was whether or not Deep Impact would be a bigger, better film than the suspiciously similar-plotted Armageddon, directed by Bad Boys helmer Michael Bay, and exec produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, the master of subtlety.

Armageddon (stay with me) follows a group of kickass drillers who must rocket themselves into space to break up an asteroid (not a comet, mind you) that is headed straight for earth.



So which was the bigger film? Though not a landslide, the victory belonged to Bay and company, with Armageddon grossing just over $200 million, while Impact managed just $140 million.

But the battle for the title of "the better film" could not be decided by box office alone. Nor has IMDb solved the debate, as each film rates a stellar 5.8/10. Let's look at some other categories:

Cast
Though Armageddon features really only one woman in its cast (the unbearably annoying Liv Tyler), it's really not a close race. Impact's big names are Robert Duvall and Morgan Freeman, but there's a significant drop off after that, with Jon Favreau, Elijah Wood and Tea Leoni being the next biggest names (and don't forget Helen Hunt, Jr. - er, Leelee Sobieski). Armageddon, meanwhile, features Bruce Willis, Owen Wilson, Billy Bob Thornton, Steve Buscemi, Benaflek, William Fichtner and Peter Stormare. On second thought, it's closer than I imagined, but Willis and Co. are certainly the more entertaining bunch.

Cheese Factor
Deep Impact brings us heavy-handed sentimentality and a news anchor plot we could care less about. It also features a character named Biederman, which I find funny all by itself. Armageddon features animal crackers on a stomach. 'Nuff said.

Special Effects
Armageddon starts off with a bang, destroying much of Paris in the opening scenes. The bulk of the remaining effects take place of a crappy sound stage (sorry..."ASTEROID") and consist of scared drillers driving golf carts up and down hills. Yawn.

Impact may be talky, but the finale delivers. As the small meteor hits earth (smack dab into the Atlantic), a tidal wave engulfs New York, the Eastern seaboard is flooded, and Ron Eldard does his worst acting job playing a blind astronaut. Ok, so that's not an effect, but it had to be mentioned.

Directors
In one corner, we have the root of all evil in this world - Michael Bay, director of such Oscar-nominated films as The Rock, Pearl Harbor, and The Island. In the other corner, Mimi Leder, who (prior to Impact) directed Clooney and Kidman in the never-seen-by-anyone The Peacemaker and who in 2000 directed Pay It Forward, also known as "that terrible movie with the kid from The Sixth Sense and Kevin Spacey with a burned face."

It pains me to give the victory to Bay.

Soundtrack
Deep Impact contributed nothing to the world in terms of music. Armageddon gave us Aerosmith singing "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing."

Guess who wins this contest?

The Verdict
Well, I told you this right in the title of this post. No one wins, because we all lose. If you want to watch something overtly masculine (coughovercompensatingcough) and/or laughably bad (not that the two are necessarily intertwined), then Armageddon is most certainly the film for you. On the other hand, if you want some story and sentiment with your destruction, it's Impact all the way.

And if you're NFL Adam, you want Independence Day. Why, I have no idea...

And then...

TGITDNMAR (5/23/08)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

This feature just keeps getting shorter and shorter, it seems. To keep things interesting, I'll be adding an element when giving my "chance of viewing," adding an analogy to the percentage given.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
I know half of you reading this have already seen this, but let's just pretend you haven't, okay?

This is simultaneously the most anticipated film of the last few years and also the most cringe worthy. The big question: will Spielberg and Ford make a worthy installment to the franchise, or will this be something we attempt to block from our memories for the next twenty years, a la The Phantom Menace and the Matrix sequels?

All I'm hoping for is "not an embarrassment," and from the early review headlines (I won't actually read the reviews just yet), it sounds like it falls into the Lethal Weapon 3 range - a decent addition to the franchise, but nothing really all that memorable. Still, I can't wait to make that decision for myself.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 100%, or better than the likelihood of The Love Guru bombing.

And then...

Rhyming Reviews

This is probably a terrible idea (not to mention kinda lame) and I have no idea if it will turn into a running feature, but I wanted an outlet for posting quick reviews of movies that I've seen lately that aren't new releases. I have an unspoken rule I've given myself that only new releases will get the "full review" treatment, and I didn't want to continue to steal other people's gimmicks for rapid reviews (haikus, one minute reviews, 10 words, etc), so I've come up with my own gimmick. Why rhyming, you might ask? I might ask, too, as I'm not exactly a songwriter. Well, why the hell not, I say. Hell, I'll even make them limericks.

Harold & Kumar go to White Castle
Getting hungry, Harold and Kumar set out
"To White Castle, we'll go!" they did shout
Smoking weed all day
Pretty funny along the way
Though they might've taken another route.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"Darn tootin!"


Hellboy
Unleash the chaos gods they yell
As Nazis release a demon from hell
He rarely gets bruised
Selma Blair's underused
And Abe Sapien lives in a cell.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"Darn tootin!"


Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Five Brits and an ex-pat make haste
As they scurry all over the place
Searching for a mystical cup
You'll laugh 'till you throw up
Galahad, of course, remains chaste

Fletch's Film Rating:

"You're the best...around!"

And then...

Best Picture 2010?

Tom Collins was a loving husband. Originally from Switzerland (obvious with that name, right?), he moved to Asia to work as a construction consultant with his wife Stella Tricia (also quite the Swiss name). He worked there for twenty years, eventually and unforunately dying in a disastrous tsunami.

His widow was left with fortunes, but without a clue of what to do with her remaining years. Off she went to Africa, joining missions and helping the poor children of the world in any way that she could. In time, her doctors informed her that she had contracted lung and breast cancer. Given the death sentence, she thought her life couldn't get any worse but soon found herself unable to speak. However, a last cry (not audibly, obviously) for help might just be the thing to save her soul.

Does that have all the makings of a romantic weepie chick flick or what?

Nope, it's just the contents of a piece of spam I received recently. Despite the translation/language errors and typos, I really have to hand it to whoever is coming up with this stuff. Stop and read some of it some time - it's riveting. I almost feel like going in on the scam anyway just because I appreciate the effort.

Below are the contents of the mail as I received them. Hey, even if you don't like weepies, enjoy the comedy. It's gold...

"With Due Respect And Humanity,Let me first of all inform you, I got your email address from a mail Directory and decided to mail you for a permission to go ahead.

I am Mrs. Stella Tricia Collins from Switzerland. I am married to Mr. Tom Collins who worked with a construction company in Asia for twenty Years before he died in the tsunami disasters, we were married but without Any children.

I am now suffering from long time breast Cancer and Cancer of the lungs, from all indication my condition is really deterioration and it is quite obvious that i won't live more than 2 months according to my doctor, this is because the cancer stage has gotten to a very bad stage
Since his death I decided not to re-marry. I deposited the sum of $5,000.000.00U.USD( FIVE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) with the Bicici bank Abidjan Cote D' Ivoire. And now i am willing to donate this sum of $5,000.000.00U.USD to the less privilegeds and to contribute to development of church in Africa, America, Asia, and Europo.

My late husband was a very wealthy and after his death, I inherited all his business and wealth, Presently this money is still with the bank and the management just Wrote me as the beneficiary to come forward to receive the money or rather Issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf If I cannot come over.

I am presently in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment Cancer of the lungs in a hospital , I have since lost my ability To talk and my doctors have told me that I have only a few months to Live. Please i want you to note that this money is lying in the Bank in Abidjan Cote D' Ivoire

I want a person that is trustworthy that will utilize 90% of this money to fund churches, orphanages and widows around the world but in my name Mrs. Stella Tricia Collins"As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank.I will also issue you a letter of authority that will prove you as The new beneficiary of this fund.

Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein and Keep this contact confidential till such a time this funds get to your Custody,this is to ensure that nothing jeopardizes my last wish on Earth."

And then...

Tanned, rested, and ready...

Ok, I'm back from the land south of the border, complete with no new movies watched, scads of emails to answer, lots of LAMB work to do, hundreds of new posts in my Google Reader account, and absolutely nothing new to report right now, save for the fact that my knowledge of movies did earn me $100 this weekend. I wagered against a friends' personal memory of seeing The Game; she maintained that it was released in 1993 or 1994, but I knew it was later (I thought '96 or '97). The correct answer is 1997. Then again, I lost back the $100 on a wager regarding the title of a Roger Clyne & the Peacemakers song. Easy come, easy go.

Regular programming resumes tomorrow.

And then...

Pick your poison...or mine

No TGITDNMAR today, mi amigos, as Mrs. Fletch and I traverse south of the border with a group of friends to Puerto Penasco, only with a tilde over the n, aka Rocky Point. I'll be enjoying multiple facsimiles of one or more of the options belows over the next four days, returning on Monday having most likely watched no films over that time. Though maybe I'll return with some stories...

And then...

Honor your civic duty!

Being the longtime, avid, loyal, loving, beautiful and/or handsome reader of Blog Cabins that you are, it's time to support your Fletch. There's an event wrapping up over at the LAMB called Sirens of the LAMBs, in which members wrote narratives in which they picked a female "bad ass" character that they thought could whup up on other female characters in film.

Yeah, it's uber-geeky (as is the phrase "uber-geeky"), but it's provided a good outlet for some great writing, and though it's been work (I volunteered to take on two characters - bad idea), it's been a lot of fun, too.

One of my characters (seen above) has made it to the final round, and the guy I'm going up against (Jason from Invasion of the B Movies) has even gone so far as to schtup to Odd Todd for votes in his attempt to win (which is working right now, I might add). The nerve of some people! (haha) With that being the case, I need your help!

GO HERE!
DO THIS!

And then...

New poll

I'm starting to worry. Here I start what should be a fun poll, with three "straight" answers and four joke ones, yet one of the straight ones win? What's wrong with this picture?

Thanks to the lone person that voted for Jimmie Walker; that really made his day, from what I heard. Though it should be noted that Abe Vigoda had a strong showing here.



















The latest poll takes a look at some of the, well, less anticipated movies of the summer. Have at it, kids...

And then...

Wow, I don't know where to start! I'd like to thank my parents, my wife, my agents, my publicist...

As you might have heard, the LAMB had its big awards show recently, where the members voted for their peers in 14 categories, and Blog Cabins was honored with 3 wins, including the prestigous Best Blog! Click the button for more details. The other two wins were for Best Rating System and Best Impression of Bob Dylan (fitting given my name), which honored the person that posts a lot but maintains high quality with each post.

Thanks to all that voted for me! Be sure to check out all the other winners' sites as well.





D'oh! I almost forgot - here's me at the LAMMY press conference that immediately followed the awards ceremony. Pictures of the after party were lost somehow, though. Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll turn up somewhere...

And then...

Imagining more sequels that will never happen...

(For past installments of this feature, click here.)

The setup: It's a favorite pastime of mine to come up with sequel names for movies that will either never be made due to performance, critical response, or just because of their subject matter. A long time ago, Premiere magazine had a feature where they did this (minus the awesome MS Paint work done on the posters, as seen below). Anyway, here's the latest batch:

Future sequels: Where She Move. Who She Move. What She Move. I look forward to not seeing all of them.















I could have gone with Little Woman here, but that's to close to the literary classic. Besides, I really can't wait for Littlest Man. Where would they go after that?














This one, on the other hand, could go forever. I'm sure Jamie Kennedy hopes it does.















My MS Paint skillz are so tight, and your caring towards the actual Meet Dave movie so low, that you probably didn't even notice that I added a third "Eddie Murphy" title and a second "mini-Murphy. Yea, I'm that damn good.











In which our quirky couple makes a Broadway musical. Though you'll have to wait for the third to actually see the musical. It's title? Fee Times a Mady.












For sure. Possibly.

















Damn - I'm a day late for Mother's Day on this one. As if they'd make a sequel to a movie called The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, though....

And then...

Survivor: Micronesia Episode 14 recap (the finale!)

Coming at you live once again, it's the Survivor, um, live blog. Starting...now! (Hit refresh for the latest posts.)

7:00: We start off with enough spider shots and black widow references that I might as well be watching Arachnophobia. We get it - the ladies are lying, conniving bitches.

7:05: Early prediction - with us getting four ladies in the final four, and with this being Mothers' Day and all, I say that Cirie takes it. Seems like a very CBS thing to do, setting up the season so that it ends today with her as the victor. Either that, or this episode will conclude with Natalie giving birth to the Antichrist; either one is possible.

7:09: I'll take advantage of this lull in the action to give thanks to the show's producers for sparing us the awful "pling" effects employed so frequently during last season's challenges. They were beyond annoying, and I couldn't be more thrilled that they've subsided and/or disappeared. With any luck, they will continue to ride this hot streak and dump the "remaining contestants walk past the torches of the losers and remember them" sequence that plagues every finale. Cross your fingers!

7:14: Now that all the men have been eliminated from the game, what a perfect time for a physical challenge. Boo. Tough luck, Cirie.

7:17: Please don't let Natalie win. Please don't let Natalie win. Please don't let Natalie win.

7:19: As it should have been (with her being the toughest physical competitor from the choices left), Amanda wins Immunity. Unfortunately, once again in a finale, a key Immunity Challenge was decided by luck more than anything else, as the puzzle ladders that the contestants had to make didn't require any skill to put together. I can't complain too much, though - Natalie was leading up to that point, and it probably cost her a victory. Hooray unfairness!

7:29: Wow - 10 minutes without anything interesting to say. Either I'm not seeing any of the angles or the show is failing us at this point. Mostly, it's just been some predictable angling by Natalie and Cirie, each trying to establish and/or change their place in the game. Odds are high that Amanda and Parvati stick with their alliance, as they've done all season, and vote out Natalie. But you never know...

7:33: Survey says...

7:34: "14th person voted out...Natalie!" (The exclamation point is mine; the rest is Jeff's.)

7:41: I'm having a really hard time wanting Amanda to win right now. Once again, she's put on her baby face, and now she's crying and creating an argument with Cirie (which she's dead wrong in, by the way) about who is on "the bottom of their alliance." Ugh. See, here's the problem with having all women left at the end of the game (cue angry emails for me).

7:44: Boooooooooooooo! "Today, you will honor the memories of the people that left before you."

7:45: Yaaaaayyyyyyy! "...before heading off to your final Immunity Challenge." That's right - we're back to a Final Two.

7:46: Booooooooooooo! Amanda is crying. Yet again.

7:48: Here we go on the loser tour. Sounds like a great time for a break. Be back in 10 minutes.

8:01: And we're back, as the ladies head out to their final Immunity Challenge. Showing their sick sense of humor, the producers are testing the womens' skill at balancing balls. I predict a win for Parvati.

8:05: Parvati drops the ball - literally. It would seem as though if Amanda wins, Cirie is out and Amanda has the edge on the million. If Cirie wins, I would think she'd take Parvati to the final Tribal Council.

8:07: Cirie...loses concentration, and likely a spot in the final two. With wins in the final two Immunity Challenges, combined with her perceived strategic strength over Parvati (not to mention Ozzy's newfound hatred for Parv), it's hard not to predict an Amanda win. 50 minutes left...anything can happen.

8:16: How refreshing would it be for Amanda to just say from the start "I'm taking Parvati 100%"? But no, she has to seemingly waver back and forth; I'm guessing that the folks behind the scene prod her with a stick every time she thinks about saying something like that. Just as with her idiotic argument with Cirie earlier, Amanda is not fooling anyone. It would be an absolute shock to see her not take her BFF with her to the final tribal. And yet, here she is acting as though she's been told to decide which of her parents will be killed. Girl, you're going to the final two with a 50% chance (at least) of winning one million dollars. Smile!!

8:20: Seeing Amanda's sad, crying mug for the last 30 minutes, Mrs. Fletch has had enough: "I wanna hit her!" I can't argue much with that statement. Is it too late to bring Natalie back?

8:21: Just kidding. F Natalie.

8:23: What an absolute shock. Amanda took Parvati to the final council. In other news, the sky is blue.

8:32: With the final two sealed up and nothing interesting to watch until then (unless you find Parvati and Amanda bouncing around and screaming like a pair of 12-year olds interesting), let me take this time to remind you and the show's creators of some of my recommendations for the show's future.

8:45: My grades for the jury on the bitterness scale:
Eliza - B+
Jason - C-
Alexis - B-
Natalie - B (bonus points for her bizarre lesbian "in the bedroom" question for Parvati)
Erik - A-
James - C+ (though really, since he wasn't voted off, should James even be eligible to ask a question?)
Cirie - B-
Ozzy - on the verge of tears...an A (for Parvati). On the other hand, he practically asked Amanda to marry him (I was half-expecting it). Should make for an interesting reunion show.

8:55: Stay tuned for this summer the latest watercooler show from CBS; that right, it's Desperate Boogie Nights! Oh wait - sorry, it's actually called Swingtown. Could've fooled me.

8:59: Well, I was dead wrong with my early predictions (either Cirie wins or Natalie gives birth to the Antichrist), but here's my call for the final votes: Amanda 5, Parvati 3.

9:04: Remind me not to ever bet on Survivor. Wrong again. Not that I'm all that surprised; with the constant loser vibe that Amanda gives off at these final Councils, I don't know if I would vote for her, either. Congrats to the Shallow one!

9:08: As much as I'd love to give a recap of the reunion show, two straight hours with the laptop is quite enough for this blogger. My final thoughts on the season (for now): I still hate Joel and Natalie, Amanda deserved to lose just like she did last season, James and Penner were unfairly (and unpredictably, naturally) screwed by injuries, and Jonny Fairplay is a hack who had no business being at the reunion.

Survivor: Micronesia homepage at CBS.com

And then...

TGITDNMAR (5/9/08)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

This is summer movie season?!?

Speed Racer and What Happens in Vegas
Um...no, and no.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 6%

Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

And then...

Survivor:Micronesia Episode 13 recap

If I didn't know better, I would have thought that the leaves were dropping and fall was all around us. That some Harry Potter or James Bond flick was about to hit theaters. That across America, turkeys were being placed into ovens en masse. That's right - if I didn't know better, I would have thought that it was Thanksgiving; after all, that's the feeling that episode 13 of Survivor: Micronesia gave me.

Say what you will about which contestants are remaining (I certainly have), but it is hard to dispute the fact that this has been one of the, if not the most, entertaining seasons in the long history of the show. So much has happened, from bamboozlements to quittings to injuries, we viewers have been treated to something jarring to our senses and emotions seemingly every week. This episode might have taken the cake. Here's a trip through the emotional ride I took while watching.

Glee - Upon watching the recap from last week, and from seeing the five remaining players return from the last Tribal Council, where Amanda had so beautifully and slyly played her Hidden Immunity Idol.

Ambivalence - As the players walked up to the Reward Challenge, which appeared to be yet another boring quiz, perhaps of how much they know about Micronesian culture.

Surprise - When we learned that the quiz was actually about past Survivor seasons; a nice trip down memory lane (and not so nice for some players like Michael Skupin).

Shock - At seeing Erik send Parvati to Exile Island and taking Amanda along for his reward.

Unbridled Glee - Watching Natalie's face as Erik made those choices, all but sealing Monkey Girl's fate.

(Damn near) Ecstasy - Hearing Natalie bitch and moan to Cirie that she was neither chosen to go to Exile or on the reward.

Yawn (ok, so that's not an emotion) - Trudging through another "Wow, this is nice" reward with Amanda and Erik. Luckily, this was short.

Annoyance - Listening to Natalie talk about how she was going to "bitch slap" Erik "like his momma," in regards to the above-mentioned actions.

Worry - In regards to the Immunity Challenge that Erik all but needed to win to secure his place in the Final Four, as the widows had learned of his duplicity.

Sheer Joy - At seeing Erik pull through and win Immunity.

Amusement - Hearing the ladies' plan to rid Erik of his Immunity necklace, which consisted of Natalie talking him into giving it to her, using his insecurities about the jury and his potential for winning as bait. As if anyone would be dumb enough to do such a thing.

Terror - When Erik was actually considering Natalie's plan.

More Terror - When Erik was seemingly convinced of the ploy even more by Cirie.

Aghast - At seeing ERIK GIVE UP HIS IMMUNITY TO NATALIE!

!!!!!! - !!!!!

Sorrow - Upon thinking of how sad it will be for Erik, the self-proclaimed "Ice Cream Man," to return home, only to hear how stupid and naive he is for the next 10 years.

Amazement - That that scenario really just happened. I sincerely can't recall the last time a player gave up Immunity (not an HII). I can't decide if I feel sorry for Erik or believe he got his just desserts. Had anyone come up to me with that plan, I would have told them they were high and that I'd take my chances with the jury. Yet there he was, honest, trusting and simple as can be, really thinking that he was going to garner "goodwill" from the jury and further his place in the game. Really, what did he have to worry about? Ok, so he lied to the girls - isn't that the point of the game? And besides, he had won multiple immunity challenges in a row - does that count for nothing?

What a game.

Survivor: Micronesia homepage at CBS.com

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: The Visitor

Thomas McCarthy is a busy man. Having worked his way up the acting ranks, from a bit part in Conspiracy Theory to a regular role on Boston Public all the way to supporting turns in such high-class fare as Syriana and Flags of our Fathers, he took his time in becoming a writer/director, but showed considerable promise with the 2003 indie hit The Station Agent.

He returns this years with what's setting up to be another indie hit in The Visitor. Clearly showing his past as an actor, The Visitor is an excellent character piece (but misses excellence overall) starring veteran character actor Richard Jenkins (spotlighted recently in this space).

Jenkins plays Walter Vale, a lonely widower (is there any other kind onscreen?) teaching at a cushy Connecticut university. The thing is, Walter's not doing too much teaching these days, proffing but one class while spending the rest of his time appearing to be busy and taking piano lessons, a heartfelt reminder of his deceased wife.

Some complications at work cause for Walter to attend a seminar in New York City, where he has kept an apartment for some time. Only, when he arrives, he finds a couple living in his apartment unbeknownst to him. As it turns out, the couple, immigrants from Syria and Senegal, have been misled into thinking the apartment is vacant and have no idea they are getting company. After some initial madness, Tarek (Haaz Sleiman) tells Walter that he and his girlfriend Zainab (Danai Gurira) will leave and find another place to stay. Walter, lonely himself and seeing that the couple has limited resources and even fewer options, invites them to stay with him until they can find a suitable option.

It doesn't take long for Walter and Tarek to form a friendship, a kinship even, as Walter takes an interest in the couple's lives, specifically in the form of learning the bongos from Tarek. Eventually, a series of unfortunate circumstances places the young couple at risk and shoves their lives into disarray. Walter, having finally been given a chance to live and feel emotion again, takes an active role in their present and future.

Jenkins is spectacular in a role tailor-made to his strengths, and Sleiman shows potential star power (and a 500-megawatt smile) as the charismatic Tarek. Gurira, meanwhile, gets considerably less of an opportunity here, as her character shies away from Walter and essentially trades places in the apartment with Tarek's mother Mouna, played wonderfully restrained by Hiam Abbass.

The Visitor isn't the kind of indie film that's going to get your attention by screaming loudly or showing off quirks; in fact, it's nearly the opposite: a quiet film filled with real human interactions that moves along with the slow pace of life. Though the end might not justify the means, which is to say that McCarthy doesn't say much about immigration except through the pain of his characters, the journey is certainly one worth going on.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"Darn tootin!"

And then...

Outlandish Statements #1

This new feature is relatively straightforward, and meant to get "the community" involved, and when I say "the community," I say it like Dr. Evil, yet think happy thoughts about how it takes a village to have a successful blog.

In this segment, I'll spout off opinions I have on certain movies or actors or whatever else is on my mind. Only, you'll probably think I'm some crazy person, making (wait for it) outlandish statements. Obviously, I don't think they are outlandish, as I believe them, but I understand that they probably aren't the general consensus. The spark for this idea came when I was reading Joseph Campanella's Cinema Fist blog the other day; he is of the opinion that Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is the best film of that until-now trilogy. I had to tell him that not only was it not the best film, it was the worst (relatively speaking). See the comments there for more bantering between us.

Anyway, here are my outlandish statements for the day. Feel free to disagree, call me crazy, or call me genius. Just don't call me Shirley.

"Casino is a better film than GoodFellas."

"Along those lines...Robert DeNiro hasn't been a movie star since 1995 - he's been a glorified character actor."

"Chevy Chase's four funniest movies (Caddyshack, Vacation, Fletch and Spies Like Us) are greater than or equal to a four film selection from any other comedian."

"Point Break remains one of the best action movies of the last 20 years."

"Gary Oldman's greatest performance of all time is as Drexl Spivey in True Romance."

Well, that does it for today's Outlandish Statements. Got some of your own?

And then...

Familiar Face - Unknown Name #5 - Richard Jenkins

Call them what you want - character actors, "That Guy(s)," scene stealers - I don't care. This is a regular feature where I spotlight one performer, whether they be longtime veterans like J.K. Simmons or Barry Corbin, or a fresher face just making their way up the stardom ranks. For previous FF-UNs, click here.

Today's Familiar Face-Unknown Name:

Richard Jenkins

Where You've Seen Him (high profile): Over the course of a 34 year career in film and TV, the Rhode Island resident has appeared in films by the Coen brothers, the Farrelly borthers, Clint Eastwood and David O. Russell, amongst others. His most visible role, however, was as the patriarch (and deceased) Nathaniel Fisher on HBO's Six Feet Under.

Lately, his career appears to have taken off somewhat, with a starring role (his first) in the current release The Visitor, along with a co-starring role as the father in this summer's Step Brothers. He was also featured in 2007's The Kingdom.

Where You've Seen Him (not-so-high profile): Though he's become a favorite of many of the directors mentioned above, he's only been featured in bit parts throughout, with roles in Me, Myself and Irene, I Heart Huckabees, Intolerable Cruelty, The Man Who Wasn't There, and Flirting with Disaster. Earlier in his career, he was featured on many TV cop shows, from Spenser: For Hire to Kojak to a role in the famous "Smuggler's Blues" episode of Miami Vice.

Character Specialties: Cops, judges and quirky dads seem to be the role of choice designated for Jenkins, as his resume is littered with titles such as "Detective," "Sheriff," "Agent," and "FBI."

My favorite role (new to this feature): Though I haven't mentioned the film by name, the still you see above is from an uncredited bit part he had in There's Something About Mary, where he played Ben Stiller's psychiatrist early in the movie. As Stiller's Ted drones on about his high school shenanigans with Mary, Jenkins oh-so-quietly sneaks back into his office, fresh from lunch and complete with a napkin tucked into his shirt. After Ted mentions a rest area in passing, Jenkins' psychiatrist, seeing an opportunity to offer some analysis, tells him "you know, highway rest areas are homosexual hangouts...they're the bathhouses of the 90s."

"Oop - time, she's up." The full scene can be viewed here.

Little Known Facts: I don't really have anything great that can't be found below, but here's an interview/piece that the New York Times did recently.

Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Jenkins
On IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0420955/

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Iron Man

If there's one thing I've learned about myself as it pertains to writing film reviews in the year and a half history of this site, it's that I don't like writing reviews for big blockbusters like Iron Man nearly as much as I enjoy writing about mid-range to small movies. It really has nothing to do with the films themselves or their potential to be critiqued, but rather due to a feeling I get as I mosey around to any number of other reviews for the film on blogs or newspapers or magazines.

When something like the first big summer movie is released, there's a very good chance that a number of other bloggers are going to see the movie on its first day out. They are also going to review it, most likely within hours of seeing it (which I rarely can or do). I am also going to read it, though I don't like reading reviews before I write my own. It's entirely of my own doing, and is completely irrational, but there's something about reading so many opinions about a film and my thinking to myself "what's left to say?"

I understand that every site doesn't have the same readership and that just because I read a review on X blog doesn't mean that you are going to read it, too. But that connection in my brain is malfunctioning, I suppose. On the other hand, when I see a movie like The Visitor (which I did earlier this week; review coming soon), I can be assured that I won't see another review hardly anywhere, and that my perspective will have to be fresh to anyone, since they aren't finding one anywhere else. I suppose I can chalk it up to my own insecurities, as when placed in this situation (writing a review for a film that's been reviewed to death), all I think about is ways to do my review differently, to make it stand out from everyone else's. In other words, I think it's just that I prefer acting to reacting. Which is probably why you're reading this diatribe right now. That said, on to the review...

Things I Liked About Iron Man:

* The top notch cast.
Following the trend set by Batman Begins and the Spider-Man series, the cast of Iron Man is made up not by the hunks and/or starlets of the day, but rather with celebrated, award-winning actors. Robert Downey, Jr., perfectly matched as he may be to the character, and his "troubled" past notwithstanding, remains a forty-something actor with little-to-no box office success behind him, but rather a resume filled with praised performances. Gwyneth Paltrow hasn't been in a big-budget feature since 2004's Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, and Terrence Howard is still known for Hustle & Flow and Crash more than anything else in his career (Jeff Bridges remains somewhat of an enigma to Hollywood. In the 80s, he was the hunky leading man through the 80s; he went through a down period in the 90s, only to see his career take off again after 1999's The Big Lebowski. Since then, he's settled into a nice groove, mixing it up between leading man roles and supporting turns.).

* The first 2/3.
It's a mystery that we as moviegoers all love superhero origin tales so much, since they're all essentially the same. Director Jon Favreau manages to keep the story fresh despite its predictability, by starting us off with a bang (literally), only to scale back and let us see into the character of Tony Stark a bit before unleashing Iron Man (and the mayhem he brings). Though some may clamor that there's a lack of action to be had (considering the genre) it's refreshing to see that cast put to good use, rather than spouting off inane lines and being little more than objects placed in front of a blue screen (I'm looking at you, Lucas).

* "Vegas, baby, Vegas"
Favreau throws a not-so-inside joke to the audience as he places himself in the film in a minor role as one of Stark's entourage. The kicker comes when he's subtly introduced - standing behind Stark as the future Iron Man plays craps at a Vegas casino. If only Vince Vaughan had shown up in the background as well. It was also nice to see that Favreau has dropped quite a few pounds, though that's neither here nor there.

Things I Didn't Like About Iron Man:

* The last 1/3
It's not as if the movie falls apart or somehow gets dumb over the final 40 minutes, but the final showdown is somewhat lackluster, complete with a too-predictable fight (Nick from R2D2 makes a great point about the usage or weapons, or lack thereof).

* The usage of Terrence Howard
From what I hear, many of Howard's scenes were cut from the film, and it's pretty obvious when watching. His de-facto buddy role is all but useless, a "fighter pilot" that never fights. Also, why is an Air Force colonel acting as the presenter at a press conference being held at Stark's company? Doesn't he have better things to do?

* Bond. James Bond.
I'm more than willing to suspend disbelief for movies, even more so for superhero ones. And despite the fact that I am not in fact a billionaire, nor do I have any clue what arc reactor technology is, the speed and intelligence of Stark's home computing workshop goes beyond the limits of belief. Though it's never specifically mentioned how long it took him to concept/build the Iron Man suit, it seems as though Stark could build aircraft carriers in his basement in a week, what with his endless resources (money and scrap materials). All this from a suspended beachfront house in Malibu. A minor quibble, but still, I have my limits.

* The fact that I missed the scene that played after the credits
But that's my own fault, I suppose. Anyway, it ought to be on YouTube soon enough.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"It's in the darn tootin hole!" (another viewing needed to properly decide)

And then...

Poll shock

No votes for Jimmie Walker?!?

You people disappoint me. Then again, I'm thrilled to see Abe battling it out with Verne Troyer and Joe Gordon-Levitt for the chance to play the Hulk. Here's an artists' rendering of my dream:

And then...

TGITDNMAR (5/2/08)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

The "Official" beginning of summer movie season has made for an easy week here at TGITDNMAR for me, as there are but two wide releases on tap.

Iron Man
Count me as one of the few out there that wasn't impressed by the trailers/commercials for Iron Man. By clinging to such an easy, obvious reference with the Black Sabbath song, it had me worried that the film would be just as obvious and boring. (Can you imagine if Superman Returns had used Three Doors Down "Kryptonite" or the Spin Doctor's "Jimmy Olson's Blues" to sell that film? I know "Iron Man" is a much more popular and iconic song than either of those, but the point still stands.)

Luckily, the early reviews seem highly positive across the board. Also helping is the strong, deep cast put together - one that's arguably stronger than just about any other superhero flick out there (The Dark Knight may in fact rival it).
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 86%

Made of Honor
I love scouring the full cast listings for the week's new releases when preparing for this feature. If I didn't, I wouldn't have had any idea that Kadeem Hardison (!) pops up in this offensively terrible looking rom-com. Dwayne Wayne! I guess that with Patrick Dempsey on board, the filmmakers wanted to complete the 80s nostalgia sweep and bring the Different World star on board.

That said, he's probably the only thing appealing about the movie, and even that appeal is limited. I understand counter-programming and all, but this garbage belongs in February with the rest of the trash. More bah humbugs go to whoever made the trailer that shows you the ending of the film (call it a hunch). Ugh. This does serve as a reminder for me to thank Mrs. Fletch for not being at all remotely interested in "chick flicks." Sure, we'll go see something like Definitely, Maybe because we like Ryan Reynolds, but I haven't been subjected to anything like this or 27 Dresses or any Renee Zellwegger movies in forever (Chicago notwithstanding).
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: -468%

And then...

Survivor:Micronesia Episode 12 recap

That's right, it's time for the crutch of the lazy blogger - the live blog. With just seven contestants left, we're bound to be in for a drama-filled episode. Let's get right to it.

7:01: I think James would sooner get his finger cut off than leave the game due to a "clam cut." In that case, they can stop showing us scenes from the medical camp as soon as possible. He ain't going anywhere.

7:05: In the meantime, we're treated to Alexis whining about her skinned knee. Really, I barely saw blood. Of course, Cirie, being the consummate bitch and competitor, says what the rest of us are thinking about the prospect of James and Alexis possibly leaving the game due to injury: "That's two more down and me closer to the end." (Or something like that.)

7:07: Family time! The reward will consist of the player's being asked questions about each other. Get it right and knock one person closer to elimination - last player standing wins. Erik brings us the geekiness we all saw coming ("There's Jeff!! He's right there!"). James' father, to no surprise, looks like he's just old enough to be his older brother. Black people are so lucky - they never age.

7:13: "Wait until we get back home - we're gonna talk about her," says James' father after James is knocked out of the challenge by Alexis. Nice to see the same sense of humor.

7:15: Damn it all, Alexis wins the challenge and, to no one's surprise, takes Natalie and Cirie on the reward with her. Shockingly, though, she sends Amanda to Exile Island for a chance at the Hidden Immunity Idol, rather than Parvati. Let's hope this leads to Amanda finding it and James taking the Immunity Challenge.

7:18: Uh-oh, the medics are back to look at James' finger. To be honest, it looks gnarly. Even worse, Jeff just showed up.

7:20: You've got to be sh*tting me. Just like that, the medic tells James he has to leave the game. This is very quickly turning into the worst season ever. Surprisingly, James seems to be taking it waaaaaay too well, not even seeming upset, just a bit defeated.

7:22: Time for another Hidden Immunity Idol Scavenger Hunt! I want Amanda to find it, but if she's out there one time and finds it without much trouble, they really need to scrap this "twist" on the game.

7:23: Ugh. the last "clue" just told her flat out where the Idol is hidden ("back at camp under her tribe's flag"). Are these third-graders out here?

7:25: I don't know how to say this, but the nightvision camera is, uh, not so flattering to Cirie. There's some bad shapes being highlighted all over the place.

7:27: Watch out, Parvati - she's ticking off both Alexis and Natalie, the all-of-the-sudden power forces in the game. How did this happen again? At least now we know why they were invisible for the first half of the season.

7:31: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I'm rooting for Erik to win the game.

7:33: Ok, having a rifle involved for the Immunity Challenge is kind of cool and all, but what exactly is the challenge in this challenge? Use the sight, locate your bottle, and fire. I guess the producers thought James would still be around and were racking their brains for more ways to eliminate the advantage his strength gave him. Weak.

7:35: Erik, looking like (the son of? Rambo, complete with a bandanna around his long blond mane, strikes his second bottle to take the lead. Monkey Girl connects for her second as well. If Erik hits his third right here, he wins.

7:36: "Yes!" we all scream from our couch. Erik wins immunity, pissing off every woman left - oh wait, they're all women left. Perhaps Amanda will "find" the oh-so-hidden idol, forcing one of the black widows out of the game.

7:40: Amanda does the smartest thing she's done in two seasons on the show - once back from the challenge, she immediately tells everyone that she does not have the idol (true), but she also tells a yarn about not getting the last clue. Brilliant. Then again, not one minute later, she's blabbing to Parvati the truth about the idol. Parvati, the same girl who screwed her over not a few episodes ago. Okay, maybe Amanda's not so smart.

7:44: Erik displays refreshing honesty, straight up telling Amanda that he's going to vote for her, in what is an honest conversation between the two about their strategies. Meanwhile, Cirie flatly lies about "being sad to see Amanda go." Uh-huh. Amanda, you must find the idol.

7:46: The producers finally pulled a fast one on us - they actually didn't show us whether or not Amanda found the idol. Actually drama and suspense. First of all, she better have it, and second, she better play it. As much as I pray that Natalie would head home, seeing Cirie or Alexis would work as well.

7:48: Poor James - limping his way into the jury box hooked up to an IV. I'm sad.

7:50: Either Amanda is a great actress (not likely) or she really hasn't found the idol. She looks, as usual, like she's about to cry. I've seen starving Ethiopian children being hungrily watched by Sally Struthers that look happier. Lighten up, girl!

7:52: The moment of truth. Survey says...Amanda HAS and PLAYS the idol! Natalie looks appropriately shocked. Brilliant!

7:53: To no one's surprise, Amanda is the only person smiling. All votes for Amanda, except two for Alexis. Three weeks of dreadful strategy and idiocy finally pay off for us and Amanda. I can't wait to see the reaction from Monkey Girl and Cirie next week.

7:57: Next week on...Survivor! Erik is at the center of all the ladies attention, as the twosomes of Cirie/Monkey Girl and Amanda/Parvati battle for a third vote. Stay tuned to Survivor and, of course, Blog Cabins...

Survivor: Micronesia homepage at CBS.com

And then...